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An acquaintance of mine just went the anonymous sperm donor route (through an agency) She was in her early 30's hadnt been in a serious relationship in over 5 years and decided she wanted to be a mother no matter what. It took 2 attempts and she just had her baby girl in May. So far she's doing well, she has a good support system in that her mom and sister's family lives near by and her mom watches the baby now that she's back at work.

In my experience, I think the anonymous donor is a far better option than being connected to an ex or a friend for the rest of the child's life. You never know how the other "parent" will feel or the action they or their families may take once the child is born.

One of my work BFFs is single and looking into future options of motherhood. I 100% support her decision and am dying for her to be a mom. She's a great person and would make an AMAZING mother, better than a lot of "not" single moms I know.

While I agree that your friend's approach to pregnancy is not the smartest, I don't think that her true love for children is negated from not spending time with kids in her life now.

Anyway, my friend is in a completely different boat and really would make a great mom, single parent or not. She is financially capable, has a huge support network, and is truly a remarkable caretaker in general. So I support her. She also is looking into different avenues: adoption, sperm donor (blind), etc.

@mediagirl: I get what you're saying re: her having no interests in playing with kids yet wanting a kid. It's like this sunshine and rainbow dream of being a mom but wanting no part of the reality of it before signing up for it.

@Chillybear: does a sperm donor lose all his rights to pursue parenthood in the future?

@runsyellowlites: I have to agree it's a bit selfish and not in the best interest of the child.

@locavore_mama: I'm not sure, but i believe that once he donates he gives up the right to know who has used his donation. Or it may be that both parties must consent to the transfer of identity between mother and father, child and father. I know that when she was choosing her donor there was no identifying information (name, picture, address, or field of employment) but there was health information and general features (eye color, hair color, ethnicity, etc)

@mediagirl: maybe bc there are all these chick flicks out recently where someone hooked up with a friend to conceive???

I agree with others that #3 would be best with an anonymous donor. Just a thought, but she should watch "Always a Bridesmaid" and "First Comes Love" by Nina Davenport. It offers an interesting perspective on this as the filmmaker reached 40 and single. First Comes Love shows the close friend donor route and how her friends became a supportive family to her as her elderly father wasn't. What's amazing about "Always a Bridesmaid" is that her SIL predicts that she can be a mother without a partner or have that option. Pretty interesting.

I don't like other people's kid. I mean, I like them, I just don't know how to deal with them.

But I love my DS and I wanted to be a mom very much.

But, I think the anonymous donor would be the best option, rather than tricking her bf into having a baby with her.

I also have some friends that went the sperm donor route. They are great moms and have tons of support from their families.

I think it's totally wrong to "trick" someone by not taking BC. I also have a friend that did this thinking it would "keep" her bf, but it didnt.

I don't pass judgement on the baby with a friend option. Personally I think it's harder when you have to deal with another person about custody, parenting, etc when you aren't in a relationship...but no judgement.

I think the anonymous donor would be the easier path, but perhaps the best friend option would be more beneficial to the child? I only say that because he/she would have knowledge of (perhaps a relationship with) his/her father. Maybe not though. It would likely be very complicated.

In regards to runsyellowlites' comments about being fair to a future partner - I would be very hesitant to base my decision about how a possible future partner may or may not feel about my decision.

A friend badly wanted a child and told her boyfriend at the time that she wanted to try and wasn't taking birth control. They made the decision to try. They now have a baby and are engaged. Different, I know, but she probably would have been in a similar situation if her boyfriend wasn't on board. (But not with the whole getting back with an ex part).

I don't know anyone in this situation. My girlfriends are smart and responsible women though, and if one of them were to make this decision, I know it would be right for them.

I think it is very dangerous to go down the route of being a single parent isn't in the best interest of a child. So many things can happen, such as sudden death, illness,abuse, etc.

I know done wonderful people who were raised by single patents and some assholes that came from 2 parent families.

I do!! An old work colleague of mine was in her late 30s and was desperate to be a mum. She was looking into the sperm donor route when she started seeing a guy (also from work). She told him in no uncertain terms that she wanted a baby RIGHT NOW and he could either agree or she would continue to purse AI. He accepted and they agreed that whatever happened between them they would stay friends and be awesome parents. They broke up while she was pregnant but they both adore their daughter, who is happy and well adjusted.

I know a few women single by choice and they are all over 40. One had an oops pregnancy with an on again, off again boyfriend, one went the sperm donor route, and one adopted. They all have successful careers and were financially stable and also had support from family & friends.

If she's serious about the friend, they could have some kind of agreement drawn up.

Just because she doesn't want to hang out with your kids, doesn't mean, "She obviously doesn't have a true love for children." Also, just because you think you know "how hard it is to be a parent" as a not-single parent, maybe it won't be that difficult for her, even if she's parenting solo.

@Rainbow Sprinkles: that doesn't sound like the same thing as intentionally being a single parent. An intentional single parent doesn't have a partner nor have to rely on someone else for income. Your friend sounds like she happened to be in a relationship that soured.

@lioneyes: I agree. I don't mind being around children, but I am definitely not clamoring to spend time with any as practice or fulfill my maternal instincts. The two single mom examples I gave were of women who earn high incomes and had the support of family to help with logistics. One of them actually has an au pair.

You should remind your friend that there are like 10 more possibilities: one night stand, marrying & not being able to conceive, accidentally getting preggers with the ex or a new man before they're ready, etc. Ha.

I know a few amazing single mamas. My best friend fell in love, got pregnant, then found out the guy had ANOTHER FAMILY!! She chose to take the high road (and avoid drama during her pregnancy) by raising him on her own without child support. It worked for her ... She's now married with another on the way. So, it's possible.

Fingers crossed that your friend will meet someone amazing, and they'll plan their new path together!!

I have to add something... There is a lot more to parenting than just being financially or emotionally stable as a single mom and I really don't think there is anything around the fact that I can only provide for my children from the heart/perspective/thought process of a mother & could never give them the attributes brought to the table by a father.

Yea, it's not always in the best interest of the child to keep the father in the picture, ie. G's dad was an abusive alcoholic, but that doesn't negate the needs that a child has that I, in myself, could not & cannot provide.

Considering the overall community of HB are not single parent homes (a poll a few months back showed out of 101 votes only 3 have experienced it) I think their may be a lacking of proper perspective that comes in being a single parent household with a school aged child (something now generally talked about).

and FWIW, I did *choose* to be a single parent b/c I chose to not stay with my child's father. Even though I did it & my son was well adjusted in the process (not going to give the details of struggles he himself has had) I would never see it as a smart decision if could be avoided.