So, my lo is due in May and my parents are very excited to be grandparents. This one is their first grandchild so everything is new. My mom will be providing child care somewhat frequently, and I am having some conflict with her as far as crib safety(among other things). She pulled the crib she used for me 27 years ago and says "it's in perfect condition I'm going to set it up for the baby so she has a crib/room at my house" she has proceeded to buy a whole bedding set and nursery decor for the room at her house. While I know she means well, the crib could not possibly meet safety standards, is drop side and according to standards cribs past 10 years shouldn't even be considered. I expressed to her from the beginning and have mentioned that I didn't want her to use it several times, but every time I mention it she gets offended and says, "do you really think I'd do something to hurt my grand baby?"We are very fortunate to have my mom for childcare and are really going to depend on her, but i do not want my baby in that crib! I got a crib safety brochure for her to look at next time I see her, so we'll see how that goes. Has anyone else experienced this situation or a similar one with lo's grandparents? How did/would you handle?
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I haven't experienced anything similar.. but maybe you can just let your mom have her way for the first 6 months or so..? LOs don't move for the first 4 months and can't pull themselves up until they're around 8 months old.
Then you can conveniently break the crib and buy her a new one? HA. jk...?Btw, I think it's incredible that your mom still has the crib you used!
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Ya, its tough I don't want to undermine her, because I definitely appreciate the fact that she is so sweet and wants baby to have her own place. And I think she thinks its special for my baby to sleep in the crib that was mine. It just makes me nervous cause she doesn't plan to use the crib til baby is a lil older, she will use my pack n play with the bassinet when she is tiny. But yea it may just have to "break" oops haha
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Boundaries now or it's only going to get worse. Our parents have been pretty respectful about most things, but we had some serious conflicts about foods and drinks. I finally said at one point, "Well, I'm a pediatrician and things have changed a lot since you were raising your kids. The recommendations are now ____. We hope that you will respect our decisions."
Worked out ok, though I felt we were all a little bruised at the end of it.
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To be devil's advocate: I'm using a crib that my grandpa made...for my mom. It's over 60 years old and works fine. Yes, things have come a long ways since we were little but if she's not using the drop side and leaving it up I honestly wouldn't have a problem with it. To me, there are bigger fish to fry.
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What about fixing the drop sides so that they are stationary? Would that ease your comfort about the crib?
The crib my parents used for their children is still in circulation among my family, and while DH and I didn't want to even consider it for our son, my one brother is for any future children they may have. It was a drop side and he's going to make it so the sides no longer move and they are comfortable with that.
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I'm really fascinated by the drop side thing.
We just bought a brand new cot (which is what they call cribs here) and it has a drop side. I'm not worried about it because I know they are generally much stricter about safety guidelines (on EVERYTHING!) here in the UK and the drop side is still widely available. I wonder what the reason for this difference is... -
I'd be too paranoid to use the crib too. I wouldnt let this go, and tell her thanks for offering all your help but if you don't respect my decisions as a parent I'd rather pay someone who will. Childrens safety comes before everything, including my mom's feelings.
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@artbee that's kind of the point my husband and I are at it's tough that she's not at all trying to espect Our wishes
@mrs.jacks I fear the boundaries stuff, because this isn't the only issue my mom is pushing(she also does not exactly support my decision to breast feed because she didnt bf) and lo isn't even born yet! I have a feeling we're just going to have to step up and let her know our concerns whether it hurts our relationship or not
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@Mrs.M57: it's a super tough situation, I'm glad I'm not in it and it really sucks that you are. Your mom has to realize your a mom now and you get to make the decisions for your lo like she made the decisions for you. I'm a person who likes to pick my battles. Some things just aren't worth fighting for but anything to do with your baby's safety obviously is.
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What if you just brought a new crib over to her house, or just had it delivered?
My mom hasn't cared for babies in almost 30 years, so I appreciate that the grands sometimes don't know what's news these days, but either you pull the bandaid off now or it just gets worse.
What's the worse that can happen?
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It really sucks when parents won't respect your parenting decisions... especially when it comes to safety.
That being said, we're using the crib I using when I was a baby... 20-something years ago. The slats on the side meet current safety standards, and we're just converting it to a stationary side crib with L-brackets.
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That's a really hard situation! I'm sorry!! Could you try sitting your mom down with the information & then just talk to her about it again? Maybe it would make you feel less stressed to just get it out there that you are so appreciative but you will really be needing her support, especially with things like breastfeeding. As far as the crib goes could you just buy a new one inexpensively, super basic but safe & say you'd really rather use that because your "doctor" or whoever insisted? Put the "blame" on someone else a little bit? Tell her you know she provided you with the safest items around when you were born & you'd like to do the same for LO? good luck!!
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