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My pediatrician always tells us to remember that babies don't read our books. He's so right. Every baby is unique. Trust your instincts! You're doing great!
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Like everyone else says, it will get better and you're at a really hard stage right now! Don't be so hard on yourself! I know, easier said than done, but I have to remind myself of this still and I have a 3 year old!
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Definitely don't go by the books! If I were, I'd be a massive failure - LO is 7 months and wakes every 2 hours, eats every 2-3 all day and night. Babies have their own agenda
you're doing a great job!
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Oh, and about the different cries: at 7 months old I still don't know what she's crying about half the time. There are a few things that I can distinguish, but I think a lot of that newborn crying was just plain old no reason crying. Some babies just need to be soothed a lot.. As my SIL put it: "some babies are just born with fussy pants on". Don't beat yourself up about it!
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@Smurfette: *hugs* You're right where I was a couple weeks ago! I think I cried for a week straight right around then and I wanted to quit breastfeeding!
I have that book and I know what you mean about struggling to follow it. It's so frustrating when the book says your baby should go 3 hours or sleep through the night or whatever and your baby just isn't doing it! You wonder if you're doing something wrong or just going insane! Just try to remember that the book is a guideline but you can't follow it exactly. Like Xander doesn't nap for longer than 30 minutes and he won't cluster feed unless I force him too and I can't get him to dreamfeed at all, and he certainly won't sleep through the night AT ALL!
You're an amazing mother! The fact that you care so much about R and making sure that you do right by her is just so meaningful! The fact that you love her so much is all that matters! R is going to turn out okay in the end because you love and care for her!
Xander is almost 9 weeks and I still don't understand his cries, so you're not alone! I can only make a guess based on when he's crying. If he hasn't eaten in a couple hours, I assume he's hungry. If it's shortly after eating, I assume he's gassy. If it's somewhere in between, I have no idea! I'm like "Are you wet? Are you cold? Are you hungry?? What do you want???" I can't wait for him to start talking and be able to actually TELL me what he wants!
And I'm not sure anyone LOVES these early stages when it's just SO HARD. Xander's the easiest baby in the world for the most part and I don't love this stage either! I can only imagine how much harder it must be with a more difficult baby! You're doing a fantastic job!!! *hug*
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@boiledpnut: Haha, that reminds me of the episode of Suburgatory where the mother/author writes the book "How to Be a Baby", because "babies don't know how to do anything!"
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aw, big hugs. don't feel like a failure, because you aren't one! the first 2 months are really hard, especially with all the books that say your baby should be or shouldn't be doing this. i was in the same spot as you, i was stressing out over my baby not napping, not taking a bottle, etc because all the books said that wasn't right! PUT DOWN THE BOOKS. your baby is unique and will get there when they get there. do whatever works for you and your family, even though the books or your friends or the internet is saying its "wrong".
btw, my baby is 6 months old and i still don't really know her cries. her pain cries are easy, but her other cries. usually she's hungry, or she's tired. if she's not hungry, she's tired. its just method of elimination for us.
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I didn't read the other replies. But (((((hugs)))))) !!! I think my LO is just some days older than yours and the last few weeks have been rough. I haven't been able to put LO down for daytime naps lately, and I gave up trying b/c I'd rather her sleep in my arms than wake up as soon as I set her down. Maybe it's too early to give a paci when they wake up hungry? All the baby lit I've read says the first 2-3 months we have to just do whatever works to survive and it may or may not be ideal and match up w/books and research and other babies. I hope it gets better for you soon! When you feel like pulling your hair out...make DH go get you cheese fries and a soda. Or better yet, leave him at home and go grab/eat them alone in your quiet car. I did that with a milkshake the other day and life seemed so much brighter.
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Around 5-7 weeks was the hardest time for me (aside from the first couple of days with him in the NICU). I clearly remember crying to my mom on the phone at 6 weeks. By 8 weeks though we turned a corner and things got easier (we had our sucky moments, and still do, but I felt infinitely better!) I was less scared of him by then, and didn't feel like I was melting down as much if he started crying for whatever reason I couldn't figure out.
Remember that your baby has to adjust from being warm and dark and constantly fed all the time, and you guys have to figure out how to work together as a team. It takes time and a lot of work, but you'll get it figured out.
I quit the baby books other than No Cry Sleep Solution when I need reassurance or new ideas after a bad night. My little guy never read the manual, so I figured I didn't need to worry about it either. Big hugs and good luck, hope you guys turn that corner soon!
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@Smurfette: You are doing amazing! I found that when A was born she came with this almighty sense of mummy guilt that I felt all.the.time. I felt SO guilty about everything, to the point where I cried once because I forgot to put a hat on her when we went out. I used to beat myself up about everything. Probably needlessly because now she's a bit older, she's the happiest, sweetest most content little baby - all the hat forgetting and crying and bottle rejection really didn't affect her in the big picture at all : )
I agree with everyone who said to ditch the book. The best advice I ever got is that your baby is their own little person and they will do things in their own time, not when a book says they should. It was a LC who said that to me about breastfeeding when I was in tears about her latch and it was so, so true - one day it just clicked, when she was ready, not when I wanted her to be.
We didn't have any routine for months, she started rejecting the bottle at about six weeks and has never taken another since (despite numerous nipple tests) and has refused to nurse many times, despite having no other way of feeding. I used to just try feed her all the time for my own peace of mind, but now try feed on demand and it works better.
It took us a long time to get her to sleep somewhere by herself. We still have to nurse her down. Also, she has stages where she's never up at night, and others where she gets up five times - babies like to change things up!
So you're doing nothing wrong, nothing at all. You're doing a great job being so loving and caring. In a few months you'll look back and be so much more relaxed about it, it's much easier when they are a bit bigger and interact with you more, so you can see how happy they are, and know a bit easier when something (and exactly what it is) is wrong. Hang on in there!
you're doing a great job!
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