Hellobee Boards

@highwire: Absolutely do what is best for you. I totally get the guilt complex--I would feel the same way, I think. But the truth is you really DON'T know what you'll ultimately decide, since you're not at that point yet,, so I think it's okay to keep your options open, like you said.

Yes, two of my mom friends quit work while pregnant only to decide that staying at home wasn't what they really wanted. One mom started an at-home business for a while, but ended up quitting that because of pressures at home. The other mom is just now getting back to work (her daughter just turned 2), but she has said on multiple occasions how she wishes she could've started back sooner.

I think it's great to keep your options open as long as possible. If you do decide you want to go back to work, you can do that right away; otherwise, it might take a couple years (or more!) until you can get back into the workforce.

@Highwire: I totally agree with @Hilsy85, i.e., to keep your options open. I know it may feel a little disingenuous, but unless and until you decide that you are not, in fact, coming back, it is best to keep those cards close to your chest.

For me, I have found that one day I really (really really) want to stay home (I am an attorney, and honestly, sometimes I feel like I am barely hanging on and that I may not be able to get a grip once butterbean gets here), and a week or so later, I feel like I really (really really) will be happier/ more fulfilled if I continue to work.

I don't know what it is like to SAH . . . so, before I make that decision, I need to do just that--stay at home (maternity leave) with butterbean to see just what it is like.

@highwire: The friend who just went back to work was kinda forced into being at home because of medical issues. She ended up spending 3 months in the hospital on bed rest during her pregnancy, and then spent another month there after her daughter was born, since she was a preemie. With all of the issues that often come with preemies, she wasn't able to get back to work until recently. She is an art professor at the local community college (along with doing commissioned art and selling her own pieces) so her work really is her passion.

The other friend, well, I just don't think she's cut out for the SAH life. Before marrying her husband, she was in a very high profile position in the financial sector, but her husband has very traditional feelings about parenting and household care/maintenance. I think she thought she'd be happy to take a break from the busy lifestyle she had before, but I really think she feels unfulfilled and lonely at home all day with her son. She started up a couponing website for a while, but she felt overwhelmed trying to keep that up and the house and taking care of the baby, so she ultimately gave that up too. She's a good mom, don't get me wrong, but she's not very happy doing childcare and household care all day, every day. She always says how much happier she used to be in her old career, but that's not really an option for her right now (she's pregnant with #2, so it'll be at least 5 years before she goes back).

ETA: From my own experience, being a SAHM CAN be very isolating/lonely. It's not for everyone, and some people are more affected by having less adult interaction/stimulation than before.

I told my employers that I would be returning after maternity leave. I had 7 months off and I also had a three month notice period, which means I had to tell them 3 months in advance if I decided not to come back to work.

Before I went on leave, I was certain I would return. I had a rough first few months and made the decision not to return and told my employer in February. Looking back, it was the worst time to make the decision because I was still feeling really out of it and couldn't possibly imagine going back to work when no one was really sleeping or eating well.

Good luck, it's impossible to know how you're going to feel, if your child will have issues that require you to stay at home, etc. The best you can do is leave your options open.

I am in the same boat as you. I know I won't be back full time but I'm not going to tell them that, I'm afraid they would cut my benefits early, and if I wanted to go back part time I still want a job. I feel a little bad doing this, but what else can I do since I'm really not sure yet?

@artbee: That's exactly what happened to me!! I had a "fussy" baby and I remember calling my husband at 4 or 5 weeks and telling him I did not want to take my full 12 weeks, that I was going back after 8 weeks because I could take it. Then we put my LO on Zantac and everything changed for the better. I ended up taking my 12 weeks and then an additional 30 day leave of absence.

I wanted to stay home. I am soooooo glad that I went back to work afterwards. Okay, kinda. I hated the job I was at when I got pregnant. It was horrible and getting pregnant there was worse. BUT, at 9 months old I got another job which gives me some more flexibility.

I always say I am a better mother because he goes to daycare. I need some time to myself. He was also a very very very difficult baby. He literally screamed for 12 - 18 hours a day when he was born. It took months to figure out what was wrong. So getting that break where someone else had to deal with him who wasn't so attached was good for us.

It also allows me some adult time and something to focus on. Of course, I love my new job and I think that helps as well.

Because of my bad employment experience, I always think it is best to say the absolutely minimum in an employment situation.