After just reading the formula feeding thread, it reminded me of this article which I had seen posted on my Facebook feed. I love this!!
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Yes, please!
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I'm glad I have friends with a variety of experiences and opinions too.
Sometimes online I feel like though that campaigns that say 'end mommy wars' mean stop talking about your experiences and opinions, these things limit what women discuss because they're afraid of coming off as 'judgmental'. To me judgmental has the same connotations as bossy does and is a way to shut down women from voicing their opinions and experiences. This is kinda along the lines I'm thinking.
http://www.rolereboot.org/life/details/2013-10-are-women-judged-more-harshly-for-having-an-opinionSo while I think it's important to remember that differences don't mean people can't be friends, it's also important to not use it as a reason that topics, opinions, and experiences should be avoided.
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@Maysprout: I think for me, the *way* some women disagree is what comes off as judgmental. for an example, circumcision - I'm on the fence, however some of the comments on those threads make me feel like a sh*tty person for even considering it! it's totally fine to say something like, "we didn't circumcise. the reasons to do so weren't compelling enough for us" as opposed to, "chopping off a piece of my poor, innocent baby for my own reasons? yeah, right, over my dead body!' you know?
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It always comes down to how the message is delivered for me. I am always open for a good debate around a topic, what I can not accept is when someone has to become an activist and militant about it. I just tune that out.
@sorrycharlie: I see we view it more or less the same.
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@sorrycharlie: There is something to be said about delivery but at the same time people feel passionate about some topics. Not to switch it to circumcision discussion but my husband has similar opinions to the one you said was mean (he actually probably uses stronger language) and I used to discourage him when he expressed it to others. But he feels passionate about it and he's allowed to feel passionately about it.
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@sorrycharlie: I agree! There's a way to explain your decisions/actions, and your reasoning behind, and there's a way to make it seem like your way is right and come off sounding holier than thou!
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@Maysprout: He can feel passionately about it, but that doesn't mean others aren't going to think he sounds like an ass (and judgmental, despite being a man) and get super defensive if he can't even try to phrase it nicely and not attack people who didn't make the same decision as him. It's really not very hard to voice your experience without coming off as judgmental, I don't see the two getting confused here.
I think it's pretty easy to avoid baiting people mommy wars style - just re-read what you wrote! Are you saying why it was right for YOU, or why you think everyone should do it the way you did? Is it easy to see how what you are saying could make someone who either decided to or had to formula feed/have a c-section/CIO/circumcise/whatever feel bad? If so, then just stop! Think about how you would say it face to face to a friend whose feelings you care about.
Anyways...getting past the negativity we already have starting here, I love those photos! It reminds me of a mommy group I'm part of on FB that started off on Weddingbee. Despite the fact that we've all made different decisions, we get along so awesomely and talk to each other about pretty much everything. No, we don't always agree, but we don't really debate either unless someone wants opinions - we recognize that we all have different lives, babies, and experiences, and we respect each other's choices. Often I feel that mommy wars comes down to a lack of respect for parents who don't make the same choices as you.
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@wonderstruck: He sees it as mutilation, I'm not of the same opinion, which is why I used to tell him to stop if it came up. But he's got reasons he thinks that and he can defend them so I've become fine with it. I'm sure some people have thought he's an ass, hey I've thought he's an ass with the way he's expressed it. But I don't know of any friendships that have been soured by him having an opinion or calling it mutilation, I've heard plenty of strong opinions from friends that I disagree with too.
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Judgement comes from the other side as much as from the giver. There are many times that something is in no way meant the way it is taken. Even going over it with a fine tooth comb.
I have many autistic tendencies (never diagnosed) and will spend a lot of time on a post (these days just deleting 90% of them). It will still be taken by someone hurting as an affront. Seriously can't do it right.
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@wonderstruck: I agree that it is mainly a lack of respect. As long as someone isn't harming their child (that of course could be subjective, but I mean blatantly harming) than we should respect mom's who do things differently. There is not one right way!
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