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@mrbee: oh, oops! i don't know why i assumed it was you!
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@Mrs. Cowgirl: If you also include specifics with it do you think saying 'good boy' is bad? My son is so active, I like to let him know when his behavior was more acceptable - like on Sunday after I took him to the Children's museum, I was getting him into his pajamas and was like "You were such a good boy today. You shared the cars at the museum and waited your turn and did what Mama said." I'm thinking that as long as I also include specifics it should be allright? I don't know... there are so many ways to mess up this parenting gig, I feel like I should just start saving for therapy bills right now
I do want to avoid the "You're so smart!" thing - my husband is a prime example of that study. He's been told he's smart his whole life and I think has had a harder time learning work ethic professionally b.c he's always just been so smart in school that he didn't have to put in the effort as much.
My SIL and sister and I are hilarious around my 4 year old niece... when anyone tells her she is pretty, someone else chimes in with another compliment about her smarts or hard work. It's like all three of us are bent on making sure she knows that pretty isn't everything.
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My mother-in-law has recently taken to calling my almost one year old baby girl "Perfect Child," and it sends me reeling every single time. My relationship with my mother in law is tumultuous to say the least, but my husband and I have decided that it's absolutely not a nickname or an expectation that we want her growing up hearing. We have decided to address it next time it comes up, because it's worth fighting for, but here's hoping it doesn't come up on her first birthday.
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Sometimes I do... I think it's something that comes naturally. I also do the whole "you're so smart!" thing because I'm so proud when he does things I didn't realize he could do.
Are you going to write a post now about things to say instead and how to praise effectively?
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@AprilK: honestly, it's probably all semantics, but the current books say not to qualify behavior as good or bad, even if you are explaining it with specifics. they suggest naming specific behavior -- so, for example, just taking out the first part of your example and saying, "you shared the cars at the museum today! you waited your turn and did what mama said. you were really patient and you obeyed!"
i'll share more in an upcoming post!
but like i said, though i fully support the idea behind this, i'm sure in 20 years, they'll be telling us something else!
i'm cracking up about your niece!
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@LittleGBee: oh my gosh. that's nuts! good luck!
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@Mrs. Pen: i'll get started on a post!!
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I don't for the reasons you stated. It just come more naturally to me to compliment his behavior since that's what I'm trying to reinforce.
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