Hellobee Boards

I feel like I could read comments on this forever and feel super validated and still at a loss for what to change.

DH has further complicated things be doing both school and work full-time so I've picked up a lot of the slack in our house because he literally has no time for it. But he's on a term break right now and I've been slowly letting things slide.

Dropping the ball has worked in my house when I haven't cared. I still take care of my kids in the morning, so hopefully no one can tell that their dad fed them cereal or sandwiches again the night before. I ask SIL to come over so he'll help vacuum and clean up the front room.

I dread when my kids go to school because I know that will all fall on me and I can't think of a good way to drop the ball without having it plop down on my kid's heads.

@Anagram: We're working towards it. DH doesn't want a stranger in the house so we compromised on my college student SIL coming once a week. But she doesn't always come and she never finishes cleaning the whole house, just does an hour blitz clean. So I'm thinking we'll get a real cleaner next year once he admits she isn't working out.

@gotkimchi: oh yes I have definitely seen this with friends as well. Because mom nurses, just hand the kid off!

@JennyPenny: totally! I was talking to my boss about this because both of us had kids this year and he was curious how I’m seen as the non birth parent vs. a typical dad. I took 3 months off with our first son and a month off with our second and reduced/changed my schedule to accommodate being home to cook dinner, do bed and do school drop off. No one batted an eye at my work and it literally didn’t occur to me to think of not taking a decent amount of time and to consider DW juggling both kids at home alone until I get home from work. But we are also in Canada and can split leave of up to 18 months. Of our straight couple friends, 2 of the dads became short term SAHD for 3-6+ months, usually after mom went back to work and the kids were more flexible with bottle feeding. So I do think there’s some truth to it for sure...and the more men take advantage and say screw it, I’m gonna take my leave, the more it will end this toxic patriarchal culture that is the source of the issue.