Hellobee Boards

The secret is just that you aren't around long enough to see the entirety of those other moms' days. I think that we parents have an air-brushed standard (so to speak) of what passes for good parenthood. And it just isn't so! You are in very good company. I know I feel like a failure lots of the time. Is there anything you know you are doing really well that you can focus on and give yourself a pat on the back for? I bet there are lots of things. Sometimes I find that helps me if I'm in a funk. "Gee, I know I feel hopeless at x, y, and z right now, but I am really doing well at a." And then if I can allow myself to feel even just a little bit good about how I'm doing, my positive attitude can tune me in to seeing more of what I'm doing right.

@littlek: What I wish is that we could remove the idea of 'failure' from the conversation, and especially remove the idea that 'every mom is failing at something'. I'm not failing at anything - and it isn't because I'm some genius super mom. I just don't view it in those terms - I parent as best I can, I work my ass off to keep a nice house and keep us all busy and happy. And what doesn't get done is ok. It's really all just fine. My family sees that the hard work I put into our lives, and if something isn't perfectly done, no one views it as a failure.

It makes me so sad when I hear women say that they feel like they're failing at motherhood, or that they feel like they're getting it all wrong. What kind of impossible standards are we holding ourselves up to if we feel that way? I try my hardest to opt out of 'perfection', to opt out of 'having it all' and of meeting someone else's standards. I wish that we could all just trust that we're amazing parents.

What really bugs me is that we have to perpetuate this passing/failing dichotomy. No one has to be failing - we can all just be getting by as best we can. OP, it sounds like you're doing an awesome job, and more importantly, it sounds like you're doing your absolute best. And how could you do any more than that? You couldn't. I wish we could all just give it our all, and know that it's enough. I wish that encouraging and reassuring other women didn't need to include this idea that 'every mother is failing at something'. None of us are failing.