The title says it. This is harder than I thought it would be. I never wanted to be a SAHM, and I know it's for the best. But I'm still so sad. I'm sad that the time of my son's life when I was the only one who ever cared for him is over. I'm sad that he'll spend more awake time at daycare than home. We did a couple shorter trial runs and when I picked him up yesterday he was crying. He was getting his diaper changed, so not that surprising I guess. I know realistically he'll cry, but still. Not very confidence inducing. I like my job and there are parts of me that are looking forward to working again. But ugh, so many complicated feelings. No real point to this, just needed to let it out 
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It gets better. For both of you. Promise! So many hugs to you mama!
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big hugs!
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Its so hard. I'm so sorry.
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It is so hard, but it really does get better. It doesn't make it easier those first few days/weeks though. I'm sorry mama. I used to cry every Monday after drop off for the first few months because I knew it would be a long, sad week of dropping him off.
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It is hard, period. Sending love!
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@MrsSCB: @T.H.O.U.: Y'all know I've rambled on in our August thread about blubbering my way through drop off and how hard going back to work is (even the second time!). No matter how ready you really are and how much you know that you don't want to SAH long-term, it's still SO hard. I always tell myself that it's all downhill (easy) after drop off - because that is the hardest part of my day.
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It's so hard no matter what. I loved (love!) my job and I had major doubts about going back. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. I told myself I wouldn't make any big decisions the first 3 months back at work and I'm so glad I did (as quitting and being a professional baby snuggler crossed my mind more than I'd like to admit). I now cherish my time at work and think (for me) working makes me a better mom.
I was an Aug 14 mom and posted this the day before I started back work:
http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/irrational-fear -
Hugs. It's so hard, but gets better each day. He will be well cared for and loved while you're at work. My advice would be to think about the positives: adult conversation, drinking a whole cup of coffee while hot, staring at F's cute little face while pumping, his reaction when he sees you for the first time after work, all the evening snuggles. As @LBee: said, be kind to yourself.
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That's exactly how I felt. It was so hard....but it went way better than I imagined and I was very happy to be back to being a productive wohm
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@MrsSCB: so so hard. Just remember the transition is always the hardest part. I had a really tough time, I felt like when my maternity leave was over, everything was "OVER". Sounds silly but I literally had to remind myself that my son was not leaving, he was still here and I was still his mommy. Sending you hugs and Internet
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I have felt exactly this way twice now. It sucks to feel stuck between a rock and a hard place - you don't want to stay home forever, but you don't want this time with your baby to be over yet. For me at least, it has gotten better with a little bit of time.
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Hugs to you. It is so so hard, but it does get better. Just feel all the feels and take it one day at a time.
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Let it out! It's so hard going back to work. I still say that my first day back to work after my oldest was the worst day of my life. All I did was cry and check on him. I was completely useless 12 weeks postpartum.
I hope you have a good day tomorrow, and remember that it's perfectly ok to feel sad and still want to go back to work. I never wanted to be a SAHM either, and I enjoy working, but I do miss my boys terribly. Lots of hugs to you
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Thanks, all, I really, really appreciate it. It helps a lot to know it's normal to feel this way, albeit difficult. My coworker texted me a bit ago to say she's looking forward to me being back, but she knows it's tough at first (she has a one-year-old). It's nice to have someone at work who's experienced this recently.
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@LBee: I have the exact same fears you posted about! I'm glad to know things are better now. When I tell my husband I'm worried he'll prefer his daycare teachers, he says, "Do you even remember your daycare teachers? How do they compare to your mom?" And that does make me feel better
also my mom recently told me that work was her time to "rest and recharge" haha.
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@MrsSCB: My son is two and he tells the nanny all the time, "my mama works, but mamas always come back!" I know right now it seems impossible to imagine being away from him - I wish I could tell you that there aren't days (hell, I felt it even today) that I don't still want to just stay home and be with him, but ultimately I know it is for the best for all of us.
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Awww ... sending my best!! I remember when my LO started school, and all of the feelings that went along with that. Now we're 2 years into it, and I couldn't be more confident that it's the best choice and fit for our family.
I hope your car providers will send you ridiculous amounts of photos and updates!!
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@MrsSCB: just want to say I 100% felt how you felt. It really is so hard to leave our babies. I found I love going back to work but don't love leaving him at daycare. It's so much better now though, and he seems much happier at daycare then festering at home with me. Honestly!
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Good luck mama! The first few days are the hardest for sure. Then I'd say after a few weeks you will be good. I've done it twice, it's never an easy thing. Hugs!
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i am sorry. i totally empathize. it sucks, no other way to put it.
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Nothing is permanent or forever! You can always negotiate for less hours or keep an eye out for part time work - it doesn't have to be one or the other!
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You got this! I found the anticipation to be much worse than actually going back. It took me a few weeks to get into a solid routine but it was pretty smooth sailing after that. I never had any desire to SAH and still had doubts leading up to my return to work. I hope it goes well...good luck!
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Prayers it's hard, but everyday gets better
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Good luck today, thinking of you!
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@MrsSCB: How was your day? I went back to work today, too, however I'm easing back into it. I'm part-time this month and then have my mom is watching him at our house until March/April. So much good support and still it's hard hard hard. Like the end of an era!
I was thinking it might be helpful to start a support thread on the topic.
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Thinking of you!
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Thank you! It went well today. He was there from 9:15 to almost 5:00. He ate 12 oz. and took an hour nap and two 30 minute naps. The daycare teacher said he did cry a bit, but that's normal and he'll need a bit of time to adjust. She said overall he did well. He was crying when I got there, but was in a good mood as soon as I picked him up. I met one of the other moms in the class and he was smiling at her, it was cute. And work was good for me, it was pretty nice to be back and my coworkers were very sweet. One (who has a one-year-old so went through this recently) brought me a mini Christmas tree for my office and a chocolate croissant, and another coworker brought cupcakes to a meeting. I ate three
And my boss told me to leave a little early, so that was nice. I'm pretty exhausted, but hopefully it just gets easier from here.@Amorini: so nice to have your mom take care of him! How was your day?
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@MrsSCB: glad you had a good day! Sounds like your LO did awesome- those are great naps and oz for the first day! Get some rest and some snuggles!!
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@MrsSCB: Was coming here to check in and saw your good report from today. Sounds like it went really well both for him and you. It gets easier every day. It's so nice to have supportive coworkers and a daycare to help with the transition.
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@MrsSCB: It sounds like a very good first day with good naps and eating! And hooray for sweet co-workers (and cupcakes!). Here's to another good day tomorrow!
I run a one-person satellite office and came back to a lot of stuff to fix (no internet, no phones and a water leak!) so it was a total dose of reality like "oh, yeah, this is my job"... LO did great and napped and ate. He's only 8w so having my mom help and starting up part-time is really the only way I can do it!
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@MrsSCB: Such a great update! Sounds like a great start for both of you. Just take it one day at a time.
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@Amorini: @MrsSCB: yes!! let's start a support thread about this. my boo has been to day care for 3 half-days so far, and we'll keep doing part time until January when I'm back at work full-time. it helps even to read about yall's experiences. the women at my place are really sweet, and he's eating and napping well, but I've gotten a couple of lonnnnggg blank looks from him during pickup that are pretty much breaking me in half.
@MrsSCB: mini christmas tree =
@Amorini: so jealous of your mom and in total awe that you're back after 8 weeks! that's incredible.
@pwnstar: have read everything you've written at least 5 times now -
I went to daycare today to discuss scheduling. Surreal. I return full time at the beginning of January, so I think it's a good idea to try some half and full days while I'm still home. Will try to schedule appointments for me during those times.
I can't remember: if I'm home with her still the day before sending her for a half day....when do I pump to be able to give fresh milk for her first half day? Since I'll be home the day before, I would just nurse her. Thoughts?
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@pregnantbee: I forgot you were still on leave! So nice to be able to stay home a little longer. How have you and the lady been doing?
I didn't build up much of a freezer stash--already burned through that-- so I've been trying to add in an extra pumping session and started taking fenugreek to get him the 15 oz he's been eating at daycare. Already kind of falling behind and having to supplement a little
Maybe you could work in a pumping session late at night right before you go to bed, or after her first morning feed?
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@MrsSCB: So glad it went well!
I'm back at work FT but baby is still home with Dad until the new year. So far she's not taking a bottle which is causing some stress. And in the evenings I can't get anything done because I immediately have to nurse her when I get home.
@pregnantbee: I would try to do a short pump session for like 3 days prior to her going. That way you can pump even just 2 ounces and have 6 ounces to send (enough for 2 bottles which should be plenty for a half day).
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@pregnantbee: When I was building my stash, I tried to pump about 1-1.5ish hours after the first morning feed. My alternative pumping time would be about 1-1.5 hours after I put the baby down at night (depending on how late it was). If it were me, I would try to pump once a day during the work week starting now, that way if the timing doesn't work out for a couple of days and you need to skip one or three (sometimes it's tricky!), then you have time built in to the process so that you aren't short when it's go time (and might even have a little left over).
@LCTBQE: Please please please don't stress out about supplementing! Your LO is still getting all the benefits of BFing, and he's going to be perfect no matter what. I needed to start supplementing early with my oldest, and I had so much guilt and put so much pressure on myself . . . it took me a long time to work through that. And ain't nobody got time for that! You are doing an amazing job! Let's just focus on that. I read an IG post yesterday that stated: doing your best is the new perfect. I couldn't agree more.
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@pwnstar: Interesting to read how other women approach pumping strategy (so weird that it is even a topic!). I've found that if I'm with the baby all day and I try to pump any later than immediately after the first morning feed, I kind of don't fill back up properly for the next nursing session, and the baby gets hungry and fussy and it can spoil the whole day. Yet almost everyone recommends doing the hour-later in between pump session like you do.
Anyway yes I'm getting over the supplementing thing. I think (for me at least) it's partly just an ego thing which, agreed, no one has time for
But reading kellymom etc it does seem like a decrease is often a downward spiral, which I'd like to prevent if possible. Plus if we're going through the hassle of pumping, it's satisfying to have a good 5-oz bottle to show for it. Has it been any different for you this time around?
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Also question for the group! I'm supplementing with Similac just because hats what they used at the hospital. Is it comparable to enfamil? Anyone have a strong favorite?
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@LCTBQE: Isn't there a Similac for supplementing (for BF baby).
also my mom recently told me that work was her time to "rest and recharge" haha.
And my boss told me to leave a little early, so that was nice. I'm pretty exhausted, but hopefully it just gets easier from here.Subscribe to our newsletter
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