Looking back, I know now that from the minute he was born my LO had a temper. There were many reasons why I ended up not being able to breastfeed, but one of them was that he got too angry when he couldn't get milk and was inconsolable until he was given a bottle....anyway, that's a whole 'nother story. When he gets mad, he gets MAD. His face gets red, he squishes his face, he clenches his fist, closes his eyes, and cries like he's being tortured. There is no talking to him when he is crying, he will not even hear you. He does the escalating cry where each bout gets louder and louder and has more fury. He's not always like this, he is a little sweetie too, but when his temper comes out, I just don't know what to do anymore with him. So far, we just let him cry for a while, but then I can't take the crying anymore - it drives me crazy, it makes my blood pressure rise and I can feel the stress in my body. So we try to comfort him and distract him... sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Other times we just give in. When it happens in the car, we can't do anything b/c we are driving, but all of a sudden , and quite often, he just won't be happy in the car and start wailing. He is now 15 months old, I am afraid that he will think he can do anything he wants and get anything he wants if we don't do some sort of effective intervention. I saw him trying to take a toy from another toddler at day care and he started getting upset when he couldn't take it from her. I have read all the advice about temper tantrums and how you have to just ignore them, etc... etc..., but I really feel like that won't work with my LO. He just keeps crying forever. Even my day care provider says there is no talking to him when he is crying. Has anyone else dealt with a toddler with a really bad temper and how did you handle it ???? What has worked for you ?
-
I don't have any advice but I'm bumping this to see if anyone else does.
-
My LO isn't here yet so take my advice with a grain of salt. But I do think you need to try to ignore it and don't give him any attention when he acts like that. If you sometimes give in he's learning that if he just keeps going long enough and loud enough eventually he'll get what he wants. I know it probably really sucks to have to try to ignore it but I think it will be the most effective course of action, even if it takes some time.
-
I was recently at a playdate and this sort of thing came up in conversation (a friend's nephew is extremely aggressive) and another mom suggested play-therapy(?) or even behavioural therapy? I don't know where one would do this...But maybe your doctor has contacts?
-
I would call my pediatrician and ask for some resources...books or specialists or whoever. My friend told me her daughter had to do some type of therapy bc her anger was out of control...not saying anything is wrong with your son...but her daughter was diagnosed with oppositional defiance disorder and she says the therapy really helped her and she learned what type of discipline her daughter would best respond to and what type of disciple to limit/avoid bc it only made things worse.
-
have you tried the happiest toddler on the block techniques? One of them is mirroring their emotions-- shaking your fists, stamping your feet, clapping your hands, and shouting "mad! you're mad! you're so mad because mommy won't give you her phone!" or whatever. We did a variation on this (when we really shouted or looked mad, he would get scared and start crying out of fear) and it would distract him long enough to switch gears and help him identify the fact that he's mad, or sad, or whatever.
There are a couple of other techniques in that book that I would suggest. We kind of mishmashed a bunch of stuff (even though I didn't really enjoy the book itself) and it really, really helped us.
-
Thank you all for your input ! (and thank you @babyboecksmom for bumping!). I think I may have made my LO sound worse than he is....and I think I was a little depressed and worried about a lot of things yesterday =\ I'm going to check out the happiest toddler on the block book (thanks @MrsWagon!) and some other books and see what works for us.
-
@podomama: hehe... I know just how you feel. Definitely check out the book (I highly recommend skimming, I didn't like his style of writing) and as ridiculous as you may feel while you're doing them, try all the techniques and see what your LO responds to! Good luck and keep us updated!!
-
@podomama @mrs.wagon: Ok yesterday my son was throwing a tantrum because he didn't want to come inside. He was crying and saying "ummmmaaaa!" (which is mom in korean). So I squatted down to his level and said "I don't wanna come inside!!! You don't wanna come inside right?? Ummmmamaaa!!!" (tried to do my best imitation of him). And he started cracking up!!! He was laughing so hard it made me and husband crack up. Then we just picked him up and brought him inside and gave him some snacks.
It worked!
-
Really ???? I'm gonna try it ! thanks @banana !
-
@podomama: At first, he looked at me like I was a crazy woman (like his eyes were all huge and he cocked his head to the side) and then he started laughing. Hope it works for you too!! Thanks for the advice @mrs.wagon!
-
@banana: LOL!!! no problem!!
honestly this method makes you feel like a crazy person (hehe) but it really worked for Wagon Jr. because it made him realize that not only did we understand how he felt, but we actually cared about it too. It really opened my eyes to the fact that he was becoming a little person with a will of his own, and we were just these two big bullies who would shove food down his throat, throw clothes on him, and toss him into the car. We really ignored his desires because he didn't really have them until about 18 months. Now that we can not only help him understand his emotions (you're mad! you're sad...) but also show him that we care about the fact that he's mad or sad, he really responds to us sooooo much better.
-
@banana: lol. I'm still smiling. "UMMAAAAAA!!!!" LOL
-
@mrs.wagon: Awwww... I love how they're becoming little people with their wills and desires. You're totally right! I should pay more attention to his feelings and stop being a "bully". I'm gonna pick up that book!
-
@banana: @podomama: oh here's the blog post I wrote about it
http://www.hellobee.com/2012/04/02/from-devil-to-angel-tinas-no/
-
@mrs.wagon: I read it the first time and thought "OH, I should bookmark this page for the future reference" and then I just forgot about it. Thanks for the link!
- Google Plus
- Stumbleupon
- Twitter
- Facebook
- Pinterest
- Favorite1
15 comments