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@hilsy85: That's a really good point. I think I'm very likely to be like that, especially because I feel that I'm the one that wants the child more. In a way, I feel guilty making him change his lifestyle or anything to accommodate a baby because I feel like he might just be having kids for me and not because he actually wants them. Regardless, I probably need to make more of an effort to stop thinking like that because we need to be in it together, regardless of who wanted them more. This kid will belong to us equally and so we should try to take equal responsibility for him!
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@MsLipGloss: @hilsy85: @adira: Another martyr here. I have to be really careful to not "enable" my DH to be a lazy bum. It's not that he's a bad person (duh, otherwise I would have never married him) but some things just don't come naturally to him. It has to do with his upbringing, and sometimes he does not realize how much work goes into running a household and raising a child. I was able to deal with this with only one child and being a WOHM, but before having #2, I told him he was really going to have to shape up, and he did. There are times when he relapses, and it just seems easier for me to do everything, but I have to remind myself that it does nothing but enable his behavior!
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@Adira: How did the conversation go last night? Did he run the snowblower?
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Alright ladies, here's my update!
So... I got home last night and Hubs was out snowblowing (YAY!!!!!) and he even shoveled the steps. I definitely STILL need to talk to him though, because our conversation after wasn't as productive as I was hoping.
Basically, I thanked him for snowblowing and said that I really appreciated it and that I felt at this point, I couldn't do that kind of stuff anymore. His response was "It's a good workout." I then said I just didn't think I was capable as I'm in pain and exhausted just walking to and from my car at work. His response: "That's because you're not in shape."
Ugh, I could kill him! So I definitely think I need to talk to him some more because he obviously doesn't get it. He seems to think that I'm just a fatty and doesn't understand that I'm growing a baby and that is using a lot more of my energy, AND all the extra weight is in one spot and putting pressure on different parts of my body - different than just gaining weight over all!
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@Hilsy85: Yep - it definitely describes me. You're talking to someone who folds t-shirts into uniform rectangles and arranges DH's underwear by brand and color. : / And don't get me started about the dishwasher!
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@Adira: well that's awesome that he at LEAST took care of business. Has he ever gone to the OB with you? Maybe she needs to have a good talking to your DH about your current state and your need for support. Sheesh!
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@Adira: Ouch. Just ouch. He needs a swift kick in the a** if he's gonna be prepared for this baby! What's he gonna do when you are 2 days post-partum and the snow needs shoveling, eh? I'm glad you didn't have to deal with doing it this time, but he needs a talk!!
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@T-Mom: He's only been to my first OB appointment to hear the heartbeat and then my two ultrasounds, but he doesn't usually go with me otherwise. But yeah, it would be nice if someone would talk some sense into him!!!
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Maybe you could sit down with him and just explain that you've really tried to keep up with everything throughout the pregnancy so it didn't all fall to him, but growing this baby at this point is taking all of your physical and emotional strength. Maybe just explaining that you're trying to keep up, but that you just can't keep going like this will help him realize it's not just about snowblowing, but about him needing to step up and do more of the physical things for the rest of your pregnancy.
I'm sure he just hasn't thought about it, but you probably shouldn't be shoveling and snowblowing now anyway even if you thought you were up for the task. Your body doesn't have the same center of balance that it used to and being on snow and ice sounds like a bad combination.
Also, I second the "move to Texas" advice--no snow issues here!
ETA: Just saw your update. Sounds like he needs a dose of a Sympathy Belly. Attach 30 extra pounds from his mid-section, and see if he can breathe, roll over in bed, sit up, walk from the car without feeling like he just ran a marathon!
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@Adira: I bet you're *in shape* enough to kick his butt! Men . . . they just can't quit whiles they're ahead!
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@Bookworm: Ugh, I know! I definitely am going to try to talk to him some more and explain that I'm not FAT, I'm growing a child! HIS child and that he needs to cut me some slack because I just am not up for the tasks I used to be able to handle! I'm HOPING that after seeing me go through childbirth, he'll be a LITTLE more understanding that I can't just get up and do stuff immediately and that I need time to recover. I think the fact that up until now, I've been fairly NORMAL except for the belly is why he hasn't really grasped that things actually are different!
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@Adira: Glad that he at least did the snow blower and shoveled the steps. But I agree with @Bookworm: he needs a swift kick in the arse for saying that you can' do it cause you are out of shape. Pregnancy is 100% different. Seriously, make him carry about a 10lb bag of flour taped to his stomach for the weekend and see how he feels. And that wouldn't even cover all the inside changes.
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@Adira: I wish we could all just stage an intervention and go talk to your DH!! I'm sure he would love us. hahaha
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@Mrs. Blue: Yeah, I'm hoping just more conversations will help and if I keep repeating it, he'll eventually get it. I mean, sometimes he seems to understand, but other times he doesn't get it. Like the first time it snowed, I said I still wanted to help and so that I would shovel the walk way, and he said he thought I shouldn't be shoveling. At the time though, I felt fine and I wasn't as big as I am now or as uncomfortable, plus our walkway is like five steps, so it was quick and easy. I'm thinking that my doing that probably convinced him I could do anything forever, even though now I feel like I can't.
And if we moved to Texas, he'd just be trying to get me to mow the lawn, so that's not a great solution either.
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@Smurfette: haha, yeah, seriously! I need to get one of those fake pregnancy bellies and make him wear it for a day! I mean, he MUST know that it's affecting me! I struggle to get off the couch, and I complain about my back NON-STOP, and I have to pee every hour! Plus I've taken to sleeping with a pillow between us for extra support, so he KNOWS that I'm not normal. But sometimes he just doesn't get it.
@T-Mom: OMG, I would LOVE that!!! Though my husband would probably be pissed to know I've been complaining about him this much to you ladies, haha.
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@Adira: Lol man, I'm like PISSED for you! Grrrr. Men. Complain all you want, this is something that definitely warrants it!!
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@Adira: But then you could use a riding lawnmower!
I suppose the lesson to be learned here is when the baby arrives, NEVER tell him you can handle it on your own! I honestly am going to remind myself of that concept all the time because I don't want to "train" DH to think I never need help!
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@Bookworm: At least you ladies are understanding!!! That definitely helps to know I'm not crazy.
@Mrs. Blue: If it was a riding lawnmower, I wouldn't be getting any exercise from it!!
My husband's a jerk. And YES, don't try to be TOO capable on your own! If your husband wants to help out, LET him or he might start forgetting that you're pregnant!
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@Adira: "that's because you're not in shape"?!?!?!? OMG I would have slapped DH if he had said something like that to me. I get angry enough now when he implies/outright says that, and I'm not even pregnant!! I am just plain out of shape... But that's no reason for him to point it out every time I complain about anything!
Gggggrrrr I'm so angry for you!!! I second what PP have said... Strap something heavy to his midsection and see how "in shape" he feels then. Gah!!
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@Penny Lane: hahaha, I hear you! I should've slapped him! He really can be a jerk sometimes, though USUALLY he's not!
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I think he needs to read some books on pregnancy. Who doesn't shovel snow for someone in their third trimester? He would have looked like a complete @$$hat to all your neighbors if they saw you out there shoveling. Tell him you saved him from dirty looks from everyone and then give him some science books on pregnancy.
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@Adira: i just saw this thread now. WTF. I am sure your DH is a nice guy, but this is ridiculous. You are so sweet to try and keep things status quo, but this is going to work against you when the baby comes because he will have a rude awakening. It is better to get used to the changes while you are pregnant. I would be so pissed if my husband told me that it was because i was no longer fit. I also had an uneventful pregnancy, and continued to cook and do chores but i was unable to vacuum (our vc was really heavy and awkward) or shovel the snow. I felt really bad but DH knew my limitations.
I really hope you sit him down and have a talk with him. I would hate for him to act spiteful or pissy because you cant do the things you were able to do before.
Ahhh, i am getting angry just thinking about your situation!
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I found an article for you. Here's a part from page 2 that you should give him. http://www.healthline.com/health/pregnancy/bodily-changes-during
"The increase in weight is usually the primary reason that the body cannot tolerate pre-pregnancy levels of exercise, even for the seasoned, elite, or professional athlete. Round ligament strain, increased size of the uterus, and pelvic instability from laxity of the ligaments may lead to increased discomfort during exercise in the pregnant woman."
Also, see everything on pg 5. Maybe get a copy of "what to expect when you're expecting" and show him portions that talk about weight lifting limits and physical activity recomendations. -
@MaisyMay: Thank you for the article!!! Definitely having something like this that I can show him will be helpful!
@caffeinated: haha, I know what you mean!!! I don't think my husband is intentionally being such a jerk - I just think he's clueless and doesn't know any better, but it's definitely frustrating!!!
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While my husband has never said I couldn't do anything because I was out of shape (I'd tell him to f-off! haha), I can absolutely sympathize with you about a less than supportive hubby. My DH, who is normally kind, caring, and very supportive got really selfish and just exacerbated if I couldn't do anything and needed him to help. We had fights, talks, cry fests and honestly he wouldn't come around. He was just an ASS, and I was honestly beside myself. I too wanted babies more than my hubby and so I figured he was anxious and this was how he was dealing with the pressure. Things have gotten better since LO arrived and he is very, very helpful. I still have a bit of resentment if I'm honest, but DH firmly stands behind the fact that I was miserable to be around while pregnant. It is work to find your new "groove" with the new baby and we've been very, very lucky with how good she is. We're definitely ok now, but pregnancy was very challenging for us as a couple. So know that you are not the only one who has experienced something like this. I hope that things do improve for you both once LO arrives. Hugs to you!!
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@chrispygal: Thank you for sharing your experience with me! It definitely helps to know that I'm not the only one who has had to deal with a less than helpful husband during pregnancy! I'm sorry you had to deal with similar issues though! Glad that things seemed to get better once your LO arrived! I'm hoping that same for us. I think that it's hard for my husband to really grasp what's going on without the physical evidence of a baby to take care of. Though since the snowblowing incident, he has been better at helping me and I've been more vocal about needing help!
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