Expat Mommies or Mommies to Be?

By anniegurumi Oct 5, 2012

Hi everyone!
My husband and I moved from NYC a year ago to Shanghai, China. We love it here and for me (I'm Korean-American) it's been quite a challenge learning Chinese and getting by. Luckily these days it's going well!

Now I'm pregnant after years of TTC with fertility problems. Short story, we are happily pregnant (almost 8 weeks!) and wondering if there are any other Expat mommies or to be mommies?

I am super excited to become a mom but I've also been a little lonely not having so many friends here. Wanted to see if there were others who are in the same situation.

I really miss my friends in NYC. And I'm sure I'll make more friends here over time.

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15 comments

BabyBoecksMom
GOLD / papaya / 10166 posts

Oct 5, 2012

Welcome and congrats! There are lots of expecting moms over here What's your due date? There are usually some threads for each month.
Arden
honeydew / 7589 posts

Oct 5, 2012

Welcome!
I'm a life-long expat, spent most of the last few years in Albania but we're currently in the USA and expecting a baby.
We'll be moving back overseas next fall, to Kosovo, where we'll be for at 6-12 years.

I totally understand the loneliness, in all the years I've spent abroad this has been something I've had to deal with a lot. I try to make an effort to seek out both other expats and locals and try to cultivate friendships (which in the beginning can feel more like work), and it pays off over time.

Also, my other expat friends have told me it gets somewhat easier once babies are part of the equation. They say you don't get bored, and therefore not as lonely, because your baby keeps you busy. Also, babies can help you make friends and connections with other mommies. You instantly have something in common!
looch
wonderful pear / 26210 posts

Oct 5, 2012

I found it MORE isolating to be abroad with a baby, largely because of the language issue. I was working and had a large group of expat friends, but once my son was born, I found it difficult to find mom friends that weren't expats.

It could just be the country though, so try not to worry too much!
mamimami
grapefruit / 4120 posts

Oct 5, 2012

I guess I'm an expat mommy although I live in Mexico, married to a Mexican and I work here. So I'm not living that expat life that some of my friends and acquaintances are! Hope to do that too, someday... I tell my husband all the time how open I am to going to yet another country as a family
travelgirl1
cantaloupe / 6630 posts

Oct 5, 2012

We are! We're English but moved to Toronto about three years ago. We're expecting our first baby on November 5. I actually love it over here, I think the healthcare we've had is better than we'd have had in England, and although I miss my family like crazy, it's meant no one can interfere either : ) I think it's harder for them than us, as they've really missed out on the pregnancy, seeing the bump get bigger, being able to buy it bits and bobs... I do miss my friends a lot too but Facebook and Skype makes it so much easier. And I love how our baby will get Canadian citizenship too - opens up way more opportunities for her later.

I hope you have a great time in China, and congrats on your pregnancy!
wheres_c
pomelo / 5789 posts

Oct 5, 2012

Welcome and congratulations!

Even though I live in the USA (Florida), I consider myself an ex-pat, since I'm from England. I only have 1 family member living in this country - everyone else is back in the UK. My SO is an ex-pat also, he's from Peru. A lot more of his family has made their way here though, so he isn't quite in the same sitaution as me.

It's really tough sometimes being so far away from my family. My grandfather passed away while I was 20weeks pregnant, and I made the tough decision of not returning for the Funeral as not to put myself through a 11 hour flight while pregnant.

I really want my child to know ALL of his family, and not just his dad's side who is living here. I put away some money so that I can take him over to meet everyone when he's about 6months old.

Ideally we'll move back to the UK before he starts school.

What took you to China?
mjane
apricot / 444 posts

Oct 5, 2012

If this pregnancy sticks (I am exactly as far along as you are!), we will be expats starting September 2013 for 9 - 11 months while my husband does research in Europe. I won't speak the language (though he does). I work from home very part time, and will be working on my graduate thesis, but other than that... it'll just be me and (hopefully) a bebe.

I am definitely nervous about feeling isolated, being unable to communicate with other parents at the playground, etc. I've made people promise, promise, promise to visit... and other than that, I guess it's an adventure! Not too many other expats in the two cities we'll be living in, as far as I can tell from internet stalking. Yikes! I feel you!
mjane
apricot / 444 posts

Oct 5, 2012

Oh, and we leave in NYC now--I totally understand why you miss it!
loveisstrange
pineapple / 12526 posts

Oct 5, 2012

Im an expat! We're American and living in England. Our daughter was born here.
however briefly
cherry / 249 posts

Oct 5, 2012

My husband and I are both American and have been living in Europe for about eight years now (seven in Germany and we've been in England now for a year). I no longer associate the States with home (that honor goes to Germany), much to my family and friends' disappointment but we still have plans way far in the future to eventually move back and settle down closer to everyone. Right now we're just having way too much fun traveling and experiencing other cultures to give it up.

Our baby will be born next year though so I'm very curious to see if that changes how we feel. I really hope it doesn't! I've had lots of American friends who were living overseas who moved back as soon as they could once they had a baby. I'd like to think that even if the child can't *remember* the experiences at such a young age, it still helps to form them into who they are going to be and since traveling is such a huge part of who me and my husband are, I can think of nothing more that I want to be an influence on our kid.

Do you plan on staying in China indefinitely?
MegWag
persimmon / 1135 posts

Oct 5, 2012

I'm an American expat living in Manchester, UK with my British hubby and our adorable 7 month old son. I've found having a baby was great for meeting people. Our area has great children's centres and I've made a few really great girl friends for the first time since I moved here 2.5 years ago.
SugarplumsMom
bananas / 9227 posts

Oct 5, 2012

I'm a Filipino American living in Sweden with my Swedish husband. We just had our first baby here, DD is 3 months old now. I totally understand about not knowing the language. Although most people here know English, everything is in Swedish and the written form of the language is a little different from what's actually said. It's really difficult to make friends!
anniegurumi
cherry / 174 posts

Oct 6, 2012

@BabyBoecksMom: Thank you! I'm actually already part of the May 2013 group

@Arden: Awww you totally understand! Yes, it does feel like a lot of work because it's hard to find people that I connect with. A lot of the people I met so far... I haven't really liked. But I'm sure you're right, with babies... it should be easier! Best of luck on your move!!

@looch: That was my problem too. A lot of people that I was meeting were actually Chinese. While there is nothing wrong with that, I am not Chinese... and at the time didn't know how to speak Mandarin. But now I can speak conversationally but it's not to the point where I can confide or really express myself. But hopefully after more lessons, I"ll get there.

@sloaneandpuffy: My husband is actually Chinese so that does help A LOT when we're together. He speaks Mandarin and Cantonese (He's from HK) fluently. When we're together, it's not a problem at all when we're out. In the beginning it was more when I was on my own. Plus nobody seems to know English here unless you go to the fancy expat cafes. I'm definitely not opposed to living here or even other countries. If we happen to move to Europe I should be ok since I can get by on Spanish, Italian and French.

@travelgirl1: Thank you so much!!!!! It's funny that you say that because I do love Shanghai. The hospital care that I get here is FAR better than America and all my visits to the fertility clinic was included. I am VERY lucky since I needed surgery and it was completely covered! Definitely use Skype and Facetime to keep up with friends but the 12 hr time difference makes it difficult to plan out.

@travelingbrit: I am so sorry for your loss. It is so difficult to travel let alone impossible while you're pregnant! May he RIP.
I think a trip for you at 6 months will be great for your family's reunion! I wish you well We moved to China because the hubs company wanted him here but they REALLY love him so we might be here for the long haul.

@mjane: NYC is the greatest isn't it?? I have tons of friends there and I just really miss being able to see them so easily. I wish you the best of luck and YAY for month twins. We have a lot of visitors and that always makes it nice.

@however briefly: First, congratulations on your upcoming birth! I agree with you, traveling and experiencing cultures have been the highlight of living over here. We get to travel a lot and not just China but all over Asia. I think that's one of the things I'm most excited about having a baby here because he/she will have such a rich childhood and experience so many things! Plus my husband is Chinese so it means a lot to me that our baby really understands and sees their culture. The husband definitely doesn't want to move back (EVER) hahaa. I actually am feeling like Shanghai is home, it feels more like home than NYC. (Which is so strange to me!) Eventually I know I'll meet friends here that I can really bond with... that's really all I lack here, I really love it here.

@MegWag: That seems to be what everyone is saying! It's really encouraging to hear that you made friends with your baby. And awwwwww 7 months! What a great time.

@Crumbs: Hahaha YES. That's just like here, except nobody but expensive places speaks English! It is difficult but eventually I hope we'll both make more friends: you in Sweden (which is AWESOME!) and me in Shanghai. I wish you much luck!!

And thanks everyone!!! I really appreciate all your insights and advice. SOOOOOOOOOOO wonderful and amazing that we can all connect via the internet from all over the world. xo
mynoahbear
pear / 1554 posts

Oct 6, 2012

Congratulations! I'm an expat SAHM to 9 month old. I'm Japanese American and have been living in Tokyo for the past 4.5 years. We're actually moving to Beijing in 2 weeks and am quite worried about it. I made some good friends here, which was really hard since I'm an extreme introvert. LO is also on a great routine now with activities plus tokyo is such a baby friendly city. There are nursing rooms everywhere and it's stroller friendly. I'm not sure how Beijing will be and I have some concerns about food and health safety. But I guess that's just all a part of being an expat mommy.
anniegurumi
cherry / 174 posts

Oct 6, 2012

@mynoahbear: I wish you were moving to Shanghai!!! Then we could hang out. I don't know much about Beijing but I think generally China is safe as long as you're smart about it. There should be a good amount of expat grocery style stores and usually that's where I shop or I order from the farm directly (in Shanghai).

I wish you the best of luck in Beijing! I hear the food is delicious and there is so much to look at history!

I have to say that Japan is a lot more baby friendly but I think you'll be just fine in Beijing. If you ever need to vent or just want to say hi, please shoot me an email!!! annie@anniegurumi (dot)com

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