Hellobee Boards

This gets under my skin too. Not sure what to offer as an alternative, as "sex reveal party" does not sound family friendly …

Also, I love your username!

You're right; I know the difference and try to say sex but sometimes I slip and say gender.

@night cheese: we talked a bit about the reasons people still use gender once!! Lemme find the link... oh here it is:

http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/do-you-know-the-difference-between-sex-and-gender

When I was pregnant and people asked me if I was going to find out the baby's gender, I'd be cheeky and reply ”I'm guessing by the teenage years!”

@night cheese: this also drives me bonkers. You're not alone.

@moonmoom: sometimes when asked about the sex I'd say "it's a girl... For now, at least!"

Completely fair and justified rant. I've occasional been guilty of this and I consider myself generally pretty aware of gender identity politics. I need to work on being more consistent when speaking in such a predominantly cissexual public space. That chart is great! I love seeing this kind of thing on Hellobee so thank you.

@MoonMoon: excellent response!

Well, the parties usually involve a heck of a lot of pink and blue and fantasies of ballet versus football, so they actually are gender predictions and gender reveal parties. Imposed gender, perhaps, but gender nonetheless. Nobody spends much of the party discussing chromosomes or genitalia. When people find out their fetus is male, their excitement is not about the endocrine profile, it's about their imaginings of gender expression.

@Mrs.Someone: I feel the same way. I understand the difference. I have no issue with people identifying with a gender different than their sex. But I think "gender" is just the easier/more polite term to use for most of these things and I don't think using the term identifies any lack of support for those in the LGBTQ community. I think it is just acknowledging that for 95+% of the population gender and sex are the same thing. (I.e. I will assume that a person's gender is the same as their sex until told otherwise. And when/if told otherwise, my response will be: Cool. You wanna grab some pizza?)

@Mae: +1!

This might be a bit silly, but this is one of the reasons we are on team green. I want to try to avoid any expectations for my little boy or little girl. I can just picture my baby and not have any gender expectation limitations.

@TemperanceBrennan: Me too! My family is SUPER gendered on everything, to the point that several family members make fun of my cousin's little boy (he's like 3 or 4?) if he cries and goes to his mother for comfort. They tell him to man up. Since I want nothing to do with that, being team green should at least force them to hold off on gendered gifts until after they're born!

I'd never actually heard this explanation, so thanks for that @night cheese! I will probably still say gender more than I should, since I was raised uber-conservative and struggle with the word sex. (I ask DH if he wants sexy times, I can't even say it with him!) But I need to work on it and you gave me some good reasons!

@night cheese: I gave up trying to talk about gender expression on these boards a long time ago, so just wanted to chime in to say I'm happy there's somebody else is trying to use the internet to spread education on this

@night cheese: I think it is great you are trying to educate people, but, on boards like this, choice of words isn't used to exclude. It is more about knowing your audience and tweaking your message so it is more impactful.

Frankly, I find "PSA" type posts annoying. It is one thing to write something privately to a member to bring their choice of words to their attention, but this kind of post assumes everyone is ignorant. It also doesn't take into account the numerous times the discussion has already been had.