Every relationship is obviously different and what's most important is that the two people are comfortable with the guidelines they've set for themselves, but I'm curious about the norm.
Are you in contact with any of your exes? Is your SO? Are you both okay with it? Does it matter if it's via FB, email, phone, text or in person? If it bothered your SO, would you stop & vice versa?
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts
My hs ex who turned out to be a better friend than a bf and I are fb friends. DH is also fb friends with a hs gf, but he never uses fb.
My ex and I used to gchat and catch up on life every once in a while. But, haven't spoken to him in over a year.
We have no communication with any other exes.
GOLD / squash / 13464 posts
Neither my husband nor I have any communication with our exes.
nectarine / 2127 posts
I don't have any exes so I'm not in contact with them lol. I met DH when I turned 18 and while I hung out with guys in high school, I never really dated any of them.
I don't think DH is in contact with any exes, I don't really know if he has exes, we never talked about it. The past is the past and I never saw the point in bringing it up.
coconut / 8498 posts
I'm not in contact with any of mine, save being FB friends. Both DH and I are still really good friends with one of his. She was actually in our wedding 
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
I only have communication with one ex, who happens to work at the same place as me. We are both married and actaully have children a few months apart. We communicate regarding work stuff & he just moved to an area that I'm orginially from so he will email me regarding questions about the area.
My DH has met him and they have a cordial relationship & knowing our children will be in the same school/class (small town) I think a cordial relationship is necessary.
There are no lingering feelings obviously on either side so it works. I wouldn't say we are "friends" or anything but we are able to put the past in the past and have normal interactions.
I think the difference is we weren't together more than 6 months and we weren't that serious, any of my past serious boyfriends I have no communication with and that is best for me. DH doesn't have any serious ex's so that's not an issue. We have a lot of trust though so that makes a huge difference.
pomegranate / 3398 posts
I am very good friends with my ex husband and his wife....his wife was in the delivery room 8 weeks ago when I had Anna.
We also have two children together so the fact that our split was very nasty it was also 8yrs ago so we have moved on.
We have known each other for almost 20yrs so we make pretty good friends to each other.
My DH only dated one other person before meeting me and their split was nasty and they are not at all friends.
pineapple / 12793 posts
No contact with any of my exes. Still talk to one of the ex's mothers.
DH is friends with a couple exes on FB, but he's FB illiterate so it doesn't bother me.
pomelo / 5820 posts
No, I'm not. I had one ex that ended up being a good friend for some time, but we haven't spoken in years, like probably 6 years! I'm friends with 2 of mine of FB, and DH is friends with 2 of his on FB, but we don't talk to them.
pomelo / 5257 posts
We don't really have any notable exes because we started dating when we were in high school. I didn't have any serious boyfriends before DH, just dated around casually, and his only real girlfriend before me hates him, lol, so they don't speak.
nectarine / 2063 posts
Dh does not talk to his and I do not talk to mine. They are exes for a reason. If we run into them in public like a common friends birthday & they talk to us then its common courtesy. When I met Dh he was talking with a female bff he's known sense HS but I couldn't handle the fact the use to touch naughtys. He claims they were just friends even when they touched naughties. I told him that relationship was off limits he was not allowed to communicate with her anymore period. According to him he hasn't. I do the same for him.
honeydew / 7909 posts
Dh doesn't have an exes and I don't talk to mine. Not fb friends or anything. Of course, if I did talk to them and it bothered dh, I would quit!
GOLD / squash / 13576 posts
DH didn't have any girlfriends before me, so no. I am FB friends with a few guys I went on one or two dates with. But I wouldn't consider them an ex.
coconut / 8483 posts
DH and I have been together since we were 15, so there are some "exes" that we dated when we were young.. lol. But we all went to the same highschool, so I think DH pretty much has every single on of his exes on FB.. and I have them too. Some were at our wedding. But they literally dated when they were like 11. haha
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
I'm FB friends with a couple of them and we rarely talk... But we don't dislike each other and there are no hard feelings. Both of mine are happily married with children. Mister is FB friends with one and feels the same way.
watermelon / 14467 posts
We don't have any communication with exes. We've been together since we were 19 and 20, plus his ex and all her friends hate me (we got together too soon for their liking, which is not my problem). If we did talk to them and it bothered the other, we would definitely quit.
grapefruit / 4862 posts
I only had one other serious boyfriend and he defriended me on facebook (ha!) BUT, I still talk to his sister occasionally- but not about him. DH had a few casual GF's that we're both FB friends with (they hung with his circles so I knew them after I met DH) but we rarely communicate besides the obligatory happy birthday or congrats post.
grapefruit / 4862 posts
Oh and I had a guy who I used to "hook up" with (in NJ growing up that means make out!!!) and when I was dating DH he and I would gchat sometimes. When I mentioned to DH he was upset- and he was right- it was obvious this guy was still flirting. I didn't necessarily mind the attention which is why I didn't shut it down! When DH said it bothered him I stopped the chatting and never looked back- it didn't bother me at all. I can understand how that can be touchy if your partner is still communicating with an ex, especially if they're flirty or still single!
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22276 posts
DH and I are both FB friends with a few exes. I do not contact my exes and they do not contact me. DH's ex just contacted him the other day though and it bothered me so he didn't reply back to her, because he knew it upset me. I guess it was the fact that it was via private message and not on his "wall". He will occasionally run into an ex where he works, but that's unavoidable!
bananas / 9227 posts
The only "ex" I'm FB friends with was my first kiddie boyfriend back in Jr. High. I think I asked another friend to break-up with him for me. Lol, so nothing serious at all! He msged me once but we don't keep in touch.
As for any of my more serious relationships, we don't talk/contact each other. Every once in a blue moon an old college fling contacts me but it's just brief life updates.
pear / 1510 posts
Slight contact with one of my exes. My best friend from law school married my ex's friend. We all go to Mardi Gras every year (ex and friend are from New Orleans), so I always see the ex's parents and sometimes the ex. Not a big deal at all.
Oh, and my ex from ages 19-23 subsequently hooked up with my step sister and entered an incredibly dysfunctional relationship. So, I've had random contact with him over the years (most recently when step-sister went to jail for prescription drug fraud AGAIN). Yeah, things are messed up on that side of the family.
wonderful olive / 19353 posts
No communication exists with me or the hubby's exes. We talk about them when they're brought up, but we don't talk to them directly.
GOLD / watermelon / 14076 posts
No communication between me & any of my exes (not Facebook friends with any of them either). DH communicates with his ex-wife, but they have kids together so he sorta has to
pomegranate / 3388 posts
We're very open about our communication with exes. I'm still friends with one of mine -- he even came to our wedding. DH doesn't keep in contact with any of his. I think if either of us had a reason to contact an ex, we would discuss it with each other first.
grapefruit / 4441 posts
Well, I am apparently not the norm, but I still communicate with several exes. I didn't meet DH until I was 28 and I'd had quite a few relationships before then.
I am still pretty good friends with my very first boyfriend. We met when I was 14, dated in high school and for awhile after he went to college (he was 2 years older), then stayed good friends after that. I attended his wedding, we exchange Christmas cards, email now and then, and visit on occasion (we now live a couple hrs away). (Also, we never slept together if that makes any difference).
In graduate school, I dated someone for 3 years. We are still friends but don't really communicate much outside of FB wall posts. I do feel though that if I ever needed anything (e.g., legal advice - he's a lawyer, etc.), he would help. He is also married with kids.
Beyond that I am FB friends with at least 10 other exes that I dated from 3 mo-2.5 years. We might "like" each others photos or say "Happy Birthday", but that's about it. Not really any private communication. Most (if not all) are married.
My husband knows I talk to a couple of my exes and have others as FB friends... it doesn't bother him at all. He definitely trusts me. I would cut off contact with all of them if he really had an issue, but it would make me kind of sad since my high school boyfriend has been a friend for the last 20+ years.
My DH doesn't communicate with any of his exes, but it wouldn't bother me if he did as long as he was open about it and it wasn't too frequent.
pomegranate / 3729 posts
We are both in communication with several of our ex's. But, we started dating at 18 and 19, so we are generally talking about high school boyfriend and girlfriend's. There are a couple people that we don't want each other in contact with, and we respect each other's wishes on that.
We are actually going to have dinner next week with my ex-bf from HS and part of college and his wife, and also DH's ex-gf from HS and her husband! We went to both of their weddings!
eggplant / 11824 posts
We're both FB friends with exes. Just because a relationship didn't work out doesn't mean something is automatically a bad person or has to be banished from your life. I dated a lot of great guys; just not great for me!
My husband and his ex-wife are in similar fields and so they see each other at conferences a couple times a year and email each other to bounce work ideas back and forth, discuss projects, etc. Sometimes they grab a drink at a conference (usually as part of a larger group); doesn't bother me.
coconut / 8472 posts
DH is friends with his for the most part. One came to our wedding, and I really like her. It helped that she has a very serious boyfriend and lives in China, lol. Though her bf and DH were oddly similar, haha.
I am friendly-ish with one of mine. We're in the same group of friends so I can't avoid him completely. I did cut him out of much of my life because we had a very bad breakup and we kept trying to be friends, which didn't work. He wanted to have me there as the best friend to him I'd been for years, while he dated someone who was acceptable to his mother (which, as a white person dating and Indian guy, I was not). So now we see each other and we're nice to each other, but honestly he creeps me out a little because I think he married her because he felt like he had no other choice. He never seems cheerful any more and is always staring at me and looking at me when he laughs, like he wants to share the joke with me.
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
I don't talk to any of my ex's. We occassionaly see a guy a went on a couple dates with. He is friends with my friend's husband. But DH doesn't know we slept together once and then a year later went on a couple dates. I figure past is the past. I don't ask about girls when I meet him from high school or college, if they dated or anything.
pomelo / 5469 posts
I'm FB friends with a couple of mine and we speak on there maybe once or twice a year? Usually it's when I have a specific question that I know they will be able to help me out with, or they congratulated me when I got engaged and married and vice versa.
I know DH is FB friends with his ex, but I'm not sure whether they speak or not. It wouldn't bother me either way.
honeydew / 7586 posts
We are still acquaintances with a few of our exes. Neither of us have ever had a traumatic breakup and our relationships ended because we grew apart. So, neither of us have hard feelings towards our exes. In fact, DH talks to one of my exes more than I do!
We are open and honest with each other regarding communication. We trust each other whole-heartedly and don't believe in "allowing" or "disallowing" friends. That being said, if one of us was seriously bothered I think we would stop talking to that person out of respect for each other.
pomelo / 5228 posts
I used to exchange yearly Happy Birthday emails with one of my exes, but that stopped in the last few years. I'm guessing he found out I got married and stopped initiating it (I often forgot).
Another ex and I remained friends for about 6mo after we broke up (it was a silly relationship anyway), until I found out he started dating his next gf before we broke up and I confronted them about it (this was in college, and long distance).
DH is FB friends with his ex. She trashed him big time after the breakup, but he is pretty forgiving. They don't really talk, just the occasional email. I'm not thrilled, but I don't feel right to tell him not to. She is far away and I trust him completely.
bananas / 9628 posts
@rahlyrah: i don't like to think of it as 'allowing' or not, but if someone who was formerly in a relationship with an ex and was now married, if the ex was flirtatious still in a very obvious way and was extremely rude to the current spouse and this made new spouse uncomfortable, i'd like to think communication would stop just out of respect to new spouse, without needing to be forbidden.
eggplant / 11287 posts
I don't talk to any of my exes but I am friends with DH's ex GF. She's awesome, LOL!!!
honeydew / 7586 posts
@mrs. bird: I agree, completely. If there was inappropriate behavior, than both of us would cut off communication out of respect for the other person.
What I meant, and probably did not explain correctly, is that I would never tell my husband he couldn't be friends with someone for the simple fact that he used to date her. He is the same way. Most of our exes are legitimately good people. Our relationships just happened to fizzle out. We've never had nasty breakups so we are friendly with most people we've dated and none of our exes have ever acted in an inappropriate manner. We just don't believe in ending friendships from before our relationship just because it was romantic at some point.
Does that make sense?
coconut / 8475 posts
No....I wouldn't say friends or anything.
One guy does text me now and again for holidays and birthdays. He is married with kids and so am I. dh knows..and it's just such a formal relationship at this point.
pomelo / 5789 posts
We are still friendly with a few exes. I had one bad breakup and SO had one bad breakup so we don't talk to those but we do talk to the others.
Like rahlyrah we are honest and open and trust each other but if we were seriously bothered we would probably stop out of respect.
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