Hellobee Boards

@Cherrybee: How about agreeing to an internal mantra of "I'm tired, your tired, we're all tired" to give levity to the situation , and instead of saying the first upset/snarky thing that comes to mind, say "Thank you" instead. Even if you or he doesn't mean it. No one needs to have a conversation, much less an argument in the middle of the night. Especially if you've got a nice routine going.

There are a few things DH does that I let go in the moment, because of something my brilliant friend did once. Both she and her husband were friends of mine before they married. They were living apart for school/work reasons and he came home late one night to surprise her. But she wasn't home, because I invited her to the movies. He was so mad that she wasn't there waiting for him (never mind that he didn't tell her he was coming) that he got a ride and took her car from the parking lot, making us think it was stolen. When we finally figured out what was going on, I was boiling mad. When he came to pick us up, he let out a stream of verbal diarrhea. " I expect you to be home, etc etc etc "

I expected her to yell back. I was furious! I definitely would have matched his yelling word for word. But she stayed silent. Then the next day, when he had calmed down, she let him have it in the most epic fashion. She recognized that he wasn't going to realize what a jerk he was being in the heat of the moment. Her restraint has actually stayed with me as superhuman, but also a necessary marriage tool. (And for the record , I love both these people. They are rock stars.)

We definitely snap at each other a lot in the middle of the night- and I fully admit I'm the bigger culprit. It helps us to have a game plan going to bed- like, if she wakes up before 2, you go in, after I will go. And during the really bad nights we take turns (small one story condo so no one has to go downstairs for meds).

I also may very briefly rage in our room before going in- God, just shut up and go to sleep!-- plus curses- but only in our room. By the time I go to C's room I'm nicer.

I agree with Foodnerd about coming up with a game plan. It's harder to get upset when you know what to expect ahead of time. We never argued over this in the early days when DS was having multiple night wakings, but now that we know what it's like to sleep again it is a little more frustrating when he does wake up in the MOTN for one reason or another.

This was us totally in the midst of the frequent night wakings. After awhile we constituted the "no talking in the middle of the night rule" lol we found that there is nothing nice to say to each other at 3am.

DH and I snap at each other during MOTN wakeups, but neither of us holds a grudge and all is normal and well in the morning when we wakeup.