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You draw the line where you and your significant other choose. I personally would let them come but, I wouldn't change anything for them. I definitely wouldn't leave just to leave the baby with them. I also don't have a good relationship with my in laws. It is your (you and your significant others) baby and you get to make the choices. You must do what you feel comfortable with.

My husband did want them to watch our son and we made specific arrangements for it that we both could live with. I had the plans already. The first time the watched him for hours and never changed his diaper. I was NOT comfortable with that again. This time they only fed him a snack before nap instead of real food so he took a super short nap. But I was only gone 2 hours so I could recover anything.

The short notice thing would drive me n u t s and seems really rude.

In regards to the "alone" thing - I get it, but maybe not at that young of an age - and of course it matters most what the parents want/are comfortable with! As an aunt & uncle my husband and I like the idea of being able to hang out with nieces "alone" so it feels more special - and I remember going on a special trip just with my grandparents. But at 5 months? I don't know.

Hope you can navigate something that leaves you feeling comfortable and them feeling satisfied, family stuff is hard!

I don't get why they have to be alone?! Can you at least be in the house? I find that a weird request even if it came straight from my parents. I understand if its one thing where they offer to babysit and say you guys can leave, but to specifically request alone time is totally strange to me!

I hear you on this one; my mom is trying to do the same thing and it's ridiculous. We're heading to the States at Christmas and she won't have seen DD since she was 2 months old (she'll be 6 months at the time) so she's trying to plan all kinds of activities for DH and I so she can spend time alone with the baby. It is driving me crazy. DH and I WANT to spend time with our daughter - she is not an inconvenience to us that we want to offload on people. She is also OUR child and we really wish people (my family) would stop acting like they are entitled to spend as much time with her as they want, on their terms. Also, different situation I know, but I agreed to stay in the States for 3 weeks longer without DH so that my family could have more time with LO, which means DH will miss out on those 3 weeks with his little girl. Given that, it's really pissing me off that they're trying to get alone time with her whilst DH is still in town!

Sorry, that was my own personal rant to basically just say, I know how you feel. I would stand your ground on this one. Make a compromise and agree to be around this weekend but don't feel obligated to leave your DD alone with them. If you were planning on taking your DD to the park/zoo/aquarium/coffeeshop/whatever, don't change those plans, just invite your grandparents to go with you. If they insist on being left home alone with your DD, tell them that you are trying to expose her to a variety of social situations and as weekends are the only time you really have free (I think you're working if I remember correctly), you don't want to deprive her of that exposure for an entire week.

Really, the bottom line is that she is YOUR child and you can make the best decisions for her. Also, play to your grandparents age - subtly remind them that taking care of a 5 month old is a challenging job...for someone in their 20s, much less someone in their 80s who is not as spry and nimble as they once were! Ok, maybe don't use those exact words, but something along those lines.

Good luck - I hope it all works out for you! And let me know how it turns out so I can maybe take some pointers for managing the Christmas situation with my family!

ETA: I know I sound like an ungrateful brat, and I do truly love that my family is so invested in my child, but I sometimes just wish they would respect boundaries and remember that DH and I are the parents - not them!

ETA #2: Holy long post! Sorry!!!!

I haven't yet been in your position, but I think that the major problem here isn't necessarily what they want (although I'd be a little hurt that my grandparents didn't want to hang out with me) but that you are more or less being told what to do with your own little family.
In your position, I'd make sure that I was around to see them but I wouldn't go out of my way to leave LO alone with them - if you had a particular errand that you were planning on running that would be easier solo, go for it; I wouldn't be kicked out of my own house "just for fun" though.

@Rainbow Sprinkles: if that's the case (that you wouldn't enjoy yourself anyways if she was left with them) then don't do it! I just assumed you regarded these people like your mother...but if not then you need to let them know you're not ready for anyone to watch her other than your mom. Can you throw it on DH? DH always let's me say stuff like "his daddy is extra protective--sorry!" And then people don't argue because they figure they don't want to breaks a fathers word....it might work to just close the entire subject of them asking

Wow. My grandparents could never handle taking care of lo. They can't even hold her by themselves. But that's not the point. No way would I do that. The only people who have babysat my lo are her grandparents .... and she's 15 months old.

I do have a good excuse for these situations though. My lo has stranger anxiety and has since she was little. At your lo's age she would cry if a stranger looked at her. And go crazy if they picked her up. So if someone tried to babysit it would be no fun for anybody.

@Rainbow Sprinkles: Would you be leaving your LO with just the great grandparents or would your parents be there too?

Maybe you could just say that you prefer to stay there, but would love for them to watch LO while you take a nap, relax in a bath, work on _____, etc. That way they would feel like they have some time, but you would still be nearby.

My parents will offer to watch LO so DH and I can go out and do stuff as a couple when we visit.
I would be annoyed if they just want to be alone with your LO. I would prob just stick around but give them their space to dote on your LO!

My grandparents couldn't handle LO either! They're not even that old...! I think their baby days are over and that's ok - they love to see him and hold him but not for more than 10 minutes.

I find it odd that they pretty much demanded you leave so they could be alone... what can't they do with your LO with you there?? that just seems like they want to do something you might not approve of? Idk that part makes me uncomfortable totally.

I was going to second turtledoves and say I would totally get out and do something if someone offered because I really value time away from LO - makes me appreciate my time with him moreso... but if that's not the case with you I would say don't do what makes you uncomfortable. It's your decision because W is your baby.

And I know from previous posts that W doesn't always do too well with others for long periods of time... use that as your excuse! Tell your gparents she doesn't take a bottle, she won't nap without you etc- so you can't leave her.

@Rainbow Sprinkles: Could your mother be there with them?

@Rainbow Sprinkles: Yeah, that's getting a little weird. I would just nip it in the bud and tell them that their insisting like this is starting to make you angry and the answer is simply, "no." YOUR family is now your LO and DH, and they come first, even if you have to hurt your grandparent's feelings. You feel anxious and leery about it for a reason; trust that mama gut. xoxo.

@Rainbow Sprinkles: I find it so odd they want you to be gone! Stick up for yourself! Don't change plans, invite them over for lunch or something if it fits your schedule. Sorry you have to go through this... I don't even had kids yet but i know it would drive me insane!!!

@Rainbow Sprinkles: i also find it odd that they are so insistent on you leaving the house?! i think it's one thing if they are trying to help (ie: oh, we would be happy to spend time with LO alone while you get your nails done, do errands, etc.) versus, get out of your own house. heck no. and on a couple days notice. put your foot down, especially with the stranger anxiety. sounds like a recipe for anxiety for everyone!

Wow, that's pretty strange! It's one thing to say "Oh it would be nice if we had some alone time" but to actually demand it, and not even directly is weird.

Honestly I would force them to make the request directly by pretending like I never heard anything until they bring it up to me. Then I would either take them up on it if I had to run a quick errand or I would just laugh and say "Maybe next time".

@Rainbow Sprinkles: eeee the part about the no phone makes it even worse, especially since you said Willa has major separation anxiety. I second the idea of letting them watch her while you are in the house doing laundry or tub cleaning, that sounds like it could be a good compromise! You definitely have the right toile whatever decision is best for your family, hopefully if you stand up now, it will deter them from pushing the issue any further! Family can be really tough! I know in my experience, I'm figuring out that my mom/dad and grandparents still think of me a their daughter/granddaughter and forget that I'm a mom now, and need to do what i think is best for my daughter instead of doing what they think is best. Definitely tough though!

I really hate when people bring up "oh we did it without X technology 25+ years ago and it was fine". Do we just throw the convenience out the window? Um, no.

Just stay home and get your stuff done. What are they going to say to you, after all?