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So, my FIL straight up asked if we were planning for another (despite knowing full well about at least one of our losses), and then the next few days were filled with alllll kinds of pregnant people doing pregnant people things, which makes me pathetically bitter these days (I would gladly have a baby and give up booze/feel gross/what have you, if it were an option). It's been a rough few days.
Last night I had two glasses of wine and did some colouring. I'm *almost* looking forward to when work picks up again so I have something more distracting happening.
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Here's to a better 2016. (Scary thing is, I said this exact thing this time last year, and nothing changed.)
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Happy new year lovely ladies - wishing for so much more happiness & love to everyone here. Thanks for all the listening ears this year
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Wishing all of you a happy new year and only good things in 2016!!!
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I shockingly did ok over the holidays. There were a few touch and go moments around Christmas, but overall, no major breakdowns.
Until this morning. Ugh. DH fell asleep on the couch watching TV. I swear he must be deaf. The TV was SO loud. But he said he wasn't far behind me in going to bed, so I let it slide when I went to sleep.
At 3 AM I swore there was some major commotion on our back patio. and there have been some minor breakins in our development, so it made sense.
Nope. Just a gun fight on the TV that was still on as DH snored on the couch.
So when my alarm went off I was EXHAUSTED and already anxious about going back to work. For 5 months this summer I had planned how I would hopefully get out of this week and next (Jan 14 was my EDD).
So coming into work this morning was quite a bit harder than just a standard "I hate the Monday after a week and a half off" struggle...
And I was doing so well...
(after some emotional spewing after I yelled at DH and a xanax before I left home, I'm doing better...but I still just want to go back to hiding in my office with the door locked until February)
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Hi Ladies, I am sorry that this thread has to exist. I wanted to join because I'm needing more support now that we are ttc again.
1. What is your story? We got pregnant Dec 2015, After a stressful pregnancy (bleeding and other scares) my water broke at 17 weeks, pPROM. Our son was born at 29w (June 2015) and lived only 6 days due to underdeveloped lungs.
2. How do you feel today? Kind of numb. We stated ttc again and we are on our second cycle and I just hate this rollercoaster. I am sad, frustrated, bitter.
3. If you have any "next steps" what are they? I'm trying to take a step back from ttc obsession, and just focus on the good. We are just planning trips, and seeing family and friends and trying to BD during FW and hope for the best. My pregnancy would have a lot of medicines and monitoring if we conceive again.
4. What coping strategies have worked the best for you? Yoga has been my saving grace. And my husband. Both allow my to be free while also giving my a wonderful distraction.
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@FreckledFox: I'm really sorry you're having to join us. My daughter was born at 24 weeks, and I think "rollercoaster" is an understatement.
We aren't quite TTC yet. I think because we're both still too freaked the fuck out. I'm waiting on another panel of bloodwork to come back (my doctor only ordered half of them because the other isn't always covered by insurance, but I want to know!), and I'll be seeing a NaPro doctor in a couple weeks to try to get a handle on what could be happening (it was our second loss).
My OB gave me an ovulation inducer (which I'm not ready to take), and as soon as I told DH he pretty much shouted the same thing.
Where are you travelling to?
I asked DH to take off for our EDD so we'll be heading to Vegas next week. It sounds a little silly and frivolous, but I just wanted to be anywhere but home.
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@MaryM: I'm so sorry.
It's still very fresh for you I bet. I guess its always fresh when there are reminders. Every day is a new emotion. Most times I'm just anxious about the future. Do they know what caused Gigi to pass away?We are still trying to find out where to go. We are going to take a day trip to PA soon for an antique fair, and then maybe to Maine again since we loved it so much the first time. I had SO MUCH BLOODWORK done after our loss. I was "normal". Grady was tested throughout my pregnancy and was normal, but we refused an autopsy after birth. I want to get a preventative cerclage, and I'll be on progesterone shots 16-36w to prevent preterm labor, and tons of cervical checks and whatever else my Doctor wants me to do. We were told to wait 6 months because I had an emergency c-section, and needed extra physical healing time. 6 months was up in Dec. We are on month 2 of ttc and i'm already a mess.
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@FreckledFox: Nope. So far there hasn't been a cause for her death. There's one test that we haven't received results for (the chromosonal one), but now my doctor isn't even sure if she ordered it and the hospital "lost" it or if it wasn't ever even ordered. I think I just want to let it go though and not try to fight and dig in more about it.
My first panel of clotting factors came back normal. I pushed for the panel including MTHFR just in case that's it (it's a relatively easy fix if it is).
We also turned down the autopsy. It just seemed too cruel to do to such a tiny baby...especially if there was a chance it didn't even give us any more information. I have a feeling it was Progesterone related, and that's why I'm looking further into NaPro before we get pregnant again. My doctor was willing to give progesterone when I got pregnant since I'd had a previous loss and history of it being low, but then three different doctors told me to stop it around 12-16 weeks even though they hadn't followed up to test my levels.
Your trip ideas sound fun! I've thought about going somewhere like Lancaster, but I know it's not DH's speed at all. We wanted somewhere at least a little bit warmer, and it wasn't much more to fly to Vegas than Miami.
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@MaryM: I didnt find out until after Grady died and I went back for my 2 week check for my incision that they never once checked my progesterone levels. Apparently there were no red flags that would make them check it? I was bleeding all through my first trimester with a subchorionic hematoma, and then my membranes ruptured/water broke. The high risk doctor i had been seeing (and still continue to see) thinks they could be related. I also pushed for MTHFR, negative. I wanted some type of answer! Grady was in the NICU for those 6 days so when he passed we felt like he was free and couldnt send him back in to be "examined" further. We wanted him to be done and "home". Whats odd is that they supposedly sent out for chromosome testing for him too, but that was a few days before he passed, so we have no idea if they ever got the results. We decided that we don't want to know and never checked in with the hospital. What is an NaPro vs an MFM? When i get pregnant again my OB will do immediate bloodwork for everything, and I'm going to get the more comprehensive testing throughout pregnancy. Or at least push for it!
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@FreckledFox: I also had a SCH in my first trimester. I expect that maybe my water broke early too (there wasn't much there when found out she was gone). But I was so busy and on my feet so much the week we lost her that I don't know that I would have noticed. It was really hot and I was walking around so much, I'd been wearing pads 24/7 because I was sweating so much (sorry if that's TMI!)
NaPro started as a Catholic response to assisted reproductive technologies, but it's grown well beyond that. It's based on the Creighton model of cycle charting. Through the charts (which are based on mucous, but in a standardized and much more detailed way than other charting methods), certified doctors can read biomarkers on the charts that give clues to hormone imbalances and other potential causes for infertility. (some info at http://www.fertilitycare.org/miscarriage/)
They pretty much don't believe that miscarriages are "normal" and go further to try to find problems before pregnancy that might lead to issues later.
It's highly based on the balance of hormones, and then once a woman achieves pregnancy, they continue to track that balance throughout (about every two weeks).
I might still ask if I can be referred to a MFM, but I at least wanted to be established with a NaPro doctor so I could ensure my hormones were monitored throughout since it's been a known problem for me.
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@MaryM: When my water broke first broke it was pretty large gushes of fluid. I thought I wet myself, and each time that the baby continued to pee, it would leak out in decent size gushes. Some women have a slow leak. The lack of fluid can cause the umbilical cord to be compressed and lead to spontaneous death, or if you went into labor, who knows. I think that its so great that you are fighting for more answers. In my case my placenta was pulled away from the uterine wall due to the lack of fluid not balancing pressure. Its like the womb is a vacuum. So i needed emergency delivery. So much blood.
I'm still trying to get past my PTSD from that. My MFM says that its unlikely to happen again... but no one can ever guarantee anything. I'm terrified of all of the possible things that can go wrong. But we want a child, so we have to keep going. The NaPro sounds pretty amazing really. I would love to be able to know my body's hormone balance and see if that played a role in anything. At this point we are hoping it was a fluke (so not comforting).
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@FreckledFox: I had to be induced for labor. Based on her size, they guessed she died about 10 days before I finally went in because I hadn't felt any movement. Talk about guilt...
There's a lot of information in the left column of the website I sent you. If you're interested in learning more, the first step is learn Creighton (it's not cheap, but again, I feel like knowing might be priceless). There are tabs in the left column to help you find a teacher. After 2 months of charts you can start working with a medical consultant (I'll meet mine for the first time in two weeks).
I figure even if it doesn't help us get pregnant or even if I'm just destined to not have children, at least I'll have worked on my overall health through it and might feel better and more normal. It can also help with irregular cycles and PMS.
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@MaryM: I can't even imagine how you felt having to go in and be induced. I was already on hospital bed rest for 5 weeks before he was delivered. I knew it was coming, I just didn't know when and what shape he would be in. I'm so sorry, again. And don't ever feel guilty about ANY of it. You did the best you could.
And you're doing all you can now for her little brother or sister one day. I'll definitely check out that website. thank you
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@FreckledFox: Thank you.
I know I shouldn't feel guilty, but I'm pretty sure it might be impossible to not be at all
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@MaryM: Take comfort in knowing that you did absolutely everything that you could've done. You didnt cause anything to go wrong. She felt your love and your protection and she watches over you. A comforting thought for my DH and I is that Grady is in heaven and he's going to select the best sibling and send them to us.
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@MaryM: I'm glad you made it through, hun.
@FreckledFox: Sad to see you here, but these are some of the strongest ladies I know. You're in sad, but great, company.
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@jaguar:
️ I said the same thing last year. And the year before. I hope this one actually is.
@FreckledFox: I am so sorry for your loss.
@MaryM: big, huge hugs friend.
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@MaryM: hi dear, was wondering how you went these past few weeks. Glad it went as OK as can be expected.
@FreckledFox: I'm so, so sorry to hear your story. But I love the idea of your little boy looking over you & watching out, I believe that's true
all the best for your ttc journey.
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@Crystal: I hear you. I'm terrified for running bad luck.
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@jaguar: @Crystal: Thank you ladies so much
I am sorry for each and every loss thats on this board. @Nutella: Thank you
Its a thought that keeps us going. We have to think stuff like that or else we would cry every day.
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@FreckledFox: @MaryM:
May 2016 bring many good things your way, ladies! I'm curious if anyone cares to share when your period returned after a miscarriage? I was told 4-6 weeks. I'm at week 4 and nothing yet. I took one month of bc to try and "reset" my body and I had a little cramping and spotting, but that's all.
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@Tanjowen: 42 days!!! The longest ever
hope you're not waiting too much longer.
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@Tanjowen: mine came back 5.5 weeks after my d&c, I think.
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@Tanjowen: I think it can very greatly. My first loss around 7 weeks was the never ending miscarriage. I don't even associate a date with when it happened, because it just kept going. And even when I thought I had my cycle back, I just kept spotting (but I also have a history of low progesterone).
After my still birth, it was probably 6 weeks on the dot and has been much more normal even though I would have thought that being more pregnant would affect my cycle even more.
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@Tanjowen: My first miscarriage it returned after 6 weeks. The next two my cycles seemed to return to normal right away. I'm only halfway though my cycle after the 4th.
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@FreckledFox: I'm so sorry to see you here, hope you find good support here
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@Tanjowen: I had a c-section, so it won't help you, but I got AF back 7 weeks later. Probably would've returned in 4 weeks (said my Dr), but I was pumping for a week and it pushed it.
@winniebee: Thank you. So far it's been great to be in good company.
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Posted on another thread, but met with my OB yesterday. In light of my history (1 loss, 2 healthy kiddos, 3 losses) she want's me to do bloodwork for FSH, anti-mullaria, oestrodil, and thyroid on day 3 and progesterone on day 21. She seemed interested that my mother had premature ovarian failure (menopause at 40). I'm 35. Starting there instead of full RPL bloodwork - she thinks losses are likely chromosomal and probably not because of nursing, but who knows. I'm only nursing 2x a day and guessing that he takes an ounce or two total. We'll start there and then after that consider ultrasound to look at lining and follicles...holding off on clotting factor work for now since it's $$ and lots of blood and not likely given my other healthy pregnancies. Same w/ HSG. Hopefully it all comes back normal, because if ovarian reserve / egg quality is bad, I don't think I'll be seeing a fertility specialist for our third baby. Haaaaappy new year.
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@winniebee: glad things are moving forward. Hopefully, it ends up being an easy fix.
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@Tanjowen: Three months (with the help of Provera) for my most recent miscarriage.
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@Tanjowen: mine took about 5-6 weeks each time.
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@winniebee: good luck to you and your testing. We just saw an RE for the first time a few weeks ago too for RPL and we are in the middle of all the blood work. I have to do a HSG and hysteroscopy in the next week or so. I'm super nervous. I hope they can find out what's going on with you.
@Tanjowen: on my most recent mc at 10w mine took 7.5w to return. It felt like forever. I did three rounds of misoprostol though and bled for more than a month and then it took 6 weeks for my HCG to go down. With my mc at 7w, my cycle returned on time. With my D&E at 22w it took 6w to return. Mine have been all over the place. I think it's quite normal for it to take a lot longer than 4 weeks so hold in there! -
@FreckledFox: I'm sorry to hear your story. I'm glad you got to spend 6 days with your precious Grady.
@MaryM: I'm glad you made it through the holidays. Enjoy your trip to Vegas. Happy New Year all you ladies. I hope 2016 brings much better news and healthy pregnancies for all of us.
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@delight: Happy new year to you too hun! x
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@delight: happy new year to you also! I'm hopeful that 2016 brings us all some good news too
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@winniebee: Glad your doctor wants to give you some testing. I hope they can figure everything out!
@delight: Thank you! We are thankful to have met him. Happy new year to you as well!
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I wonder what the world is trying to tell me?
I called my doc for a refill of xanax last week knowing I'd need it this week. My OB agreed to give me 10 at a time (saying if I needed more, I should see a MH doc).
Somehow I ended up with 30. For once, I won't mind at all if CVS made a mistake.
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@MaryM: I wish you could ship me some of those!!! haha
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@jaguar: They may just be my most prized possession currently.!
I think I figured it out. I think my doc must have written for 10 "days" of a prescription instead of 10 pills. Or maybe CVS screwed up last time and I was supposed to get 10 days worth instead of 10 pills?
The bottle says take 3 times a day as needed.
I've never taken 3 a day. I'm pretty sure if I did, I'd be unable to function!
It's still very fresh for you I bet. I guess its always fresh when there are reminders. Every day is a new emotion. Most times I'm just anxious about the future. Do they know what caused Gigi to pass away?
And you're doing all you can now for her little brother or sister one day. I'll definitely check out that website. 
hope you're not waiting too much longer.
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