this is hard to ask. but i'm finding little here, and way too much on google.
DD is 5yo. she was an easy baby, and i was young when i had her. sids hardly crossed my mind. DS is 3MO and i'm paralyzed by it. i think of it at least 3 times a day.
what puts your mind at ease? did you handle your second different from your first?
pomegranate / 3565 posts
I never thought about it all. I followed the guideline of back is best and that's about it. I'm a worrier by nature so I try not to dwell on my worries. We can only control so much.
pear / 1547 posts
I'm also a super worrier. So basically I was really anal about all the recommendations (although LO never took a pacifier) - wouldn't let her sleep in the bouncer, didn't have a swing or RnP, always sleeping on her back unless it was sleeping on my chest while I was awake, nothing in the crib other than her sheet, no extra mattress in the PnP, etc etc. And then anything else I would have zero control over (didn't get a movement monitor because there is no evidence those help) so there was no use worrying. I literally would start to have a panic attack if I let my mind even remotely consider something tragic like SIDS for my LO so I would just block off the thoughts anytime they started to creep in. Somehow worked!
pomegranate / 3791 posts
Yes. My grandma lost her second child, my mom's little brother, to SIDS. I've always known, but now that I'm a mother it's just even more horrifying. My mom was just a toddler but says she'll never forget just hearing her parents scream from his room. It breaks my heart every time I think about it and the fact that there's evidence it could be genetic terrifies me. But I don't feel like there's much you can do other than the standard recommended things. I don't trust the monitors and any false alarms would be more than I could take.
pomegranate / 3521 posts
We bought the Snuza Hero - totally worth the peace of mind. It clips on to his diaper.
grapefruit / 4418 posts
I rarely worry about it. I feel like outside of the recommendations there's little you can control about it as terrifying as it is. I know some are comforted by the monitors but it seems over the top to me and the false alarms would make me more anxious than j would be otherwise.
nectarine / 2987 posts
I got help for my anxiety. And I didn't move the crib from our room to the nursery until after the peak SIDS age window. That was the best choice for our family.
grapefruit / 4355 posts
Honestly, I've never really given it a second thought. I try not to worry about things that I have zero control over.
apricot / 428 posts
@Mrs.KMM: i want to have this mentality so bad! by the end of the night, i fall asleep with this. but it kinda starts all over the next day.
nectarine / 2987 posts
@rosegold: well, I started with taking herbal drops called Rescue Remedy. I thought it was crazy nonsense, but they worked really well. The next step if they hadn't would have been a doctor. I also spent a lot of time exercising and breathing and practicing calm thoughts. And when the anxiety was really bad I told my friends and they helped minimize my alone time. Having upbeat background music and spending time outside everyday helped. They are all small things, but added up they make a difference. With my second baby I haven't had any anxiety issues yet, but everyone around me had been warned to help watch me so it doesn't get as bad as last time if it comes back.
nectarine / 2987 posts
Post partum anxiety is a form of post partum depression. SIDS is real, and scary, but your anxiety might be worth talking to someone about!
apricot / 428 posts
@MrsSRS: thank you for the advice! i have been thinking if this carries on, i need to talk about it with someone. it is mostly me at home with our baby and 5yo (who is fortunately in all day kindergarten now) but i'm starting to go from worrying to having actual anxiety over this.
eggplant / 11824 posts
@rosegold: if you feel like it's going from normal concern to unhealthy anxiety, you should call someone. If you are being a decently adult and responsible parent, there is little else you can do about SIDS, and if it's consuming your thoughts, I don't think that's healthy. I'd talk to someone about ways to cope with and manage PP anxiety. My OB was a great resource, and referred me immediately to a therapist who specialized in PPD and PPA following lo's birth.
grapefruit / 4455 posts
If this anxiety is interfering with your life I say talk to someone, can't hurt. I had PPD/PPA, and it was tough. I definitely can relate to worrying more about the second. It's been a tougher road getting here and I think I'll be that way a little when he is finally born.
papaya / 10343 posts
It did not. I'm a worrier but mostly about things I can do. I did all the "right stuff" for sids. LO slept in our room (but not our bed) until she was 6mo. She slept on her back. We kept the room cool and the fan going. She slept with a paci. I breastfed as long as I could, and we do not smoke. She never had anything in her crib (not even light blankets) until after 1 year. But I just felt like I was doing all the right stuff so she'd be fine. I was never one to watch her breathe or anything. If you're losing sleep over it you should probably talk to a counselor to help you feel better.
pomegranate / 3658 posts
SIDS was a big concern for me in that it influenced a lot of our decisions, but it has never weighed on my mind on a daily basis. The research on SIDS influenced us to:
-keep LO in our room until 4.5 months, since babies in their own room have a much higher SIDS incidence
-put LO in a Merlin sleep suit when she outgrew the swaddle, to help keep her on her back
-introduce a pacifier
-structure our leave from work so that LO wouldn't be in daycare until 7 months old, so we would know for sure that she was sleeping correctly for the entire SIDS risk window
-get a video monitor
While I haven't given SIDS any amount of worry or anxiety, I did experience a different set of symptoms that ended up getting me diagnosed with postpartum anxiety/postpartum depression. It sounds like you are experiencing enough anxiety that it would at least be helpful for you to reach out to a therapist who specializes in these issues. I have been seeing a psychiatrist for a couple months now and I feel about ten million times better than I did before. Nobody deserves to have to experience PPD/PPA untreated. It sucks, and it is often so easily treatable.
pomelo / 5093 posts
A big cause of SIDS (besides bad sleeping environment) is something called carnitine transporter deficiency, which is a very rare thing that your baby was likely screened for after birth in their newborn screen. You would have heard about it if they had come back positive for it, so if you haven't, you can know that your risk is much lower than some babies.
grapefruit / 4545 posts
I was very anxious about it and remember waking up many times a night and just making sure she was breathing. I kept her in our room until 10w - then I moved her into her crib/nursery and used a video monitor.
I almost got the angel monitor but read some concerning reports on lack of studies surrounding the ramifications of babies sleeping on something that is sending those "waves/signals" into their bodies for 12+ hours a night. So that freaked me out.
We kept her swaddled as long as we could. I remember being so relieved at 6 mos - and even more so at 1 yr!
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
With my first I did, a coworker lost her son to SIDS 2-3 weeks before DD1 was born, it was all I could think about. I became obsessive even though I followed all of the rules. Eventually my anxiety subsided knowing I was doing what I could and if it happened it wouldn't be because of anything we did. I still follow rules with DD2, but I don't have as much anxiety (although she slept in our room longer than DD1 did.)
clementine / 770 posts
I definitely worried and tried to follow all the rules and guidelines . My lo was such a bad sleeper though so I only woke up in a panic a couple of times because normally I was woken up to her calling for me. Also during the day I stayed with her or held her for naps so I wasn't worried then.
pomelo / 5607 posts
I definitely worry about it more than I'd like. I mostly don't have to really deal with it though, because she's almost always with me. She naps on me (or DH) or in the wrap, and we cosleep at night. She's always right against me with my hand on her chest, so I feel her breathe/move all night. That's not why we sleep that way, but it's a big plus. I'll be honest though, I check that she's breathing a LOT, especially if DH has her instead of me.
grapefruit / 4712 posts
I worry still. 
My god-daughter died from SIDS at 3 months old exactly. My boys are now almost 3 years old and 18 months. I know it's crazy to worry about now but it just left such an imprint on me losing my god-daughter. Plus other losses that happened around the same time.
eggplant / 11408 posts
I worried a lot, but not about SIDS. SIDS is real, and scary, but it's unexplained, and therefore by and large unpreventable.
I had PPA, though, and I worried about tons of stuff: accidentally hitting my baby's head off of a door frame, dropping her into Niagara Falls on accident, leaving her alone and forgetting about her, etc, etc. PPA is crazy and all consuming like that. I agree, if you feel like the worry is controlling you, reach out. Don't suffer alone!
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