Sadly my husband and I are facing family issue, that leaves me with a decision to make regarding the baby shower that is being graciously thrown for me. This is a long one - you've been warned!

First the back story:

My husband is the product of a very short relationship between his mother and father. In fact, his father didn't know of his existence until he was eight years old. At the time of his birth, his mother was slightly ashamed of being a single parent, but also sure she could raise him on her own. And she did - but obviously as he grew older, he asked questions about his father. This led her to seek him out, so he could play a role in his life. By the time my husband and his father met for the first time, his father had married and started a family of his own. Everything went well, though. My husband would visit for the summer and some holidays, and this is how it was up until the beginning of our relationship.

Things started to change, though, when my husband dropped out of school. He has since finished up (as a working adult going to night school), but this act of walking away from his education infuriated his father. I feel it is important to note, though, that his father was not footing the bill at all. This started the downhill slide. Their relationship was terse, but when he told his father about our engagement, there seemed to be hope of a reconciliation. Those hopes were dashed, though, when we responded favorably to him offering financial assistance for our wedding. We would never ask for an amount, but in a response to an email he sent, we said that if he would like to help, it would be most useful for the wedding itself, and not the rehearsal dinner. Apparently this crossed some sort of line in the sand, and he became angry with his son once again. I still do not understand, because as I wrote, he offered the assistance.

After that point the relationship continued to decline:

- A trip to visit us was cancelled at the last minute. Even though he came into town.

- Only his wife would contact us regarding the wedding - he refused to.

- At the wedding rehearsal dinner he threw a fit (that thankfully only my friend saw) because his wife offered to split the check with my mother-in-law.

- He did not visit his own son before our ceremony. Nor did he call, or even respond to the message my husband left him.

- My husband's grandmother (daddy dearest's mother) left our wedding super early to visit with her great grandchild and his babysitter. Not the worst, but knowing them, she supports his behavior.

- No invites to family events. No visits even if they were in town. We'd only find out through Facebook that they were here.

- No calls on birthdays or holidays, unless my husband would be the one to reach out. He would. The phone calls were often awkward and painfully short. No email communication, either.

OK, still with me?

Fast forward to this past Christmas when we decided to announce to our families that we were expecting. My husband called and delivered the news - and it seemed to be a good thing, the response was positive, but not overly enthusiastic. Since our relationship was so one sided, we agreed that we would let them "come to us" for once. So we waited, and waited, and waited some more. Now I'm seven months along, and there have been exactly 0 inquires as to my health, the health of the baby, or even how my husband is taking his impending fatherhood.

Clearly we're hurt. It is exhausting to run a one sided relationship, plus it is impossible to not feel like this is a rejection of our soon to be daughter. Because of this, I don't really care to invite the women from that side of the family, even though it could touch off awkwardness. But should I even care? Clearly things aren't well.

I'm beginning to feel as if it is all a lost cause. We are very different people, which I can respect, but I suspect they do not. If we were in a standard social setting, we are clearly not individuals that would become friends. Are we wrong in letting them come to us for a change? I just want to know that they willingly want to be part of their granddaughter's life, I don't want it to be a chore and something they just "have to do." It leaves me with mixed emotions, but I just don't know what to do. A lot of my intuition suspects it is time to excise this relationship from our lives. My husband feels the same way, so it isn't just my opinion - his does have more weight in this situation. But I still feel bad. Help?