If so, what makes you feel guilty?
If not, how?!
-
Sure, just about every mom I know has some guilt. I feel by working fulltime I don't see my kids enough, but I'm also the type of person who would not be a successful SAHM (I feel guilty about both of these things.) Ideally I would work part time so I'm fulfilled on both spectrums but financially that is not possible. I wish I had a job I loved more and was less stress so I didn't bring my bad mood home at night. However, I know that as a mom I want to provide a stable and financially sound house with whatever opportunities our girls want, and that means working fulltime right now at a job I don't love because the pay is good.
-
yes. mostly from working full time. i am looking forward to going on mat leave in 5 months and then my plan is to go back part time after that. but i will always feel guilty that i didn't make that happen for the 2 years after my first mat leave.
-
@LuLu Mom: does it make you feel better than as a SAHM, I feel guilty that the only example my daughter sees is mom staying home, and I want her to know she can work and be successful at a job she loves too?
Occasionally I feel guilty about letting her watch extra TV but I do mostly think we keep it in check. I feel a lot more guilt towards the new baby- I wasn't taking vitamins when I got pregnant and often forget to take my prenatals now. I probably drink too much caffeine. And overall I'm less connected to this baby than I was when I was pregnant with C. So that's my big current guilt.
-
A little - I find the older my kids get the less I have
-
Constantly.
I feel guilty because I work, and enjoy working, even though we're both thriving. And because D works second shift, and E hasn't seen him all week except for a few minutes in the morning. (But I used to feel guilty because I didn't feel like I did enough interesting things with him as a SAHM).
I feel guilty that I'm pregnant and can't be as active with him as I used to, and that my temper and patience are shorter, and that I sometimes yell at him, and that I let him use the iPad every day when we get home so I can make dinner.
I feel guilty that I'm so dead on my feet by the time we get home that I just need to sit down, and not go to the playground or something.
I feel guilty that he's not going to be my only child for much longer, and we're about to rock his world. I feel guilty that DD won't get the 19 months home with me that E did...I'll be going back to work between 8-12 weeks because we just can't afford for me not to (we're leaving E in daycare, and my mom will be watching DD at least for a while after I go back to work).
I feel guilty that I'm so dead on my feet by the time we get home that I just need to sit down, and not go to the playground or something.
I feel guilty that he's not going to be my only child for much longer, and we're about to rock his world. I feel guilty that DD won't get the 19 months home with me that E did...I'll be going back to work between 8-12 weeks because we just can't afford for me not to (we're leaving E in daycare, and my mom will be watching DD at least for a while after I go back to work).
I feel guilty that a lot of nights I don't feel like having the nightly dinner fight, so he eats a lot more of the kid food that I swore I'd never give him, and that I let him play on the iPad pretty much every night when we get home so I can make dinner. On that note, I feel guilty that a lot of nights I don't feel like having the nightly dinner fight, so he eats a lot more of the kid food that I swore I'd never give him.
So...basically all of the time I'm feeling guilty about something. I've just accepted that I'm never going to feel like a great mom, and there'll always be something I think I should be able to be doing better. Evan is happy, pretty well-behaved, smart, and *thriving*. I'm sure DD will, too, so in the end, I just try to remind myself it doesn't matter how I feel about how I'm doing (especially during a particulary low moment) what matters is the big picture--that my child is healthy, happy, and well-adjusted, and still thinks I'm the bees knees despite my flaws.
-
@Foodnerd81: Oh, I'm happy when I remember to take my prenatal, and I couldn't manage without caffeine. I don't even feel guilty about that
-
Of course. I get it the worst in the mornings when I have to leave for work and DD clings and cries for me or chases me to the door. It's heartbreaking!! Of course it doesn't happen everyday and some days she'll yell BYE as she's playing so I don't feel bad on those days.
-
@lovehoneybee: I don't feel guilty about my current caffeine level (1.5 cups of coffee in the morning usually). But first trimester, when poor baby was doing the most developing... I am sure I was over the limit. Oh, and I took so much Tylenol for my headaches, way more than I ever did with C. She is so smart, and if this baby isn't as smart I'm afraid I will always blame myself.
I *think* this is mostly hormones talking though. Right??
-
So much guilt. About so many things - working full time, sending him to daycare 10 hours a day, not eating dinner as a family because I don't get home early enough to make dinner, traveling fairly often for work, somehow I feel guilty about DS being a picky eater and eating mostly fruit, and for letting him have the occasional treat (like ice cream), for forgetting to give him his vitamins sometimes, I could go on and on...
-
I'm drinking coffee and looking at HB while Daniel Tiger plays on tv so yeah, of course I have mom guilt.
Also we tried to do cry it out last night because sleep is out of control right now. It did not go well and there was way more crying than I'm comfortable with. I feel really bad about that. Other than that it's mostly regular twin mom guilt: do I pay attention to them equally? Did I nurse both of them the same amount yesterday? Is it fair that I woke Blake up early this morning so his naps would line up with Alice's so I can get a little break? Is it fair that I always wear Blake when we are out and Alice gets to sit in the cart? Do I make him wait and be patient more often than I make her be patient because she screams louder? Do I place too much emphasis on how cute they are instead of how smart/kind/funny they are? Do I ask more of Alice because she listens to me better and let Blake get away with more? Am I damaging them for life because they stay home with me and don't get to interact with other kids at daycare? Will they be so attached to each other that they never make other friends or find someone to marry because they only want to hang out with each other? You know, stuff like that.
My dog mom guilt is through the roof. My poor dog gets so much less attention these days!
-
I love my son and think he's adorable, but I get bored of playing with him after awhile. Toddlers are tedious. That makes me feel guilty.
I work full time but manage to spend a decent amount of time with him, plus he spends two afternoons per week with his grandparents who adore him. So I don't feel too bad about working.
-
Sometimes I feel guilty for not feelings guilt. Which is totally contradictory, but whatever. Like right now, I'm on a two week break between semesters. But I can't just pull the kids out of daycare every time I have a week or two break between semesters, there's policies about how many days the kids can miss without a doctor's note or something. So they're in daycare and I'm relaxing at home all by myself. And it's been AMAZING having that time to myself. But I feel like I should feel guilt, if that makes sense. Like I know other moms would probably judge me for enjoying this time instead of just guilt tripping myself about not having my kids with me 24/7 whenever possible.
Although it helps that I did pull my toddler out one day to have some one-on-one fun time with me, and when we got to daycare to pick up his brother he had an absolute fit when he realized that the other kids had been at daycare playing without him. Apparently he would have rather done that than our zoo and splash pad outing. So yeah, no guilt here.
-
No, I do not really feel mom guilt anymore.
I felt hugely guilty after my maternity leave and I went back to work (in fact, I think I wrote one of my very first hellobee board posts about it). But as time went on, the guilt slowly went away.
These days, instead of guilt, I think:
- I am a better mom because I WOH
- LO loves her daycare and thrives there
- LO gets quality time with both me and DH in the mornings and evenings every day, and we eat dinner together every night
- LO gets a ton of time with us every weekend
- Because we get less time with LO, we are able to really enjoy the time more, and we don't really have to resort to entertaining her with TV or screens very oftenI am newly pregnant so I know I will probably feel guilt again once the new baby is here and LO gets less one on one time with me. But I'll deal with that in the future!
-
Not, not really. I think moms get a lot of pressure to feel guilty, like that feeling constantly guilty means you’re a good mom, or that you *should* feel guilty as part of being a mom. I don’t buy into that.
I don’t really have solid tips on how/why I don’t feel guilty, but I just don’t. I think my LO benefits greatly from going to daycare because she is constantly surprising us with stuff she’s learned there, stuff we wouldn’t have even thought to talk about or teach her about if we were home with her. Working also allows me to directly provide LO a better quality of life, and a less stressed home to grow up, and a less stressed marriage between myself and DH. Sure I miss her some days, and some days I wish I could spend more time with her. But, it is what it is and I think the benefits so greatly outweigh the random “off” day. So, I have no guilt about working.
Sometimes LO eats crap. Often she doesn’t. So, I don’t feel guilty about her eating.
LO sleeps well when she sleeps – but getting there is a huge battle. But, it’s not like I feel something to feel guilty about there – some things are hard, but that doesn’t mean they require guilt.
I dunno – it certainly isn’t like I think I’m a perfect parent or something or that LO is terrifically easy. We have our struggles and I don’t always respond to her how I know I should, etc. but meh – not worth really feeling guilty over. Move forward, focus on the positive. I’m raising a happy, healthy, well adjusted daughter and enjoying life.
Moms need to cut themselves more slack! Unless you're a truly shit parent (and no one on here, worrying about if they are doing things right is a shit parent!), I don't think most moms should have much to feel guilty over.
-
Working full-time and daycare, brings me to tears nearly weekly even now that he is one.
-
Two things.
1. I wish I was better at making healthier and more variety in our meals. I'm not terrible, but I could definitely do better. Fresh 20 has helped with it a lot but we haven't done that in a while now.
2. I wish I had an easier time just getting down on the floor and playing or doing crafts and stuff with L. I'm not great about that and it definitely weighs on me. I know I'm a good mom in other areas, but I'm probably not the most fun mom.
-
The WOH thing is not so much guilt but that I genuinely miss her! I don't feel guilt b/c my mom takes care of her and I love that they get to bond. DH has her for 1 day and I love that they get to bond. And she is a very active/curious baby; so when she does go to daycare, I know she'll love it.
But of course mom guilt hits every now and then with various things!
-
Not really but because I don't do things that would make me feel guilty. For example, I work full time so the only time I have with them is the evenings and weekend. I no longer do things for myself (like monthly pedicures) because that takes time away from them and then I would feel guilty. Sure I miss a lot of that but it's not super important to me right now. My priorities just shifted I guess.
I feel zero guilt about them watching TV, going to daycare, or their eating habits.
-
Yes, mainly due to working full-time. Because of this, I feel guilty for taking time for myself away from DS. DH "forced" me to go to a yoga class last night and he put the LO to bed. The class was great and exactly what I needed. I know I need to do this more often.
-
@twodoghouse: I have more dog mom guilt too. They have plummeted in the hierarchy at my house.
-
@twodoghouse: uh, yeah I have horrible doggy mom guilt
-
Not really. Like @yoursilverlining: said, I think there is a lot of pressure to feel guilt I don't really buy into it. I do the best I can, with the time and resources I have.
Now doggy mom guilt, wife guilt and employee guilt? I do have those. I haven't been doing the best that I can (or even really trying to the best I can recently) in those areas.
-
@yoursilverlining: I totally agree with you! I don't really buy into the pressure to feel mom guilt.
I'm not trying to say that I'm a perfect parent but that's life and I shouldn't feel guilty about that. I'm doing the best I can and DD is doing wonderfully so I don't see why I have anything to feel guilty about.
-
@yoursilverlining: thank you for this. I'm really struggling with feeling like LO gets too much screen time, doesn't eat well enough, worrying that I'm not spending enough time with him, etc. Most days I know I'm doing the best I can, and the days I'm not, well everyone has those days of I'm just tired or sick or just need a little break and that's okay too.
You're so right, LO is happy and thriving and knows he's loved.
-
The guilt I feel relates to discipline, and the desire to spend the time with him rather than have to discipline him.
-
@yoursilverlining: Do you ever feel guilt about the method by which you do something? Like I don't feel guilt about my son being a crap sleeper, but I feel guilt for some of the techniques I tried to get him to sleep.
-
@looch: I feel guilty about this too. The director at LO's daycare made some comments about how we needed to be consistent at home and not let him get away with stuff and I was like "I do my best but you have to realize I get 3 hours with him and I pick my battles so that I can enjoy the time I get to spend with my son." I do my best to be consistent but there are days I let stuff slide.
-
Not really. If it creeps in I try not to dwell on it. I am doing the very best I can and always actively trying to improve my weak areas in parenting. dD is happy and healthy, there's nothing more I can really do! Guilt is a wasted emotion and only detracts from happiness. I like to stay positive and upbeat. Life's too short!
-
I feel guilty when I put my 11 month old in her crib with my iPad in her view playing YouTube kid songs. I do this so I can shower knowing she is happy and safe, but it's been so ingrained in me that tv is bad that I feel guilt. Not sure what a good alternative would be though!!
-
I often feel like I don't get anything done. I worry people think I'm a lazy housewife, but even just vacuuming the house and visiting the grocery store with a 11.5 old while 20 weeks pregnant is almost all I can manage.
-
1) she could be eating better/healthier food more often
2) she probably watches more TV than she should -
@looch: I don't because I know that what I am doing is for her own good and benefit.
For example, if she is crying because we're trying to teach her to sleep / soothe herself, I don't feel guilty because I know that she is fed and she is dry so there's really nothing wrong. And ultimately she will benefit by being a good sleeper and being able to soothe herself. So I don't feel guilty for helping her achieve that.
-
@twodoghouse: I have a lot of dog mom guilt, too. We've started sending pup to a dog daycare a few times a month, and it has helped TREMENDOUSLY. Best idea ever, for all involved.
-
Oh man, everything I do causes guilt.
-
Yep, especially if I leave work and don't go immediately to pick them up or if I have a day off and take them to daycare anyway (usually so I can do chores/errands). I am sometimes jealous how DH has no qualms about doing this but I feel super guilty!
-
@wonderstruck: +1! Yup! I'm a full time student/part time working mom too, and I'll have some odd days off here and there throughout the semester, or even spring break last year, and I wasn't going to pull J from his routine because I was home. I do try to use the extra time for homework or stuff around the house, but admittedly I definitely take some time to myself too and it is amazing. At first I felt guilty about it but I shut that down quick. Partly because I am so stressed out in school, and having these little break days here or there is essential to my sanity. Partly because my son is still happy and safe right where he is!
I used to feel guilt more often over things but I decided it wasn't worth it. There will always be something to feel crappy about and I don't want to waste my life feeling like I'm a bad mom. I need to have more confidence and assurance in who I am and the choices I make.
-
I have all the guilt about all things. There is nothing I e ever done that I didn't do too much AND too little about. Lol
-
@looch: I only do when I lose my temper and yell, or say (mean) things I don’t really mean in the heat of the moment. But, it’s not “mom-guilt”, it’s just basic guilt lol
I think (know?) LO would be a better sleeper now had we sleep-trained her when she was a baby; but I don’t feel guilty about not sleep-training, because I made the decision I made with the best information and intentions at that time. Hindsight is always 20-20, which I also think helps temper guilt.
@Applesandbananas: Glad it helped. Everyone needs a break, and to cut themselves some slack. Especially moms who are putting in 100%!
-
I don't really do mom guilt. I think moms put way too much pressure on themselves.
Subscribe to our newsletter
- Google Plus
- Stumbleupon
- Twitter
- Facebook
- Pinterest
- Favorite0
41 comments