I don't know how I should feel about this, but I need to get it out. Yesterday, DH played hooky from work. He called in sick and went to the beach by himself. Then got a haircut, test drove a car and then went to the bookstore, all by himself. Here's the kicker, I had no clue until I went out and found the receipt for McDs (at the beach) in the car. He wasn't going to tell me, in fact he said he wasn't. At first, I wasn't upset, but today I am. I don't get that chance to play hooky. He never gives me the option. And when I ask, it's always with conditions. I feel like I am going to cry now. And what if something had happened to him while he was up at the beach?
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Playing hooky isn't a big deal but to keep it secret?! That's shitty. Real shitty. Everyone needs a "mental health day" once in awhile! Especially sans kids. Did you ask why he wasn't going to tell you?
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Yeah I would be super mad about this.
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I would be REALLY upset about this. Keeping secrets is a big ol' no no. What was he doing that he didn't want you to know about? If my husband told me he really needed a day to himself I would be sure that happened for him... there would be no reason to be sneaky about it.
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My husband did this a few months ago. Went golfing and to a movie with a friend. I flipped out!!! I wish I had better advice but I am sending hugs!
Eta - my dh claimed if he told me that i wouldn't have let him. Uhhh..I would have understood but the lying is childish.
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@blackbird: he said that he wasn't going to tell me because he knew I'd be mad. Ya, I am. I'm home with the two kids all day every day, as he keeps telling me, it's my job. Don't I get a break too?
@mamamoose: it's not the first time he's done something similar. He did something terrible just after I got pregnant with DS. It took me a long time to trust him again. -
Yes I would feel very upset about this, betrayed almost. Why did he feel he needed to keep it from you, why the secrets? I'm all for each parent needing some quiet/sans kids time, but the secret would bother me. I'm sorry, I think you have every right to be upset!
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Man, that would make me mad that he wasn't going to tell you - and I would be so jealous! Hopefully he can understand why you feel that way. Maybe you can plan a day (with his knowledge, because you are considerate
) for yourself sometime soon. I know it's not about keeping score in a marriage or in parenthood but I would feel completely justified in evening the score on this one.
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I wish I had some calming, how to fix this advice, but I would just be super pissed. Doing it is one thing, hiding it is another. And the fact that you never get a mental health day is bull.
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@sorrycharlie: that's exactly what he said! it's not like I would have said no. He was off the last two Fridays doing stuff with us so I get wanting to have me time. And he goes out by himself more than I do. He's seen movies by himself, gone out with his friends, etc. How are you doing, lady? I read your other post...
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I'd be mad, too. I hope you ask him when is your day to go to the beach by yourself?
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ummm. yeah. That's not cool. If he felt the need to be by himself, that's one thing. But the not telling you? I'd be super pissed.
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So, he gets to play hooky from HIS job, but you don't get to play hooky from yours? Because looking after 2 children is most definitely a job!! I would be livid for so many reasons!! I hope that you can make him understand your side of things. You deserve a day off too!
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I would be mad about the secret.
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Oh yeah, I'd be blinded by pissed off-ness. If full-time taking care of the kids is your job (which it is an awesome job) then does that mean you get to disappear on a Saturday to get a massage and go shopping? That guy had better give you a break. An "equal to spending all day in the beach" break!
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@belleoftheballe: I would definitely be mad too. I'm sorry
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That's definitely a breach of trust. Not OK.
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I would be incredibly upset that my DH took take a hooky day, while I thought he was working, and go have his own little life for the day. Unacceptable in my book! It's fine that he wants to have a day to himself, but to not tell me... ummm no.. If he can hide that how the heck am I not supposed to wonder what else he's hiding?! Boo that! I would be SO upset AND hurt!
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My first thought when I read this was what was he doing? Did he meet a person or people while he was there? It just seems so weird to step completely out of the routine like that and not mention it.
I hope he is able to resolve this to your satisfaction soon. You have every right to be upset!
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@Mrs. Jacks: Same here, my first thought if DH did this would be "who were you with?".
It's great to take time off to do your own thing, I strongly support mental health days..but secret mental health days? Aw hell naw.
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Ugh, I don't understand why he would feel the need to not tell you.
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I'd be pretty annoyed that he didn't tell me about it. Am I really that unreasonable of a person that you can't be honest with me that you need a break? AND...if you get to do it, then we need to plan a day where I get to do it too. He's not the only one who needs a break!
@belleoftheballe: Lots of hugs...
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@Mrs. Jacks: that was my first thought too, as I found his wedding ring in the console box in the middle of the car.
i just don't get it either.
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@belleoftheballe: Does he normally take off his ring like this? Did he have an explanation for why he decided to keep it a secret and why he took his ring off?
I would be very, very hurt and upset.
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@belleoftheballe: Oh no, the ring was off? Did you ask about it? That would have been a big big deal to me. If he takes it off normally then maybe not so much..maybe he just went swimming??
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@belleoftheballe: Woah....you found his wedding ring in the car? Is that normal?
On top of cutting out on work and having his secret day and only telling you because you found a receipt??I hate to be negative nancy but there are holes all over this story and if it were me I'd be digging for some more info. Something doesn't seem right here.
I'm really sorry -
I would be pissed and then a whole other level of pissed if I found his wedding ring off.
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@belleoftheballe: Eek...now I would certainly question who he was with as well. Did he make it a point to tell you that he was alone? I'm with @Smurfette: I would be a whole other level of pissed right now if the wedding ring was also off during his hooky time.
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The receipt you found was it for one meal?
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@Pumpkinspice: @MrsTiz: @Reese: He frequently takes the ring off as he says he thinks it's too small. But usually he leaves it at home.
I know something doesn't seem right about this. I check his phone for stuff too, but he doesn't like that. I've done it for about three years now, but he broke my trust once.
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@Smurfette: yes, it was.
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@2PeasinaPod: yes he said that he was alone. He was very specific about that. And he told me everything he did.
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@Smurfette: That's a good question.
I'd be snooping for more receipts to validate where he says he was in addition to the place he got his food.
I've been cheated on so maybe I'm hyper paranoid but this just has red flags glaring at me. -
@belleoftheballe: When he first broke your trust...was it lying about where he was or lying about who he was with?
I'm really sorry
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I think I'd be annoyed too, so I get where you are coming from. I'd ask him point blank if there is something else going on, maybe there's an issue at work that he needs to work out?
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I'm so sorry! I would definitely be upset too. Hugs!
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@belleoftheballe: That is good. Still would be so mad at him.
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@2PeasinaPod: both. it was a huge mess the first time. we had just bought our house, and found out I was pregnant.
@looch: i know that he is unhappy at work, he keeps applying for new jobs but nothing yet. 8 years in the same job.
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So he acted like he was going to work.. and then went and did all this stuff leaving you at home with the kids?
I'd be upset too! I'm sorry. I can see needing a break (and you too!) but being sneaky about it is not good. Hugs!
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Not telling you where he is not cool at all in case of an emergency. Furthermore, if he broke your trust once he doesn't have the right to just pick up and go. Alarms are going off in my head.
) for yourself sometime soon. I know it's not about keeping score in a marriage or in parenthood but I would feel completely justified in evening the score on this one.
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