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I don't think I'd ever say I consciously felt bad or pitied them- I grew up mostly as an only child with my 2 older siblings out of the house, but now I am closer to them. So I feel like I got the best of both worlds, and I can't imagine not having a sister as an adult. One of my nieces is an only child - so apparently my brother didn't feel as strongly about siblings, LOL.

I think there are positives and negatives to being an only child (or having siblings). I know growing up, my brother and I got into fights ALL THE TIME and drove my parents crazy. BUT we also always had someone to play with, so I think my parents got some down-time from having to entertain us since we could just play together.

Now as an adult, I'm closer than ever to my brother. We get together to hang out every other weekend and I just can't imagine not having him as a friend. I also can't really imagine my children not having cousins - I have sooooo many cousins and aunts and uncles... it would be so bizarre if my kid didn't have those. As it is now, I feel bad for my future kids as they will only have two sets of aunts and uncles since Hubs and I each only have one sibling.

No, not at all. I love my four siblings and think they're great and all, but only children definitely aren't deprived! I've seen the lifestyle those spoiled onlys enjoy...

I don't feel bad for only children. I found that the only children girls i know are normal.. Boys on the other hand are all interesting and have similarities.
The biggest thing I've noticed is that they're really needy.
I know 4 only children boys so it might be a generalization, but just found it interesting!

I can't imagine NOT having my siblings, because just like you, I don't know any different. But I don't feel bad for only children. I see the benefits of both-- and I definitely had my fair share of 'you can't have that because then we would have to get it for everyone'. I loved having siblings so much that I want to make sure our kids have that too, but it's a personal choice and I definitely don't have any judgment for people who choose to have 1. And I don't feel bad or pity them at all!

@LazyLightning: My DH is an only child and I have certainly felt sorry for him for it. He doesn't understand why (for many of the reasons you state). I suppose it comes down to my own memories of my childhood. They are all of me doing things with my brother and sister. I have no idea what you would do with your time as an only child.

My DH would probably be fine if we just had one child, but I made it very clear from when we started talking about babies that I would try to the ends of the earth to make sure we had more than one child.

I suppose it comes down to the joy and memories I have with my own siblings. There are no relationships like those you have with a brother or a sister. Actually maybe there is, but I have never experienced them

Each to their own. You seem very happy in your decisions, so its great!

I have never felt bad for only children at all and have wondered what I would be like had I been the only one. However, as I get older and see my parents aging, I am thankful that I have a brother to share that burden with. It scares me a little to think about them getting ill and having to shoulder all the responsibility on my own. From an emotional standpoint too. That's just me.

Caring for elderly parents is something that I worry about. However, I've witnessed a lot of families with multiple children struggle just as hard caring for aging parents. Just because there are 2+ children in the family, doesn't mean everyone is going to step up and help. My mom had to take care of her aging step-father because all three of his (able bodied, financially successful) biological children weren't interested in sharing the burden whatsoever. So, there's no guarantee that a sibling will help you take care of your parents anyway.

I don’t feel badly for only children; my DH is an only child (gained a step-sister in high school) and he is very social, well adjusted, etc.

I have 1 brother and we played together a lot growing up; but we also fought all.the.time. Honestly; it must have been freaking exhausting and frustrating for my mother to constantly have to deal with our bickering back and forth over every mundane topic! We also had very, very different interests so we ended up playing separately a great deal of the time (so it wouldn’t have really mattered if we had been only children, we played at different games anyhow). Due to personal issues, my brother isn't in a position to take care of our parents when they need help unless he drastically cahnges his lifestyle; so I already do that as if I was an only child. Having siblings doesn't gaurantee anything in childhood or adulthood.

We’re 99.9% sure we’re only having 1, and we're both totally ok with that.

I don't think I feel bad for them. I have a cousin who's an only and she's basically like another sister to us. As her parents get older, I do feel a little bad that we'll be her only family connection... and that was a huge impetus in us having a sib for Lala. Cousins are great, but but brothers and sisters are bonded whether they want to be or not!

@LazyLightning: Thank you! I read a book on the topic as well. It was about raising your 'only child' in a way that helps to avoid common pitfalls and breaks down misconceptions. We have lots of ties to extended family so hopefully that will help too. Nobody from my family gives me the pressure to have more so that's good. Both DH and I's brothers chose to only have one (for now) also.

I was an only child growing up, my brother wasnt born until I was 9. I relished in the attention I got from my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. My siblings were my 3 cousins that lived in my town. To this day me and my closest in age cousin are still the best of friends. I do remember being about 6 and asking for a brother or sister for christmas. Two of my best friends are also onlies and they pretty much adopted my lil brother as theirs too when he was born. I will say that it took a long time before me and my brother became close and we still pretty much operate in different universes. I was getting married and he hadn't graduated HS yet. As much as i have my cousin and brother i do wish for the closeness that my husband has with his brother who is 3 years older.

I have two very close friends who are only's and I do feel bad for them, but only because they both severely dislike being only children. I would have never thought about it otherwise.

@highwire: It was interesting for me to read about your family and experience with holidays. Your family sounds like how ours will be. Our siblings all live pretty far away with their kids and we don't think we will spend holidays with them. Plus, on his side, the youngest nephew is 9. So, it will be us, plus our lo, plus maybe the grandparents at Christmas. I often wonder how things will feel for her at holidays. She also has no female cousins.

@mrs. jacks: I don't think that all siblings are "bonded." My brother and I have absolutely nothing in common. We used to see each other about once a year, now it's more like once every year and a half or 2 years. We only see each other because my parents want us to visit them at the same time.

@Modern Daisy: why do they dislike being only children now that they are adults? Is it something they always felt and just kept with them or is it something they started feeling as they got older?

I hope no one ever feels bad for our daughter. We are choosing to only have one child to give her the best life possible. Sure, it would be great to have a sibling for her but instead, we will do everything we can to make sure she has the best life possible.

I don't think caring for us as we get older is an issue. We are smart people and we are planning for everything, including our old age. We will not drop that burden on our child. My husband and I expect our parents to take care of themselves, we will do the same.

@mediagirl: That's why I said, "whether they want to be or not". I have 3 sibs, and we don't all get along all the time. In fact, there are times when we've gone years without contact. But like it or not, when shit goes down, you are forced to each participate. What I didn't realize is how dynamic those relationships would be. So with one sib, we didn't talk for years and I thought, "Oh, well this is it. This is how our lives are going to go..." But several years later, the two of us are very close. And I realized that the degree of the relationship is a choice. You don't get that choice as an only.

@highwire: @LazyLightning:
As an only child too, I agree 100% with all of your points.
I'd originally planned to only have 1 as well, so that she could have a similar experience...but now that we're having a boy, I'd like to try for a girl.

I'm an only child and my parents got divorced when I was very young. I don't even remember my father. My mom was very protective of me and I think it has made me a painfully shy person. It takes me a while to warm up to new people. However, I am almost never bored because I am used to entertaining myself.

Although I agree that there are benefits to being an only child, I think I would like to give LO a sibling if I can.

@LazyLightning: I am beginning to suspect that this thread was a trap!!

@LazyLightning: I definitely don't react with horror/confusion!

But I still think your thread was a trap haha...