My husband has a strong preference for a particular gender. So, we are definitely NOT going to be "team green" because he will need some time to adjust if he doesn't get what he wants.
However, we don't want an overload of pink and/or blue from people. So, we are considering either keeping the gender to ourselves or even just pretending to be "team green".
Does anyone else have this concern, and if so what did you do?
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
I'll be honest-- I sort of dislike when couples do this. I totally get why people would, but it rubs me the wrong way-- like you are trying to dictate what people can gift to you. But that's just my opinion and honestly, it's none of my business. If I knew someone knew the gender and wouldn't tell me, I'd be mildly annoyed and would secretly roll my eyes and get over it.
But we aren't telling anyone our baby names, which is arguably equally obnoxious, so who am I to talk? And we are really team green, so some people are exasperated by not knowing anything! We did get all gender neutral stuff 
pomegranate / 3331 posts
we talked about doing this, but then agreed that it wasn't right for us. Basically, we felt our families and close friends would feel a bit shut out of things if we didn't share, and they also were SO EXCITED to find out the gender, we just didn't think it was fair to make them wait since we knew. We did agree to keep the name a surprise though.
That said, i'm not going to register for tons of pink stuff, so hopefully people will use our registry as a guide!
persimmon / 1331 posts
I've thought about this, and am thinking of having a gender reveal baby shower so it will limit our gender specific gifts. This way we can eventually say what it is, but not be overwhelmed with blue or pink:) We'll see what we actually end up doing!
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
I didn't have that concern, I wanted a girl and I wanted pink everything And people did get me pink everything..... but they also know my favorite color is pink. I have friends that don't love pink and because of that I would never buy them pink things for their girl. For one friend I bought a little gray dress and her daughter wore it often.
I think if people know you well enough, or if you just explain that you prefer gender neutral clothing, they'll get you that. But if you feel more comfortable keeping it a secret then you should do it!
pomegranate / 3331 posts
@Foodnerd81: i think there's a difference between not telling the name and not telling the gender when you know. You can change your mind on the name once you meet LO, but you can't change the gender!
GOLD / pomegranate / 3938 posts
@Foodnerd81: You are funny! I also get mildly annoyed when people keep gender or names a secret. I really don't care about the gender or name of anyone elses kids, so I don't know why anyone would want to keep it a secret. But at the same time, if I don't care, why do I get bothered? Hahaha. To each, her own.
But @ElbieKay: I totally get your concerns on your shower gifts. Not that one should ever be picky about gifts. My sister did, however, received a bazillion pink onsies for her shower. She kept a few, but ended up using the "red laser" app to find out where the onsies were bought so she could take them back and purchase various equipment she needed.
GOLD / watermelon / 14076 posts
It's hard for me to put myself in your shoes because like @artbee, I wanted pink everything for our little girl! I am also not really a fan of gender neutral clothing because I have a hard time finding stuff that is truly gender neutral--a lot of what is supposed to be gender neutral totally screams either boy or girl to me. In my experience, people are going to get you what they're going to get you. I was lucky in that most people stuck to my registry (and I didn't register for any clothes). Some did get me clothes that aren't my style, and I just returned them.
pea / 8 posts
We aren't sharing, it was my husband's one request. I asked why not team green, and he was the same way, he wanted to know but thought it would be one of the few true surprises we could give our families. So, with all of his enthusiasm I decided we would go for it. My mom still pesters me about it, I am 26w now but so far I haven't told anyone except my masseuse! It is fun to see what people think it is too.
coconut / 8305 posts
We are considering finding out this time & not sharing.... but we also aren't having a shower.
Last time we were team green purposely though b/c I can't stand getting abunch of things that weren't on the registry b/c the person decided *they* liked something else in pink or blue better.... With my first 9 years ago we told the gender & got hardly ANYTHING off the registry BUT did get tons of clothes, many of which didn't make the age/size for the season he'd be that age/size in. Totally turned me off to telling people the sex.
Really I don't think anyone but you & your DH have a "right" to know... you let them know what you need & what you'd like by making a registry & knowing the gender really doesn't change that nor should it have any merit on what is bought (IMO).
And FWIW I have found alot more cases of gender disappointment when the sex is found out than when it's not.... from what I've gathered it's kinda hard to be upset & even harder to stay upset when you're holding your amazing baby. 
apricot / 491 posts
We're team green and have been getting a couple outfits that are gender specific just because they thought it was cute. No matter what, you'll get people who want to buy gender specific things, and if they really want to, you can't stop them. Maybe just keep the gift receipts and return anything that you don't want to use towards things you need.
GOLD / squash / 13576 posts
I can't keep a secret, so there is no way I could know and not let it slip. Plus, I don't mind sharing the name or sex of the child..
blogger / nectarine / 2608 posts
I shared, and wish I would not have. We got WAAAAAAY too much pink frilly stuff (even after specifically saying we didn't want it) and I prefer to do non-gendered and mixed gendered items for bedding, clothing, etc.
pomegranate / 3768 posts
My DH had a STRONG preference for gender too so when we found out we were having a girl (which was what he wanted), we couldn't help but to share with everyone. And yes, we got a ton of pink stuff, but I love pink so I didn't mind. Maybe when you register, you can pick out gender neutral colors so you don't get stuck with a TON of pink/blue stuff.
grapefruit / 4823 posts
I think if you do find out and don't want to share, I'd just say I was team green and act like you don't know. My husbands co-worker did this.
nectarine / 2063 posts
@ElbieKay: I want to find, out, keep it a secret and revile at the baby shower just for this reason! Also I don't want the twins to get TONS of matching clothes! DH however wants to tell the world as soon as we find out. He is not the one however that will be having to take back all the stuff we don't like or want. That will all fall on me. Who knows we may end up flipping a coin on this one.
pomegranate / 3231 posts
Thanks to everyone for weighing in!
We are DEFINITELY not sharing the name! I don't want to be influenced by other people's opinions about the name. People will feel free to weigh in before the baby is born, but no one is going to stare at your actual baby and say, "I can't believe you named her Ludmila Versace Smith!"
Part of the problem is that my husband and I generally have different preferences from our parents, but our parents are relatively tone-deaf to this and seem to ignore our preferences in favor of theirs. (Mine are especially bad about this!)
I don't care so much about clothes because we can always return or donate them. I am more concerned about other baby gear. I am not really a girly-girl. It's one thing if I wind up with a girly daughter who chooses to be pink-a-licious at the age of four, but I am definitely not walking around with a big pink stroller or designing a baby room with lots of pink everywhere.
coconut / 8305 posts
@ElbieKay: My issue was that we got very limited essentials at all b/c people bought clothes instead & we didn't always get gift receipts (Target is a pain about returns & have limits on amounts).
I don't think someone would buy a gender specific gear item over one you picked though... rather they just won't buy the gear item at all. lol
hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts
I shared and I got stuff off my registry...all the neutral stuff I registered for. I also received a lot of clothes as extra gifts...lots of pink!
watermelon / 14206 posts
I've thought about doing exactly this for my next pregnancy. Finding out what but not telling anyone. I probably won't, but I haven't ruled it out, yet.
coconut / 8681 posts
In this situation I think that the best option would be to have a gender reveal at the actual shower. That way the gifts are already purchased before they know!
pomegranate / 3231 posts
@Running Elley: Hmmm, I don't know yet if we are even going to have a baby shower. I personally dislike showers -- I got into an argument with my MOH for trying to throw me a bridal shower even though I didn't want one -- but DH wants to have a co-ed one. Not sure yet what we will do.
coconut / 8472 posts
@ElbieKay: I wouldn't worry about the baby gear, just register for the stuff you like. If you get something you didn't register for, usually you can return it for credit again something you'd rather have.
I actually love sharing that we have a little boy on the way. It somehow feels more real to me. Instead of thinking of him as "it" or "the baby" we talk about him and think of him as "Declan".
coconut / 8681 posts
@ElbieKay: Oh I totally understand that. As wonderful as my shower was I kind of dreaded it and was glad when it was over (both for my wedding and for baby #1!). It just makes me feel kind of awkward A co-ed one would probably be better though!
pomegranate / 3231 posts
@Running Elley: Unfortunately for me, we went to a co-ed baby a few years ago and he had fun with the contest to see who could drink a baby bottle full of beer the fastest.
I am DEFINITELY not sitting and opening presents in front of a large group of people.
pomegranate / 3791 posts
@pmerr: That's very true, we had people buying us gender-specific outfits before we even were able to find out whether baby was a boy or girl! So that is kind of inevitable. And if you don't have a shower, a lot of people will just wait until after the baby comes to buy you gifts. That's how it works in my circle anyways, without a shower people will bring gifts when they come to meet the baby and are less likely to ask about a registry and more likely to just bring clothes.
cantaloupe / 6730 posts
Heehee - I would totally keep it a secret. I like the fun of the surprise.
However, you'll still get the gender specific stuff. We're team green and MANY people have told me that they are waiting until after the baby is born so that they know whether to get girly or boyish stuff.
nectarine / 2220 posts
@sarbear: This is what I would do as well. We were actually team green until 30ish weeks when my dr's office slipped and told me at an appointment. My husband knows I know the sex, but doesn't knows it's a girl, and everybody else we just say it's going to be a surprise. We're not telling the name either, so I guess we're super annoying... but we kind of actually aren't fully committed to one yet either. Should probably get on that...
| Today | Monthly Record | |
|---|---|---|
| Topics | 0 | 0 |
| Posts | 1 | 0 |
Ask for Help
Make a Suggestion
Frequently Asked Questions
Bee Levels
Acronyms
Most Viewed Posts
Hellobee Gold
Hellobee Recipes
Hellobee Features
Hellobee Contests
Baby-led Weaning
Bento Boxes
Breastfeeding
Newborn Essentials
Parties
Postpartum Care Essentials
Sensory Play Activities
Sleep Training
Starting Solids Gear
Transitioning to Toddler Bed
All Series
Who We Are
About the Bloggers
About the Hostesses
Contributing Bloggers
Apply to Blog
Apply to Hostess
Submit a Guest Blog
Hellobee Buttons
How We Make Money
Community Policies
- Google Plus
- Stumbleupon
- Twitter
- Facebook
- Pinterest
- Favorite0
28 comments