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We're stuck in this right now. We just moved so there's a ton of stuff to do around the house, and it's a domino effect where item #20 can't be done until 1-19 are accomplished.

I am both stressed because stuff isn't getting done, and because I NEED 'me' time. Like, to be sane.

My mom and sister keep on going on about how our house is a mess and we have too much stuff (that's because item #9 on The List is 'paint and install flooring in basement to turn it into a big family/play room'). Which, needless to say, hasn't happened yet. I hate them right now for adding to my stress.

I have no answers

@Cherrybee: we don't plan it. One of us just says, "I need to just relax right now." The other one just continues the day without the other until they feel like they can join us again. Things just get done a bit slower but there's no deadline anyways.

We have the same problem and don't have a solution. Part of our issue is that Dh golfs. It's a long stretch of time every time. Our "compromise" has been that he only plays once a weekend. But that leaves te other weekend day for family time and chore time and no mom time. He is good (usually) when I say I need some time to just be off, but if I'm there, I'm the one doing 80% or more of the parenting. Then I get mad because I think he should be able to feed her/ mind her nap schedule/ whatever else. But I sah so of course I'm more aware of these things.

So we don't have a solution, but I can admit that part of the problem is that I need to speak up before it becomes a problem. Like yesterday I sai I needed some time off this weekend, like for a pedicure or something, and I will get that tomorrow but he also took C and let me sleep for an extra hour. So we are working on it, I guess.

We absolutely do and we trade off doing it. Say DH takes C to the park for 3 hours on Saturday and leaves me at home in my pjs playing the Sims. Later that day or on Sunday, I'll take her somewhere for a couple hours so that he can have some free time too. It's honestly really improved how we feel about things. Parents still need time alone away from their kids.

I think having a break to be alone is extremely important but it's a two way street. If he gets to sleep in until 8 and lay in bed reading a book, so do you. Tomorrow is your day to do it.

As for work around the house, we just do it. C hangs out with us and "helps" (aka gets in the way) and we work on it together while she's there.

Yep definitely. LO is only 4mo and I SAH so I'm very much in the mode of her needing me 24/7 and it can be exhausting. I got really upset around 2 mo because I'd never gotten out without her for longer than an hr (and then only to go to the doctor or run to target or grocery) and it was pissing me off the DH would come home and complain about his lunch order with friends being messed up and I'd be like OH MUST BE SO NICE YOU GET TO GO OUT TO LUNCH WITH YOUR FRIENDS ALL THE TIME. (he works with a bunch of guys he's friends with and they go to lunch 2 times/week or so). So he demanded I leave the house lol. I've only done it 3 times in the last 2 months, but getting to go out to dinner with a friend, go shopping, go get a pedicure, does wonders for making me feel like a real person again and not just a mom.

I hope you find a good routine and trade off for you both very soon. You both need and should get it.

Our situation is a little different. Dan has weird work hours, so on weekends or when he's home, he wants to spend time with Sadie. He doesn't get to see her often. He doesn't get home until 10pm, so he usually has his "me time" then... watching TV or gaming. I guess my alone time is during naps?

Yes, definitely. It's a little different since I SAH and am with LO all the time, so DH tries to get some alone time with LO to kind of balance things a bit.

Right now I'm pregnant so my energy levels are not great. Last night, he went for drinks with co-workers. This morning he woke up with LO and they watched the Man City/Arsenal match and now they're at the park with our stinky dog while I do some major cleaning (which I weirdly actually like). This afternoon we will have time altogether. And tomorrow we're going apple picking, so we'll have a full family day. So I think it's pretty balanced and I feel very lucky to have things this way.

We both exercise kid free some during the week. And even though dh is working like crazy now he knows I need a bit of kid free time on his day off. And he usually takes time for himself to bike/ work on bike/ little projects. We'd both go crazy if we didn't have our own time. We do have lots of family outings though too and try to have a half hour to an hour of each other time after kids are asleep. we try to balance it out. It is hard though making sure every one has what they need. anytime family stays over we go on a date at least for an hour

One of the best gifts DH ever got me for Christmas was a class to learn how to skate ski. I sucked at it, but the first time I drove to the lesson by myself I realized how FREE I felt. Like the merest tinge of pre-baby life free. I wasn't going to work, I wasn't doing housework, I was going to do something fun. (If repeatedly falling in a mess of skis and poles could be called fun.) That's when I realized that we both needed some major "guilt free do whatever we want" time away from a cute 15 month old who all of a sudden thinks he's people.

The important part is recognizing that child-free time can be spent however we want, and should be guilt free, as long as we both pitch in for the mundane chores. But I'm lucky that DH doesn't demand this of me (and I don't demand it of him) every day. Our day to day routine is a little bit of give, a little bit of take. Although, I feel like the burden of feeding E has been mostly on DH, and feeding E is stressful.

It's a two way street, though. I let him sleep in without fuss, knowing the favor shall be returned. I'm not endlessly generous, you know like just now, I spent 30 min napping and playing on the internet on my phone while he gave her a snack, changed her, and put her down. I got my break!

DH will be babysitting LO for one full day a week, on one of his day off, so I def need to let him be free on Sat if he wants to go fishing or just do nothing. I'm thinking if he goes out fishing in the morning, then maybe I can go away in the afternoon to get my nails done, shop at Target, etc. And then some Sats will be having fun with LO... Now if only it will work out the way I imagine once LO is here!

LO takes a decent nap on the weekends (one 2-3 hr nap) and goes to bed at 7 so I normally don't feel the need to get a ton of "me" time (and neither does DH) while she's awake. I still get lots of me time, but I just do it while she's napping or asleep for the night (I'll go get a pedicure while DH reads/naps or I'll read/nap while he does something outside the house). If I'm not feeling well DH will take her to the park or the grocery store so that I can have alone time, but for the most part we spend her awake time as a family as we both WOH so don't get a ton of time with her during the week.

ETA: I agree that you could cut your DH a little bit of slack, but it also seems like he expects too much. I would never wake up 2 hours after DH, then spend the morning reading in bed, then decline to go with him and LO to the park. Maybe one of those things, but as a parent I don't ever expect almost an entire weekend day as "me" time.

We definitely do. I have a hard time asking for time to myself but DH is always happy to take DS, so I've started asking more often. I was becoming resentful for a while, but then we talked about it and it's been a lot better since then. Even just an hour here and there can make a huge difference!

@Mrs Green Grass: I really like this plan. I assume it gives you some free time to relax and to get chores done!

@Cherrybee: I can sympathize with you on the early morning wakeups and I often have the same reaction . I think what bothers me is that the expectation is that I will get up and I need to ask him to get up if I am tired. Dd is very attached to me so a lot of time it just seems easier if I do something, but after awhile it starts to wear on me. I also know I am unreasonable at times, since my DH works long hours and often travels for work. However when he travels I know they are going out for dinner and drinks so I tell him that counts as his free time! I can sympathize with you and I know chasing after a toddler is no joke, moms need breaks too !

Well, your DH needs to learn to deal. He knows that if he acts like he's incapable, you rush to his side. He can't take advantage, this system doesn't work that way.