If so, how did he learn to tame it? How do you diffuse situations before he looses his temper?
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Only in the car. I just put things in perspective for him and usually he can quickly realize how silly he's being.
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DH doesn't have a temper. I love it. Especially since I grew up around yellers and raised voices!
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Yes he does. We're still working on it, but I try and give him space to calm down and not react. I'm guilty of pushing his buttons, so my big thing is to snuff the flame, not fan it.
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DH doesn't-he's really easy going. I've been with guys with really bad tempers before and I don't handle it well at all
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Nope, he is always easy going.
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Hubs is so laid back - I've actually NEVER seen him lose his temper EVER.
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It was my list of musts. My mom had the worst temper growing up and yelled at us all the time, even when we did nothing wrong. She really hurt me and gave me about of self esteem issues because of it.
I knew I never wanted that in my family, it was something I loved about dh while we were dating. After we were married I waited and waited for him to just blow up; after 2+ years of marriage he never has. I am so so blessed.
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Not at all...I'm the one with the temper
But DH is great at keeping me in check!
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Mine does. I give him time to calm down and then I talk to him about why he is so mad and how that is an unhealthy response. I have thought about telling him to take an anger management class.
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He is so super laid back and never angry.
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@prettylizy: this, exactly. DH needs to be left alone when his temper is flaring, but I always want to talk about w hg at is wrong. Not a great combo!
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Probably obvious since I asked the question, but DH has a temper. He's so laid back most of the time, but then BOOM! He blows up over the stupidest thing. This morning he got mad & now I need to learn how to patch a textured wall, I've gotten good at smooth walls, but this was in the stairwell outside our apartment & it has different walls. He knows he needs to work on it. I avoid bringing it up because I don't want to make him upset. His family is full of violent tempers so it's no surprise that he'd learn to act that way too.
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DH doesn't have a temper. He gets pouty but not a temper.
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@bpcmarj: yep, I want to sort it out right away, he wants to calm down. It's hard to just let him be.
@mrs. bird: DH used to do this, it took a lot for him to work through controlling outbursts. My dad had a big booming temper when I was a kid so Im not phased by it like some people may be, and I think that's why we were able to work through and past it.
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@mrs. bird: DH's brothers have awful tempers too. I'm going to make sure to teach our son healthy ways to express anger. I know what you are going through! I just tell myself it's his problem and walk away.
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@bpcmarj: that's the hard part, I can't put it to bed until we've talked it through and when we fight, we fight fair- we don't name call or make generalizations, we say what happened, how we feel about it and what we need to change, but that's when he's rational, when he's irrational we aren't fighting it's just him blowing up or leaving- the blowing up is bad, him leaving makes me feel abandoned with the issue & stewing over whatever I need to work through but can't since he left.
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Not at all. The only time he gets angry, its when we're waiting in line somewhere. But even then, I think its more of a joking-type angry. I think I've seen him lose it ONCE, in eight years.
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Yep, I just walk away and let him cool off otherwise my temper starts up and two is worse than one!
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@prettylizy: my dad had a temper too, which is why I stayed with my ex so long I think- he was devoid of almost all emotion & I needed that then, men's emotions frightened me.
@krsmall: Sometimes I wish I could walk away and say it's his problem, I don't think that would go over well though
sometimes while I'm standing there I think about other things in my head and try not to listen to him
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DH is very laid back and always remains calm when we're in an argument. I get worked up when I'm upset and usually end up needing to cool off.
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Nope! He's pretty even-keeled.
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Mr. Jacks almost never gets mad. I'm more fire-y than he is... but I've mellowed with age
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My DH has no emotions... I am not exagerating. But I have a horrible temper.
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Wow, I'm kind of surprised by the number of laid back husbands!
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@mrs. bird: DH is the first laid back guy I've been with. So nice to not have our personalities compete!
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He is very mellow. We both are acvtually so we never fight. But I have he tells me that he used to have a horrible temper.
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Yep. It's like walking on eggshells, mostly only when he is fixing something or when I criticize his parenting and he has very little patience. I hate it. I honestly don't respond well to short tempers and when he gets angry, I have to leave. He calms down and then apologizes. But I have to ignore it and treat him like a toddler sometimes. It's slowly getting better.
Life would be so much easier without DH's short temper!
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@HeatherlovesKenny: so true!!! I wish they could see how silly they look when they act like that! It annoys me that I have to alter my behavior because he lacks self control. But it's good one of us is mature!!
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@mrs. bird: the hubs is a typical Scorpio - super sweet, fun loving and charismatic 90% of the time, but when something or someone crosses his proverbial line, he lights up like a firecracker. He and I both know the best solution is for him to cool off on his own and then all is good again. We've been together 12 years, and his temper is light years better now compared to when we first met. It looks like my "glass is half full" outlook and grace under pressure has been a good influence, after all these years
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My DH gets angry, but when he is upset/frustrated/angry he usually just shuts down and gets really quiet until he works it out in his own head. The only time he has outbursts is when he is working on his truck and things don't go well, then he drops the f-bomb aggressively.
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@MsMini: my dad was like that, he'd get really frustrated & curse & get super mad. DH doesn't get frustrated trying to do things as he does getting mad at ppl and I can deal with the f-bomb, but the punching & smashing things need to go! Our doors are metal & all have his fist prints in them, our stainless fridge has his fist imprinted in it, I've become an expert with plastering holes in our walls, he just needs to learn to control himself
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My hubby's is pretty bad. We are trying to work on it, him on the explosions, me on handling it. Sometimes I probably make things monumentally worse and I need to learn to walk away!
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No. I didn't want to be with someone who has a temper and can't control his anger--you can be angry and communicate. Who's to say he won't take it out on me, our child, or our pet? Or our home? It's just not a quality I was going to accept in a spouse. I hope your husband can get some help. Maybe anger management? The fact that he's beating on everything in the house is unacceptable and it's childish for an adult to behave like that.
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Neither of us really does...we are not yellers. Dh especially is super laid back. I can count the number of times he's really YELLED at me (in an argument) on one hand.
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@mrs. bird: My husband punched a wall when we were dating for some stupid reason. I wasn't there but I think he was mad that I was with other friends or something. When I saw his scratched up hand the next day I just basically laughed and said taht was a pretty stupid thing to do.
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Not at all. If anything, I'm the one with the temper.
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Yes because he has PTSD from serving in the wars. He hasn't tamed it but we have workarounds. It's an interesting process welcoming a war vet back home...
@artbee:
DH and I both have some hilarious road rage/ road rage induced potty mouth. We are working on it so the kid doesn't learn it!@krsmall: Good luck getting him to go to anger management classes. I haven't been successful in that yet. Maybe when he gets out of the military he won't worry about it.
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He's super laid back and always calm under pressure (opposite of me -haha) and I never saw him lose his temper..... Until DD cries. For some reason he gets a short fuse the moment she starts really crying. He's not mad at her, he's just frustrated when he can't make her "better". It makes me laugh a little because it shows me how much he cares.
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He gets pissed off easily about work stuff, but he doesn't have a temper per se. Certainly not to me or anybody else close to us, he basically just vents about work when stuff comes up.
But DH is great at keeping me in check!
sometimes while I'm standing there I think about other things in my head and try not to listen to him
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