Hellobee Boards

This strikes a chord with me. The woman who wrote the blog you are mentioning was part of a big podcast-based FB group called Longest Shortest Time mamas. Her story and the almost constant sharing of other tragic tales made me leave the group. It's not that I don't care or want to be a support but I worried about my own mental health. I still go down rabbit holes with blogs like the one above or another where the child was diagnosed and died of cancer in 2 weeks, etc. I don't put my head in the sand but I really try to be aware of when I am seeking out tragedy versus when I can be actual support to someone.

The thing is that everyone deals with hardship (of different levels) whether it shared on a blog or not. Losing a child is the worst kind, of course. It helps me to do random acts of kindness for all the people in my life, even tourists on the subway who need help with directions. I practice kindness and sending out positive energy.

I just allow myself to feel the feelings. I try not to spiral down.

I hope this helps you.

Honestly this is the main reason I am no longer religious. I just can't accept that these things "happen for a reason" or that there is an all loving and all powerful god that lets these kinds of things happen to innocent, good people. I don't mean to stir debate about religion, but it's my personal view, after having grown up very religious. It's almost easier for my to accept that it's random, no one is in control, and there's no such thing as fairness when it comes to these kinds of terrible tragedies. It's cynical, perhaps, and it doesn't make it better....

I feel this way about all my fellow loss mamas. I get more upset on their behalf than I did my own (maybe because it's easier to process my losses that way?), and it really bothers me that there's nothing I can do. I want to make them cookies or something (I sell decorated cookies, so that's not totally random). I don't really have any answers either. If anyone has any ideas of something a stranger on the Internet can do for those going through miscarriages and losses, let me know!

I feel like a sh*tty person for this, but I actively avoid stories about sick, dying, and/or abused kids because I just can't handle them. It's not that I don't care, but there's just so much bad news in the world and I feel like I'm always just about at capacity for dealing with it all, and when kids are involved it just puts me over the edge. I'm still brooding about Aylan Kurdi, the Syrian toddler who drowned, because my family was vacationing only a couple miles from there a few weeks before it happened. It still makes me want to throw up when I think how my own baby was "swimming" in the same sea for the first time and having a great time, while that poor little boy (and so many others) was in such a horrible situation. I don't know how to get over the guilt and outrage and heartache. Like you, I'm just stuck. So you're definitely not alone.

I'm right there with you. I work for a health system and although my office luckily isn't in the hospital itself, I spend quite a bit of time there, lately a lot of time in the children's center. Even though I'm in meeting with admin, just walking the halls and seeing sick babies brings me to tears. The amazing thing is though, so many of them are still so bright and cheery! I lost a friend to cancer in 6th grade, so these things weigh heavily on me. It sadly makes me appreciate DD so much more. I do have to sometimes avoid reading stories because it causes me a lot of anxiety.

Hi Ms Maths, This is Tessa from The One in a Million Baby. I'm so sorry my blog has caused you so much anguish. I think being a parent and mother means we feel more connected to other people's tragedy. I know I had to stop watching the news when all the Syrian refugees were on because of all the footage of little children.
I understand that tension between not wanting to take on board everyone's anguish, but also not cutting yourself off from the fact that people are experiencing it every day. It's a tough balancing act.
For myself, just know that while I am still grieving, Eva's presence in my life has made me a better person. I will always wish she hadn't died, but I am happy I got to be her mother at all.
Thank you for reading my blog and for your kind comments.
Tessa

@Theoneinamillbaby: Tessa, I am so glad @ms maths linked to your blog. I can only imagine the overwhelming pain of losing Eva, but even just reading about her life was profoundly awakening and moving to me. Thank you for sharing your stories so openly - sending much love and peace to your family.