I've only been home alone with LO for only 3 hours this morning and she's cried non-stop and I already feel like I'm at my wit's end. Nothing I do, other than breastfeeding (which I have come to really dislike), will comfort her. Most days I feel like I'm just not cut out for motherhood. When she's like this, I feel like I don't even like her. I can't believe I'm posting this, but I figure what better place than an online forum where nobody really "knows" me. And hopefully I'm not the only one that feels like this.

I've been lucky in that DH has very flexible and understanding bosses, so he's been able to take a lot of time off to help. But after next week he's going to have to start full time again and I'm so scared. I can't even handle being with her for 3 hours today.

There are so many things that frustrate me. She's constantly crying. Shes a horrible sleeper and hardly takes naps during the day. She refuses to close her eyes and when I finally get her to sleep, she wakes up the second I put her down. She never lets me put her down, so I can't do anything. I can't shower. I can hardly brush my teeth or put on clean clothes. I can't clean the house, or take care of my dying cat. I feel like a dirty, frumpy, leaky mess.

And I've really come to dislike breastfeeding. I hate that it's the only thing that quiets her, and most of the time she's not even feeding but just sucking on me. And I hate the way it feels. I can't leave the house for more than 2 hours because she won't take a bottle.

She cries so much and often just seems like she's so unhappy. Sometimes I wonder why I cant have a happy, easy going baby. At this point I cant imagine going through this again to have another child.

I know I probably need to talk to someone and plan on bringing it up to my doctor at my 6 wk visit next week. I've even thought about going back to work a month early.

Sorry for the long vent but I needed to get this off my chest. I hope you don't think I'm a terrible person.