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Does anyone else feel disappointed with their Mother's Day?

  1. LulaBee

    pear / 1837 posts

    I was a little disappointed. All I wanted to do was take a nap, and my 3 year old didn't nap/husband couldn't watch 5 month old because we were moving some stuff, so I didn't get to nap. But he and 3 year old got me a gorgeous fiddle leaf fig which was super thoughtful.

    Honestly, as a loss mom, Mother's Day is always hard. And no one said my son's name yesterday, not even my husband. That was disappointing.

  2. Eko

    nectarine / 2148 posts

    @Anagram: I think part yes and part no. I think a lot of it depends on how you grew up celebrating the day. We did a breakfast in bed, got mom a card, and we would do a family dinner. As we got older we did gifts. My parents are divorced so there wasn't much of my dad doing something on our behalf. Plus we tried to be good. I think how we celebrated Mother's Day is not extravagant and is kinda normal,

    I think if things like cards and such were expected ahead of Mother's Day then whatever is posted on social media won't change your expectations as you had them set before anything was being posted. I think it can make you feel more disappointed, but the expectation is still there.

    I think as moms we deserve a day to feel special. Whether that is spending a day with your kids doing something fun and/or getting cards and having some time to yourself. It's a day we should be appreciated.

  3. wrkbrk

    pomelo / 5084 posts

    @LulaBee:

    Also, what is a fiddle leaf fig?? That sounds pretty.

  4. brownepiano

    persimmon / 1467 posts

    @anagram: I think social media + all the stores trying to make a big deal out of holidays to make money really make it hard for me. I used to have the desire for the picture perfect day and when DH tried I'd still wind up not feeling like I felt I should. It's made me a little jaded about special days but it's also helped me realize that I don't always want what social media tells me I should want. (Like right now all I ever want is time away from my kid!)

    For mother's day DH actually took me out on Friday to the restaurant of my choice and our kid wasn't a wreck. Mother's day he didn't make me breakfast in bed (though he did make me breakfast... Just exactly what I usually make myself), I didn't get to sleep in, I didn't get cards or flowers. But I was pretty happy to have a dinner at the in-laws I didn't have to cook and that my kid liked. It wasn't a super happy perfect day but I'm beginning to realize that this are few and far between. I'd rather be able to learn to appreciate the little things. And I think I like doing things before the day because it takes some of the pressure off both of us.

  5. SweetiePie

    honeydew / 7463 posts

    Last year I was pretty disappointed and it still kinda stings to this day. It was my first Mother's Day and I honestly didn't expect anything elaborate because that's just NOT my husband. But I got zero acknowledgement. Not even a "Happy Mother's Day". I really wanted a card that I could keep as a memento of my first Mother's Day.

    But I did learn from that that I do need to be very clear with my husband. He's great at many things but planning isn't one of them. He never really buys me gifts, just tells me to pick out something I like. Which, is nice But it really just takes the guilt out of my normal shopping

    This year I was proactive and made my own plans. I figured if he wasn't doing anything for the DAY then I would make it my whole weekend 😄
    Friday night I lined up a sitter so we could go on a long overdue date night and we got margaritas afterwards. We had a lot of fun! And he said some really heartfelt words about me as a mom and wife which is hard for him to do. He's not mushy! Oh and he came home with flowers which I was SO not expecting. I had said all I wanted was a card, which I didn't get, but the flowers were such a happy surprise.
    Saturday I slept in and tried my hardest to do no housework besides essentials. And I told DH a couple of weeks ago I wanted to visit the Bronx Zoo finally. We had SUCH a nice time! Once we got home I took a nap while DS sorta napped and DH took over monitor duty. We ordered my favorite pizza and salad and had dinner as a family. Then DH did all of the bedtime stuff, even cleaning up dinner. Which is huge! Wine and TV rounded out the night.
    Sunday I volunteered at the church kids ministry, something I'd been meaning to do for a while and it finally felt like the perfect day for it. I left DS at home with DH since he was extra cranky. Decided on a whim after church that I'd have Mother's Day brunch solo. Which was lovely!
    By the time I got home DS was awake and we went to a park we'd never been to before and had a blast watching DS explore. Got ice cream after.
    I had a 5:45pm massage and of course DH did dinner, bath and bed while I was gone. And I was very clear that I hoped I could come home and relax after the massage, there's not much relaxing about coming home and having to clean up toys and the kitchen. And it's not really a "day off" if it's waiting for me the next day! I couldn't believe it but he did the toys AND kitchen - fully! Wiped counters, hand washed dishes that needed it, loaded the dishwasher and ran it. This may seem trivial but it's HUGE in my house. And he did it with a smile.
    I capped off the evening with a deep, hot bath, deep conditioning hair treatment, a face mask and a glass of wine while bingeing on some Jack Bauer.

    Super long post but I wanted to get the point across that I took charge of the weekend and it turned out to be what I wanted. Perfect blend of couple, family and alone time. Last year I stomped around and got livid inside. This year I just promised myself I'd make it what I wanted it to be. And I was vocal about that. I just can't expect him to make the plans, but he's great at following them if I make them.

    Oh, and I made sure that I said thank you over and over. When he cleaned the kitchen, took over night time routine, the flowers - all of it - I just kept saying thank you for letting me celebrate how I want to celebrate. I didn't want him to feel bitter or think I didn't appreciate it.

    I plan on asking him exactly what he wants his Father's Day weekend to be and honoring it to a T.

    And yeah, MD is about appreciating being a mom. I had a struggle to become a mom too. But I don't feel bad that I want a weekend to be pampered. Not one bit.

  6. LulaBee

    pear / 1837 posts

    @wrkbrk: looks like this! (this is an image from google)



  7. SweetiePie

    honeydew / 7463 posts

    @LulaBee: that's so pretty!

  8. smocks

    apricot / 483 posts

    Mine was pretty good

    Expectations are everything. And I think it takes a few holidays with someone to really iron out your expectations. My DH works a ton of unpredictable shift work, so we're rarely even with each other on holidays. Yesterday, he worked 11am-9pm. We originally were thinking of going to go out for breakfast until we remembered it was Mother's Day and it was probably going to be horrible trying to get a quick bite. So I made breakfast. He woke up after I did, and the first thing out of his mouth was "Happy Mother's Day, hun" - perfect with me. Acknowledgement for the day and that he appreciates all I do. No card/flowers. I like cards, but I've learned to let it go with him. And neither of us are gift people - I buy myself something I want if I want it, and tell him "thanks for the __" It works for us.

    I did get a few texts/calls from friends & family. That was really nice. And then I got a nice hard 2 hour workout in when the kids were at the gym daycare, made nachos for dinner, and had wine and watched GoT when he got home. A happy Sunday in my book.

  9. Miss Ariel

    nectarine / 2210 posts

    Reading everyone else responses has definitely helped me put things a bit more in perspective. No he didn't buy me the gift I specifically asked for, but he's planning on buying it this week since he felt guilty/got tired of hearing me complain.

    But he dos cook breakfast, which he normally does on weekends. He did let me take an hour nap. He cleaned his car while dd napped which meant I was able to catch up on real housewives.

    We did have a bit of an argument which I started my own thread about. And since loosing my mom I'm overally sensitive on Mother's Day.

    But looking back I probably should have been a bit more appriciative of what he did so.

  10. wrkbrk

    pomelo / 5084 posts

    @LulaBee: Ooo I like.

  11. psw27

    pomelo / 5220 posts

    I kept my expectations low because of some stuff my DH has been going through health wise. We had a normal Sunday pretty much. He did grab some flowers and a card mid-day but rather than let that irritate me I just showed appreciation. I think that all of these events get blown up so much by social media - I had a few moments of "oh geez, look at her giant flowers/ipad/spa day" but in the end, if I had wanted that I should told DH. But I didn't actually want any of that, so why feel bad about it?

  12. Mrs. Carrot

    blogger / nectarine / 2043 posts

    Mine sucked, but I expected it to. My husband is great at a lot of things, but understanding me is not one of them, no matter how much clarity I give him. He got me a small gift, which was cute, but it was a gift for gifting sake, not something that involved thought. He did make brunch reservations but I vetoed them because going out with a kid is not really all that fun or relaxing or celebratory. And I've told him a million times I don't want gifts. My love language is Acts of Service, so I would have liked to see something that involved effort (and I've told him that too), but he still slept late while I got up with the kid, I still did all the cooking for the day, etc. And no one except my mom even wished me a happy mothers day. I've always hated this holiday (and Father's Day too), and I hate it even more as a parent.

  13. Ellie

    cherry / 157 posts

    The only part that sucked about my day was having to bow to the wishes and expectations of my MIL. I get it, she's a mom too, but she's had 37 Mothers Days and I've only had 2 - we did what she wanted the last two years and I was hoping to spend the day how I wanted. Instead we had her over, which meant I had to clean and cook and entertain her. I also had to get her a card and gift and such. She for some reason doesn't really acknowledge that it's a day for me too. There were sweet moments with my kids and husband after the loooong visit with my MIL, so those made up for it.

  14. DisneyBee

    apricot / 340 posts

    @Ellie: I totally understand what you went through. My MIL is the same way. We always have to trek an hour to her house, and it's all about her. She always expects a gift (which is usually cash), and sometimes, I see a grimace if it's not how much she wanted. Then, she'll realize that I'm also a mom, and then just wish me a Happy Mother's Day and then says "sorry, I didn't get your anything." It hurts, but I also understand that she's getting older, too.

    All in all, I did get to spend yesterday with just my boys (DH and DS1 and DS2) at a flower field and then shopping at the outlets afterwards. It's funny since my boys all got some clothes, but I didn't find anything for myself. I ended up ordering something off Etsy to hang in our liviing room instead.

  15. Anagram

    eggplant / 11716 posts

    @Miss Ariel: yeah, actually reading this thread had made me super grateful for my DH. He let me sleep in both Saturday and Sunday--but that's just because he's awesome, not necessarily for Mother's Day. And he made the girls' breakfast on those days. I really do super appreciate him 98% of the time, haha.

  16. rachiecakes

    coconut / 8279 posts

    @Ellie: @DisneyBee: we've got two of those! and they're 3.5 hours apart from each other. So it's one or the other. And since I'm also a mom now, we (DH, LO & I) just do our own thing.
    But neither mother will acknowledge that it's my holiday, too, at least not without someone else saying it first... ugh

  17. Mrs. Sketchbook

    GOLD / nectarine / 2884 posts

    @Anagram: For me, it is a combination of social media and family history. I will admit, the posts that bring out my green eyed monster are jewelry posts. I used to be so anti jewelry. But recently I've been trying to cut back on stuff and jewelry is so compact and pretty...it is one thing I don't feel bad about piling up around the house. Both my mother and my grandmother have a nice collection of jewelry. I used to idolize my grandfather and when he died I remember my grandmother wearing her wedding ring (usual) and on top his Mason's ring and something about that changed my mind on jewelry. So for a while jewelry posts would make me jealous. Then later I learned some shitty stuff about my grandfather that changed my perspective on him. And looking back my mother always complained about the jewelry, even the diamonds because they weren't just "right.". I sort of realized that jewelry was just another thing and, taken as a whole I'd much rather have my non-jewelry buying sweet hubby than the marriages the other women in my family have. Nowadays I buy myself jewelry when I get a gift card or something. And I always like it!

  18. Miss Ariel

    nectarine / 2210 posts

    So I got in my car to leave work, and do had stopped by and left my present in the car. It included a note "from dd" that said she was sorry she didn't give it to me earlier but she asked daddy and tried to drive the car herself but couldn't reach the pedals, so I guess all is forgiven...

  19. regberadaisy

    GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts

    @Anagram: so, I've talked about it before. I grew up in a immigrant family. There was no such things as celebrating birthday, Christmas, mothers/Father's Day etc. sure my husband appreciates me the other 364 days of the year. But it's nice to have a designated day where hey let's celebrate mom or dad!

    There were no gifts from DH or cards. Last year he made me a card with DD which was super sweet. This year he didn't. I wasn't disappointed because gifts aren't his love language. Actions are. He asked a lot about what I wanted to do and he delivered.

    I'll admit I was guilty of posting things on FB. Not to gloat or anything. But because HE deserved recognition for being so awesome!

    I do a lot for him for Fathers Day too because he's a freaking amazing dad and deserve to be recognized! But he wants to place more emphasis on his dad. So he gets to spend Father's Day how he likes which is celebrating his dad. And I do the job of celebrating him as a dad.

  20. Anagram

    eggplant / 11716 posts

    @looch: yeah, mine wasn't so much FB on the day of, I guess--but I'm in multiple Mom groups online other than HB, and here on HB plus those other groups, and my FB groups, there were multiple threads before Mother's Day about everyone's plans for Mother's Day, and then on Mother's day there were a ton of posts about what everyone did/got to celebrate, and now this thread to kind of dissect the day, haha. I mean, I'm obviously participating--maybe I just need to be off the computer more.

    I think for me, it's just another piece in the puzzle of my internal struggle against consumerism. I'm really prone to wanting all the things, but since having kids have really found a lot of reasons to tone it down. But it's an ongoing battle for sure.

  21. schubr03

    apricot / 486 posts

    @Eko: I Had plans to make a big deal about it. Gift, sentimental item from DD and the whole day about him. I guess we just have different views of the day.

  22. schubr03

    apricot / 486 posts

    @junebugsmama: agreed! This is exactly how I feel!

  23. Mae

    papaya / 10343 posts

    I had a good day but I also am at a point in my relationship where I'd rather just tell him exactly what I want. I said "I'm going to a spa with my mom for mothers day and I'm going to spend a lot of money so you don't have to buy me anything. But we're not doing it ON mother's day so you still have to be really nice to me and make some sort of plan for something for us to do." He made plans with some friends of ours to take our kids to a play area together then go to brunch. Done and done.

  24. Mrs. Sunshine

    hostess / cantaloupe / 6486 posts

    Iv been disappointed the last 2 years. I don't care about flowers but I do expect a card or a note. My DH knows that. I didn't get one. Last year I got not a thing. Not happy mothers day, not a card, he didn't lift a finger all day and he took a effing nap while I was with the kids. Which I adore my kids but that was not the day for that. This year he got up with the girls for the first time ever and he encouraged me to get a purse I wanted while we were out together celebrating his bonus the night before but that was it. No extra effort to give me "rest" or a "break" or to make the day extra special. He sat around watching deadliest catch all afternoon. It makes me so mad. I would never ever do that to him. And he just says that "nothing is ever good enough" instead of acknowledging my feels and apologizing/trying harder. It hurts me and it makes my blood boil. It's a really hard feeling to get over.

    ETA: Clearly my love language is acts of service and he dosent seem to get it. I just want to be treated nicely.

  25. gingerbebe

    cantaloupe / 6131 posts

    @Mrs. Sunshine: Punch him in the throat?

    No, I kid. I kid.

    38 weeks 1 day pregnant, I's a grouch.

  26. Mrs. Sunshine

    hostess / cantaloupe / 6486 posts

    @gingerbebe: haha I do often get so ragey that I feel physically violent. I can't tell you how many times I've had to hold myself back from kick or punching him. Either I'm very angry or he's very thoughtless. Probably a little of both lol

  27. JenGirl

    clementine / 756 posts

    @Mrs. Sketchbook: I think this is a wonderfully specific plan but still leaves enough leeway to feel like you're not doing the whole thing yourself!

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