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I'm going back to work on feb 1st and my son will be 12 weeks old. I love my job and am excited to get back. Right now, I'm nervous and sad about the transition, but I think it'll make be a better mom, not worse. The time we will have together will be special. Instead of counting down the minutes until nap or bedtime, I'll be enjoying our time together. I would highly recommend taking off as much time as possible though. I wish I could take off another 2 or 3 months, but it's not in the cards.

I work full time outside the home, but I won't sugar coat it - working full-time and having a family is hard. Sometimes I do feel like a crappy employee. Just this week, I had to take Monday off (daycare was closed due to MLK Day), had to leave early on Tuesday, and take Wednesday off (Logan has conjunctivitis). And now I'm getting sick! But normally, I still feel like a kick-ass employee and I even got promoted the year after I had Xander, so I know I'm doing something right.

As for being a crappy mom, sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. My kids usually LOVE daycare. They have really good friends they've made there and they get to play all day. They have more fun there than they do when they are home with me all day! But then there are times when they aren't feeling totally 100% or they just want to spend a day home with me and I feel awful because they have to go to daycare and I have to go to work.

Also, I NEVER see my kids in the morning. I get up at 5:00 and am out the door before anyone else wakes up. So I only see them for 2-3 hours in the evening and half of that time is spent with me feeling exhausted and looking forward to them going to bed so I can just relax for a few minutes.

But then I spend all weekend with them and I'm so exhausted, I can't wait to go to work on Monday! I like conversing with my co-workers, having lunch with actual adults, and even spending a couple minutes browsing the internet without little fingers trying to pry my laptop away from me or bang on the keyboard.

Also: money, 401k, insurance!

ETA: Oh, and I also really enjoy my job!

First there is nothing about being a working mom that makes you a crappy mom. You are doing it to provide for your family financially or for your own well being mentally and your career. And if that is the case then that makes you a great mom. When I went back to work after DS1 it was because I had to financially. At first I had the thoughts that I couldn't bare to leave him and I had a lot of guilt and the same as your friends are saying. Now I am pregnant with #2 and my husband has since gotten a new job/promotion that would allow for me to financially stay home but I am choosing to go back to work. I think at the end of the day it makes me a better mom. Its not that I love my son any less than a mom that chooses to stay home with them, but I feel I am able to provide for him better and the attention and time that I do give him is my absolute best. Not saying either choice is easy, but its yours to make and only yours and no one should make you feel guilty about it.

I feel like working outside the home makes me such a better mom. I have more patience with him on week nights because I haven't had to be patient all day (like on weekends) and I value our time more. I also want to set a good example in terms of equality. DH and I both work, we both share household tasks. I'm glad that my son gets to grow up seeing his be an equal earner in the house.

I also love the socialization aspect of daycare. He learns so much from other kids, he's learning to share, learns to take turns, and all sort of stuff I am just not equipped to teach him at home.

When it comes down to it, I'm just not cut out to be a SAHM. Some people love it, and that's great. I admit I get a little jealous when I see a SAHM friend doing all sorts of fun stuff in the summer - swimming, the beach, berry picking, playgrounds, etc. But winter lasts a long time around here and I know that I would get de-motivated and just want to sit and watch tv all day, lol.

I do not feel like a crappy mom, I think I'm a good mom. Sometimes I could be a better employee - there are days I arrive late, or have to leave early to pick up a sick kid. But overall I think I'm a pretty good and valued employee too.

@ShootingStar: YES! My son absolutely thrives in daycare & preschool. He loves his friends, he learns so much. There's always something new and exciting for him.

I work FT (split between office and home) and I am happier doing this than I would be staying home FT. But there are moments when it's hard. I've made changes to make it easier for myself (changing jobs to have a shorter commute/more flexibility, forcing myself to focus on having quality time in the time I do have with DD and as a family rather than being distracted by other things). I still have days like Monday this week where DD had a double ear infection and I had important meetings where I felt like I was failing at everything. But for the most part we have a great balance, I am contributing to our family financially and getting personal satisfaction from my job. Long term I'd love to drop to 75% of my current hours to have more time for family/home, but for now, this is absolutely our best option. DS is arriving in a few months and I know it will be a whole other round of adjustment, but we'll figure it out.

Ok, so I am not in your "demographic". I WOH full time, but not because I want to. So I have no choice. For me, I just feel like if I don't really care about my job/career, then why do I want to spend all my time at work than with my kid(s)? Not that SAH is easy at all, but that's my thought process.

BUT, since I haven no choice but to WOH, I do like the fact that I have to get dressed, look presentable, have adult conversations, feel important, have this whole time/space to myself, etc. The days when I do have to solo parent, I totally appreciate my work haha.

I also don't feel like I miss out THAT much. I'm with DD for about 1.5 hours in the morning. We wake up at 7am and I leave for work at 8:30am. I come home at 6pm and lately DD is going to bed late so we get another 2+ hrs. She's almost 14 months. Also it helps me to treasure weekends much more. It's def become more of a quality of our time, not quantity.

Yes; my ambition at work totally went away and I never OT and I do have to take a lot of time to go to dr appts, retrieve sick DD, etc, but I'm happy that I'm earning a living to support my family, and that my job is not so crazy that it's taking so much away either.

I have a very unique situation, I have a ton of help and flexibility compared to a lot of other parents, but the main drivers for me working are to remove the burden on my husband's shoulders of being the sole provider and to be able to make choices without finances being the limiting factor.

If I didn't have the help that I do have, it would be a different story. But we have it now and we are taking advantage of it because it works for all parties. If it didn't, we would stop and evaluate.

I LOVE being a working mom and there is no way that I could be a stay at home mom. I'm already bored on my maternity leave. I'm a better mom because I work and my son LOVES school. He gets more, well-rounded experiences because of day care. I'm not the kind of mom who wants to do little crafts and messy experiments with my kids. (All that set up and clean up for 2-5 minutes of interest!!) I feel more productive and positive working. My DH is super supportive and definitely takes 50% of the child care duties so I don't feel like I have to work and still be the only parent. He takes him to school and I pick him up. I pack breakfast and lunch, pick out his clothes and make dinner. DH does bath and bed. It doesn't feel overwhelming at all. Just stay true to yourself and you can always change your mind if it isn't working for you!

Eta: it probably totally depends on your job too. I couldn't handle a super high stress or long hours job, and feel like a good mom.

@Anagram: Yeah! In my twenties I would OT, work on weekends, work on vacation, do whatever it takes! Now, I mean, I want to do my best and I want to get raises still, and I will go above and beyond, but only during regular business hours please, lol! And it's true, if we can just hang in there till they're older, then we'll probably have more energy to put into our careers again.

I LOVE being a working mom. Love it. I would not be fulfilled at all by SAH - I'd be bored, and short-tempered, and stressed, and terrible about coming up ways to fill my hours with LO that were engaging and educational for her. I need my own space, my own ambitions, my own routine, my own successes, and my own identity outside of LO. I love having accomplishments at work, getting praise, engaging with my awesome team. And frankly LO loves daycare more than she'd like being stuck home with me all day without tons of other kids around, so it's a win-win.

@Adira: Your week sounds like mine. Baby J didn't sleep well one night, so I took a day off. Before noon, I got the call that his eye looked like pinkeye, booked a peds appointment, and then spent the rest of the day with him. Kept him home yesterday and worked with an infant. Luckily, DH was home too because he was tired of some of his coworkers, so we had a fun one kid family day doing errands, etc.

To the OP, I had a bad maternity leave with my first for so many reasons. I itched to get back to work. It was hard at first pumping, no sleep, etc. Once I stopped pumping, hormones regulated, and we're in marriage counseling, life improved dramatically. Work gave me focus and structure when everything around me was falling to pieces and rebuilding.

My second maternity leave went a lot better than the first. Balancing two kids and working is tough. It's not for the faint of heart. It's gotten better over time, but being a team and planning our weeks with WFM and WOH has been key. Work has been comfort for me after maternity leave. It's like the constant I crave when home life is tough or exhausting. Sometimes, working while parenting sucks. I have a wonderful, flexible boss who gets it.

I always thought that I would want to be a SAHM, but $ would be too tight (and we don't want to be pinching pennies) so the plan was always to go back to work. Plus DH really wanted me too even if we could afford it comfortably. But on leave I realized I was not cut out for it, at all. I think I am a better Mom because I do work. I think LO has more fun and learns a lot more at school then home with me. Is it hard, yeah. But you find a balance and you get in a groove.

As with a lot of the ladies here, I work for lots of reasons. I like feeling productive, I like using my brain in an analytical way, I like the adult interaction, having a career is important to my self-esteem. These things are true regardless of me being a mom.

I actually like being a working PARENT because this means I was able to find child-care that compliments my husband and I - we found a bubbly, over-the-top, fun nanny which are not words you would use to describe DH or me. Eventually we will add daycare or preschool to give him peer interaction.

Me working means that we can afford experiences for him like classes, vacations, visits with family who are far away. I also like that he will grow up seeing his parents as equals, but a stay-at-home parent can demonstrate this too, obviously.

I truly feel no guilt about being a working parent, we've made the best decision for our family. Both DH and I have flexible work, he is home with J on Monday and I am home with him on Friday. Both DH and I feel that we have lots of quality time with J and both love our current arrangement.

Don’t let people sway you. The vast majority of women work outside of the home these days, and the vast majority of us are holding it down like bosses and are doing just fine emotionally (thankyouverymuch).

Remember, no one ever asks dads these questions, or insinuates that dads are shitty parents if they work. Whenever I would get a comment about working, I just reminded myself that my husband would never be asked that. And if he isn't asked it, why am I worrying about it?

I work, I like working and I’m happy as a working mother. I’m not a person who can be happy without really exercising my brain every day, and caring for a child just doesn’t get me there. A lot of “just jobs” wouldn’t get me there either. I worked hard to get educated and get experience, and I want to continue to use it. I also personally really need to define myself well outside of being a mother, and working is a big part of that.

Working FT outside of the house isn’t easy. I did have several months where for 2 days a week LO was home with me and was that easier in oh so many ways: a resounding YES. Yes, it is easier to have all day to be able to do laundry. Yes, it is easier to have all day to meal plan and throw stuff in crockpots, or cook partial meals and even just do prep. Yes, it is easier to not have to squish everything concerning your house and lives into the hours of 6-10pm M-F. And yes, it is fun to get to play with your child all day, go to museums, watch them grow and you will miss some of that working full time.

But, I’ve never had guilt about being a working mom, because I have NOTHING to feel guilty about. My LO is loved on and cared for all day long. She does activities I wouldn’t likely be doing with her and she gets experiences she wouldn’t get with SAH + play dates. She is learning so much and having experiences I don’t think she would have were we 1:1. In my book, working has been all good – which again, doesn’t mean it’s always easy, fun or enjoyable.

@MrsSCB: Working or staying at home is just one of those things you wont really know how you feel about until you get there. I am an attorney, but I also wanted the option to stay at home if I wanted to, so my husband and I had always structured our finances in such a way where if I stopped working we could. But we both really didn't know how SAH would really work so I took the option of a year long maternity leave that was largely unpaid to see how it was (also because we weren't sure if we'd be able to have more children so I wanted to make the most of the experience).

I admittedly had a really difficult newborn/infant who didn't stop screaming for 4 months and wasn't even remotely pleasant until he was 6 months, so I don't know how I would have handled going back to work sooner than that, but I definitely felt ready to at 8-9 months. My son was on a great schedule by then and was really cute and fun, but I just didn't feel like I could be at home 24/7 with him. BUT I wasn't ready for the hardcore grind of 5-day a week daycare/work/sleep deprivation either, especially because my husband works long hours and has to commute 150 miles a few times a week.

So I went back half time after a year (thankfully that's an option at my job) and its been a great balance. I get to use my degree and have some adult interaction and make some money 3 days a week and then have 4 day weekends with my son and husband and I have time to shop and clean while DH hangs out with the baby. When I'm in the office, I'm totally focused on my work and I'm super efficient because I gotta go get my son. When I'm home, I don't really think too much about work and I can spend time with DS and grab a lunch with my husband and we can go to church together on Sundays and relax instead of flying around trying to get everything done for Monday morning.

I'm pregnant with #2 now and knowing what I know now, I'm planning on a 7 month maternity leave with him and will return to work on the same schedule I have now. I AM noticing that I enjoy hanging out with my son a lot more as he gets older, so perhaps I'm just not a baby person and I'll want to stay at home as my kids get older, but again, that's something I can evaluate as they get older.

I always thought that I would yearn to be a SAHM but not have the means. Fortunately, we do have the means for me to be a SAHM but ironically, I chose to WOH.

Being a SAHM is HARD. Being a WOHM is HARD, but in different ways. I am incredibly busy all the time. I get up at 5am. I rush out the door so quickly in the morning, the only quality time I get with my kid before work is the quick snuggle hug I give her at daycare. I've given my kid Tylenol before for a borderline temp and sent her to daycare, hoping for the best. I've been stuck at work while DH takes DD to the doctor, or stays at home with her while she's sick. I've missed more bedtimes that I want to admit. I've had to ask DD's teacher what time they usually feed her lunch, what her poops have looked like, things a mom should already know.

But you know what? She LOVES daycare. Even better, they LOVE her. She has more friends and fans than I do. She is advanced for her age due to all the positive influences at daycare. Her classmates have taught her how to hug, blow kisses and wave. She gets way more opportunities at daycare than I would ever be able to give her at home. I love going to work. I like getting dressed and having intelligent conversations. I savor all the special moments I have with DD. The moments might be fewer but they are oh so much sweeter. Because I work, my family is able to live a lifestyle we would not otherwise be able to afford. This to me is bonus compared to how working makes me feel, but it is a nice bonus!

I'll find an article that really changed my point of view on this.

@ShootingStar: I was about to type out pretty much exactly what you said!

I always thought I'd be a stay at home mom, but I really enjoy going to work. It helps that I work for a small company that stresses the importance of family first though I think. There are times I wish I could stay home with my daughter, but I know that my decision to work is the best one for our family.