pomelo / 5220 posts
@autumnlove: wow... that is the prime example of "think it, don't say it." Like wish her well, and move on. Sheesh.
I am always surprised when people announce early in very public ways (i.e. social media) but mostly cause I am nervous for them and have seen someone go through a loss publicly. It was difficult for her because those who hadn't seen the "we lost the baby" post would comment "how you feeling mama!" comments...
grapefruit / 4800 posts
I don't understand why it would matter to people. Some people may not want to be open about a miscarriage but I see no reason why it's a requirement to keep it behind closed doors. Many of my friends have been open about theirs and I think it's helped others know they're not alone. And I think the first trimester is often one of the hardest. You don't look pregnant but feel super pregnant, it can be isolating and depressing to have to go it alone. I get irritated whenever confides in me they can't believe someone announced early, just celebrate their joy instead of trying to be a concern troll.
watermelon / 14206 posts
I don't care.
BUT my ex's friend had his wife announce to him (the husband) through a fb announcement. It was like, I just POAS and look!! That would be a no no to me.
But everyone, I don't care.
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
This is tough, I mean to each their own, we told our parents right away with both pregnancies, and my best friends knew as well as my sisters within a few weeks. People who I would need support if I needed it in a loss. however, I'm not going to lie I judge a little when I see stuff on FB for people I barely know announcing at say 6 weeks and see comments from their family going "oh wow we had no idea" I even saw a grandma-to-be say "seriously I have to find out from Facebook" and to me that just seems disrespectful to family, announcing in such a public forum. Again each their own but I do get slightly judgy, can't help it (being honest!)
pomelo / 5243 posts
I don't begrudge people that announce before an ultrasound but it does make me "cross my fingers" nervous for them.
My friend announced she was pregnant by showing up at my house for the weekend almost 6 months pregnant. She just wasn't telling people. That annoyed me because I thought we were both several months into TTC. Luckily I got my BFP the next day.
eggplant / 11287 posts
I don't care if someone announces the day they find out because it has no impact on me whatsoever.
So, what if the pregnancy does end in a loss after the announcement? I guess thats the "worst case scenario" with announcing early, right? It would be unfortunate and very sad, and everyone would know she miscarried. But what's so bad about that? Obviously she's sharing her journey by announcing early...I don't get what there is to look down upon or raise your eyebrows at.
pomelo / 5257 posts
It doesn't bother me. I think the whole idea of "Omg, you MUST wait until at least 12 weeks!!" rule is a little silly. To each their own. I don't even get nervous if someone announces early because I assume they are aware of the risks and wouldn't mind people knowing if something bad did happen. I'm sure there are plenty of people who would want people to know and would want that pregnancy acknowledged, no matter how short. I'm not one of those people, I can be very private about such things...but I don't begrudge those who are.
pomegranate / 3192 posts
The only reason I don't like super early announcements (except for close friends of course) is because I feel like the pregnancy drags on forever!!! 8ish months is a loooong time. But I'm always happy for them and supportive no matter when they announce.
I didn't "announce" on Facebook until our son was in our arms. We posted a photo that said "look what we made!" Lots of people were super surprised (people who aren't really close, friends I don't see often) but their reactions were great. I'm 15 weeks with #2 and will probably wait until after he/she is here to say anything.
pomelo / 5660 posts
coffee bean / 47 posts
It does not matter to me when others choose to announce, I figure if they announce early, then they probably will not mind the support if something happens. For myself, I was super over the top crazy about no one knowing until after 12 weeks. Looking back, it would not have been a big deal if people would have found out early. We announced to family at 12 weeks, I did facebook at 6 months because I knew by then photos of my shower would give it away, anyway. If there is a next time, I'll probably announce sooner. I think I was just terrified because it was my first pregnancy! Most people I know announce to family around 8 weeks and do the FB thing around 12.
pomegranate / 3375 posts
I encourage people to share when they are ready. We will likely share right away next time. After going through a previous loss in a very isolated place, I've learned that for me, sharing early is probably best (no matter the outcome). I have friends with previous losses who feel way more comfortable sharing around 14 weeks, and I don't think anything about it.
@Rainbow Sprinkles: Our first loss happened at 5.5 weeks, before we had announced. It was my first pregnancy, I still looked at miscarriage as a taboo topic. It was so isolating and sad. From there, we decided that even if something happened next time, we were comfortable sharing with friends and family very early on, because we wanted their support no matter what. I will say, that circle of people was rather small, but it was nice to tell some people right away. Plus, the conversation and congrats helped get me through to the dating scan where we saw a healthy baby.
pomegranate / 3533 posts
I cringe when someone I don't know well shares their news super-early...but that's just prior experience (m/m/c, blighted ovum) talking...and the thought of lots and lots of unwanted attention in the event of a loss (yes, my limited announcement of my first pregnancy at 8weeks "got out" and was a tremendous PITA for months to come). And yes, as some pp have said, I feel a little jealous (or something) of that kind of confidence.
If it's someone I'm close to and they're making a limited announcement, that's entirely different to me.
@littlejoy: I'm so sorry you had to go through that alone.
grapefruit / 4359 posts
I had a mc in Oct/Nov and I've been thinking a lot about this topic. Back then, I told relevant people (my 3-person work team, my immediate family, my best friend) right away. I'm glad I had their support throughout the loss, and the loss became more and more public because it took 3 weeks and an ER visit and I'm the type that never misses work. The "publicity" didn't matter to me bc ppl were very kind and accommodating, and I didn't feel any pressure to "put on a happy face."
Next time, I will not tell anyone until betas probably, then again I will tell the same people, in person. However, I may share to more people in person "early" (8-10) weeks if everything is on track. In my opinion, I never will know how long the pregnancy will last, so I want to enjoy it as much as possible, and for me, that means sharing. I also would want people's prayers and support.
But never FB until like 12-14 weeks. I've never seen someone post before then, anyway.
pomegranate / 3565 posts
@LuLu Mom: I agree with you about the family thing. We found out we were having another niece/nephew that way. At least a text before would have been nice.
Also, some food for thought:
nectarine / 2028 posts
@FliegepilzHut: I'm so sorry you've had such a long journey, and it is out of respect to many like you who have had a hell of a time that I never shared/announced on social media. People important to me found out from me (we told family at 10 weeks and close friends soon after). However, I knew I'd feel awful if someone saw my news while going through her own struggle, so I never FB announced.
After he was born and some people posted congrats on my wall, others said, "OMG I didn't know you were pregnant!" I also had a friend lose a baby at 38 weeks, so until the healthy baby arrived I was very nervous and superstitious. That's just me, though!
@DesertDreams88: That's a really interesting read...and doesn't short-change how complicated the issue actually is. Yikes.
@ChiCalGoBee: Thank you, dear. It's been crazy...long and hard. This poses a whole new question...what to do about social media? If it makes any difference, the vast majority of my friends either a) have kids or b) know how long we've been trying and will be happy for us. On the other hand, I hate over-sharing on FB...
pomelo / 5093 posts
I think that the culture of feeling like you have to hide your pregnancy until a certain point just exists to further the shame that weirdly exists if you have a miscarriage. This happens to like, a third of all women - why do we feel so ashamed and embarrassed about it?
I shared the news about my current pregnancy quite early, because I was having bleeding, and I wanted support. I really needed that support, but I knew that if I did miscarry, I'd be judged for having announced. I really hate that.
I know women who like to keep it to themselves for other reasons, and that's great. It's the feeling that you have to, even if you don't want to, that I find really insulting and antifeminist.
persimmon / 1095 posts
I told my team at work as soon as I knew, but that's because I could no longer do parts of my job (possible exposure that's not worth it when pregnant). I told grandparents at 4 and 5 weeks, sisters/brothers at 8 weeks, and facebook at 12/13. I don't care when other people announce.
pomelo / 5132 posts
I don't judge them; I feel nervous for super early announcers though. But if they want to share, more power to them. My family and best friends know, but I haven't told work yet. We heard the heartbeat this week (I'm 11 weeks), so I might feel ok with telling work next week and more people. I don't want to have to keep this a secret, but I'm also nervous, plain and simple. I teach, so I don't want to tell my students prematurely either.
I do agree that the culture of pregnancy makes it hard and lonely for the first trimester.
@FliegepilzHut: You should 100% share whenever you want to!!! With all you've been through you soooo deserve announcing your joy for all to share in! I just feel like since I was so lucky and blessed to have a relatively easy experience compared to others that I didn't want people to think I was rubbing their noses in it? I'm dumb-everyone shares on FB, I'm just weird!
honeydew / 7303 posts
I don't care at all. It does make me nervous for them in the first trimester but I hope every pregnancy is a happy healthy one.
pomegranate / 3706 posts
I think it's weird to be bothered about when other people tell people about their own pregnancies.
@littlejoy: I feel similarly, which is why I don't understand why people see sharing early as such a bad thing. I am so sorry for your loss, and I am so sorry you had to go through that with no support. Hugs.
persimmon / 1316 posts
I don't care when other's announce but my internal reaction is very different. If I see someone announce early I immediately just hope nothing happens vs. them announcing later and just feeling excited for them.
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