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I had the opposite problem. My DH was always on the computer researching for himself so he knew a lot and I couldn't get away with anything!

@septemberlove: At first DH was alot like your SO but with time he has gotten WAY overprotective. It's a little annoying at times. He doesn't even like me removing my own fingernail polish because the chemicals can soak into my skin and hurt the baby. After our anatomy scan it became "real" for him.

To be honest I think we all have to pick and choose which risks we are willing to take. Sometimes DH and I agree on those, sometimes we don't. In the beginning he was less helpful but when I finally got to the third trimester and had a noticeable bump and he could feel and see her moving around, he became super protective, so it is possible your DH will change his mind.

Regarding painting (and other things that don't happen everyday) I would just explain to him what the risk is, why you don't want to take it, and then I'd drop it, at least for now. Just simply don't paint or don't do whatever you don't feel comfortable doing, but don't force him to do non-essential things either. Then I'd try to see if he can make it to doctors appointments. Hearing the heartbeat and seeing the ultrasounds when he can has helped my DH stay involved and I think played a role in his becoming more and more protective..

The thing is....*everything* is "risky" these days. Think up absolutely anything you can think of, and google it, and you'll find that someone out there will claim it caused them to miscarry, or is responsible for their child having autism, or what have you. Unless you live in a bubble (and probably even then), you breathe in and come in contact with all sorts of nasty chemicals and things every single day. You have to decide what you're comfortable with, and if you are not comfortable with something, your husband should back you up.

The position I took, which my husband completely agreed with, is that I'm the one carrying the baby, its my body, and I'm the one who is at risk. If I feel comfortable doing something, I'm going to do it, and frankly, I didn't want hear any shit about it. If I didn't want do something because I thought it was risky - same rule applied. Luckily (I suppose), we both agreed on what we considered "risky", and what we just didn't.

DH does ti to me, but more with parenting stuff I read. The biggest fight we've had so far is about our flat screen TV -- I want to mount it, he thinks that it's too small to be that far away (huh? It'd be like, 5 inches farther back) and literally rolled his eyes when I told him that toddlers injure themselves by pulling TVs down on themselves.

As for the risky stuff, he's more paranoid than I am. He's constantly asking me if I should be doing something, etc. I wanted to paint, and he was so uncomfortable with it, but I forced him to let me because our doctor said it was cool, and I'm a control freak. We did the living room together and he got paint everywhere so I did our bedroom myself on Saturday (low-VOC paint, well ventilated) but after spending 11 hours painting that bedroom, I'm ready to hire professionals for the rest of the rooms!

Anyway, I agree that if something is risky to you, don't do it. And if he gives you a hard time, just state that you'd rather be safe than sorry and would rather not do it than have to live with yourself if something happened. And then just go about your business. He'll adjust!