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My parents live five hours away. They came up the day c was born- not before, I did not want anyone sitting around waiting for me to have a baby! They stayed at our apt overnight while we were at the hospital, then went home. Mom came up a week or so later when Dh went back to work and stayed a week with us, which was great. It was nice having the alone time Asa family of three for a week, but I wonder if I had had complications during birth if we would have needed more help.

I was staying with my in-laws at the time and while it was often a pain in the butt, it was an IMMENSE help/relief! Once the high of labor wears off, I was just so tired! It's nice to be able to nap and know that my baby was being held and looked after. Other positives are the help with housework and cooking.

Boundaries definitely need to be set, though!

We had my parents come for two weeks and for the most part it was so incredibly helpful. We really missed them when they were gone.

*But* for one thing they were super helpful and I didn't have to entertain them. My dad took care of the dog so we didn't have to worry about her, and my mom cooked for us and did all the dishes, including bottles. Also, I had an induction turned c-section, so they arrived the day I went to the hospital, no waiting around, and we were in the hospital for several days. I loved our hospital, it was very relaxing and peaceful and we got that family time, just the 3 of us, with some visitors for an hour or 2 a day.

The negatives were that it was hard to breastfeed with other people around. I kept having to mess with the cover and my dad was sitting on my couch non-stop, which is where I wanted to be. We also have a small-ish house, with only 1.5 bathrooms. So having 4 adults share the 1 full bathroom was a hassle.

I feel you!!! This has been a source of anxiety for me. I feel the exact same way as you. I want a week with just my husband and LO. I want us to figure out how to be parents alone. I don't want anyone telling me how to do things or making suggestions or to have to hide away if I'm feeling super emotional or super sore or if I want to have my boobs out to feed while I"m trying to figure out breastfeeding and not wanting to deal with a nursing cover.

My parents only live 2 hrs away so this was not a *huge* deal although I know my mom doesn't quite agree. I told her I would love for her to come down once I am in labor and be with me at the hospital, stay at our house while we're in the hospital to care for our pets, and maybe stay our first night home (depending on when we get released, if it is late) to help us settle in-- but then I want them out. She said that she thinks I may want more help than I think that I will, and she is prepared to stay longer if I want her, but if I want her to go home then she will do so.

My inlaws are a bigger problem because they live too far (IMO) to come just for the hospital and go home. My FIL I simply told we were not having visitors at all for the first week because I don't want anyone in the room while I'm giving birth and I don't want people pacing the hallways waiting for me to give birth and I don't want any house guests the first week. He was very clearly not pleased, but he is respecting our wishes.

My MIL is the biggest issue. She has made a couple comments now about how she plans to be here for the birth and when we get home. Which I'm not even quite sure how she would accomplish that because she lives a plane ride away, and money is an issue so catching a flight on like an hour's notice seems sort of not possible to me? My husband says he will talk to her and explain that we don't want house guests the first week and it doesn't make sense for her to try to rush to fly here the day our LO is born just to turn around and fly home the next day when we get released, but he hasn't' done it yet. And it is giving me anxiety. But he says he will… so…. hopefully it goes over okay

My mom did pretty much the same thing. She flew up a few days before he was born (she was a former childbirth coach and I wanted her there) and stayed for two weeks after he was born.

It worked really well for us. D only got a couple of days of paid paternity leave before he had to go back to work, so it was very helpful for me to have her there. She was there to hold E when I wanted to take a shower and to help cook and clean.

I do understand wanting to have bonding time with just your DH and LO, though. Luckily my mom is very friendly with my ILs, who live half an hour away, so she went and stayed with them for the first weekend after we brought him home so that we could have at least a few days to adjust with just the three of us.

I think it's such a personal question, and even if someone else appreciated the help and visit, you very well may not.

All of my family and my husbands live locally so having house guests wasn't an issue for us. But, people wanted to visit all the time and sometimes I felt up to it, and other times I didn't.

Do you think your mom will be helpful?
Will she cook, clean, help with laundry?

Some of our visitors wore out their welcome. Some expected us to wait on them, which was really difficult. Some people stayed ALL DAY LONG and gosh, I just wanted to sleep.

.maybe I'd have felt differently if I wasn't recovering from a csection!

I'd tell our mom you're so excited for her to meet your baby & for her to visit but you aren't sure when you'll go into labor or if you'll be feeling up to house guests. Ask that she come after delivery (is a last minute flight an option?) and consider staying at a hotel the first night or two.

I can't say for you, but for me, I'd love the help! Well, mostly because next time around I'll have two of them though. Maybe for me it would come down to how much room you have for your mom to stay (can you get some privacy) and your relationship with your mom..

If your mom mostly wants to come to hold the baby, I say no. If she's going to cook, clean, do laundry, then yes.

Oh and the other thing you could do is have her come a little bit after the baby, maybe a couple weeks after. Six weeks old is probably going to be around the most difficult time, so maybe then?

My mom is coming out when I go into labor and staying with us for about a week. Sometimes I get a little anxious because dealing with my family for long periods of time stress me out, but my mom is an RN in L&D and a lactation consultant so I think her help is going to be much more valuable than I can imagine. She offered to get a hotel or stay with us but hasn't been super pushy which is out of character for her. We are going to have her stay with us to use her help with breastfeeding. Maybe mention to your mom she could come but stay in a hotel or something? Then you'll have alone time?

Does she cook? I would've loved to have someone making me meals! We didn't have anyone stay with us, but my parents live in the same city as us so they'd come over on the weekends. In the first couple of weeks I spent a lot of time topless because I was BFing and also wanted to do as much skin to skin as possible...I actually miss those days because of the incredible bonding experience it was. I also napped a lot while LO napped as we weren't getting much sleep at night. If you think your mom will be a help re: cooking, cleaning, laundry then I don't think it's a bad idea. But if you think she'll want to just hold the baby the entire time and/or you'll have to entertain her then I'd probably ask her to come a week or two after your LO is born.

We love overseas from our families and DH's family was fine with waiting a few months before meeting the baby, but my mom wanted to come down as soon as possible. We set the guideline that we wanted DH's paternity leave (two weeks) to be our alone time and once he went back to work, we'd be more than happy to have her come stay.

Now because we had to book flights in advance, we just booked them for two weeks after the due date and decided if the baby was late, so be it, we'd make due with a shorter family time, and if the baby was early, again, so be it, I'd make due on my own once Dh went back to work until my mom arrived.

So far, with both of our daughters, it has worked out well. DD1 arrived on her due date, and DD2 arrived eight hours past her due date.

@Claire.Peonies: Ahhhh I totally missed that you were pregnant!!! HUGE congratulations!!!

I agree with pps that it's very personal. For me, I couldn't think of anything worse than someone staying with us when we had a new baby. But I have some friends who said that help with cooking and cleaning was invaluable. If your mom will be helpful then maybe ask her to come but for a shorter period? If you think she would be more needy then honestly, it's probably something you can do without. And congrats again : )

I would ask her to not come right away - help is nice, but having an extra person there 24/7 when you already have your DH is NOT. I would phrase it to her as a favor telling her how helpful it would be if she could come when DH goes back to work - you'll definitely need and want the help then!

I actually stayed with my mom for a month. Hell yeah! I needed all the help I could get! I did have twins and my hubby is and was in no position to really help. My mom helped me with the twins AND took care of me! It was great! I want that again for this baby.

I agree that those first few weeks it's really nice to not be alone. Either home with your his and or home with your mom.

I think it depends on how helpful your mom is. My mom is a workhorse, so she'll be cooking and cleaning non-stop for us while doting on the baby, so it will be helpful for sure.

My parents live an 8 hour car ride or an hour plane ride away. I know my mom wants to be super involved, but I do not want someone sitting around the house waiting for me pop either.
I know I will only want DH with me at the hospital and probably the first few days at home. I want a little time for my milk to come in and start figuring out changing diapers and BFing before my mom is all up in my grill.

I think by day 3 at home, I will be ready for some sleep, some help with food, and some mothering - and so will DH. I'm assuming I'll spend 2 days at the hospital and 2 days at home just trying to get acclimated.

So for us, I think we'll tell mom that there's no point for her to come before my due date, given that women are so often overdue and I don't want her to just sit and wait around. Then once I'm in real, active labor we'll tell her the baby is on its way and that we'll call again when we get home since everything is crazy. Once we're discharged we'll let her know and she'll need a day or two to book a flight and get her stuff in order anyway, at which point I think she will be SUPER ready to meet her grandchild and I will be ready for a nap!

I'm so glad to see some of the responses on here! I live in Australia and my parents live in Canada - they were here from weeks 33-38 of my pregnancy which was a great help, as they are great about cleaning and cooking, and we got to have a lot of special time pre-baby together. They are coming back about 5 weeks after my due date (although, with the lack of labour signs happening, I think it will be more like 3/4 weeks post-delivery!) It was a difficult decision, they offered to come just once for an extended period pre and post delivery, or to come twice, and after much discussion they decided to give us the 3-5 weeks on our own. I am actually really glad now. As I get more uncomfortable and anxious about the birth I am glad to just have my husband around, he is really the only one who can calm me down anyway. I've gone into something of a hibernation mode as well, I don't really want to be around or talk to anyone besides my husband. But as a few PPs have said, I'm sure I will want help when the sleep deprivation and baby caring get to be a bit too much!