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My in laws don't watch them solo so I don't really have rules for them but they've gotten a lot better about not stuffing them full of candy and junk food. It matters a lot because we see them every day, so I appreciate that they direct the girls to me first.
My parents have free reign. My mom does her best to stick to the high points of what's important to me as a mom. i trust and appreciate them wholeheartedly

We live a plane ride away from all the grandparents so none of them really know my kid's daily schedules/typical needs well enough to handle things without some guidance from us. My parents do watch the kids solo and I always give them guidelines just to make it easier on them to know what to do to keep everyone happy, but I trust their judgement completely. My in-laws can't follow my rules even when I'm there (like wash your hands immediately any time you come inside from smoking) so they definitely don't get to watch my kids alone since they would obviously just do whatever they want.

I don't think it's so much that my MIL has "free reign" but that her decisions and care of LO shows we can trust her to take great care of him. If I do have a concern, we are able to subtly mention it and she seems to understand and follow it. So, in essence, she has a lot of flexibility because she has earned it. My mom, on the other hand, has health issues (cancer) and hasn't watched my son alone in a long time but she and my dad would have "free reign" watching him together.

My mom provides childcare for us semi part-time. She doesn't have free reign (because my son would be spoiled rotten) in that if I ask her something she can totally go against it, but I trust her discretion on the big stuff implicitly. The only real rules surround how many sweets and how much TV he can watch. She will often send me pictures of him at the zoo, etc and as long as he's home by the time I pick him up, I couldn't care less what adventure they go on for the day. She has a medical power of attorney for minor authorization on file at our doctor (and a notarized copy in her car) and I frankly trust her ability to "think fast" in high stress decisions better than me.

My ILs have actually never kept my son for more than an hour when he was an infant, so this hasn't been an issue. This is not by design and I actually never realized this was the case until now.

My dad sees LO a lot. When we are together I give him free reign because he follows our lead for the most part in how we interact with LO. My dad is great at following LO's schedule when he babysits. I think he likes knowing what to do next and what to expect.

My MIL constantly asks about how we do things and how we like things done - she would never want "free reign". My mom on the other hand definitely likes to spoil DS - junk food, extra dessert, staying up late, etc. I don't mind really because it's special at grandma and grandpas. There are a few things I've had to correct though. Like it really bugs me when she says "its okay, don't cry" any time he's upset.

I trust my Mom and MIL completely so they pretty much have free reign. They love DD and she loves them and they care about her safety. I leave some reminders like "don't forget to cut grapes." Otherwise I don't care if she stays up a little late or eats candy or is spoiled a little by her grandparents. I also don't mind if they want to take her somewhere.

I'm pretty strict. My mom provides regular childcare, and both my parents take my boys overnight, and it was a process (mostly with my dad), but they now ask if they aren't sure I'll be okay with something. (From the beginning my mom was great about not stepping on toes and asked so many questions I had to start telling her to trust her instinct before she drove me nuts...)
My ILs visit much less frequently, so I'm a bit more relaxed, but since my FIL in particular seems to take pride in boundary stomping, I got much stricter for awhile. They seem to have gotten the memo, so we will probably relax the rules a bit again to see how they do with a bit more freedom (do they still respect the rules we're firm on?). A lot of my philosophy on what flies with them (since we only see them 3-4 times a year) will change with age, too.

We are very blessed by both sets of grandparents. That being said, I give my parents more free reign than my in-laws. My in-laws don't understand DD's food allergy or car seat safety, which gives me anxiety.

All-in-all, our in-laws spend a lot of time caring for our nieces and nephews whereas we pay for full-time daycare and date night babysitters. They are too burned out to take care of DD more than a couple hours every few months, so it works out okay. We visit them as a family rather than dropping DD off.

My parents, on the other hand are very cognizant of food allergies and demanded that we educate them on every aspect of car seat safety before leaving DD with them. They take her for two overnights every year and my mom helps out with sick days as needed.

Both sets of grandparents are respectful of the fact that DD does not eat sweets. They are extremely respectful of her schedule and pay very close attention, though I always tell them to roll with the punches and do what works for them.

My parents ask a lot of questions about our preferences And are attuned to our parenting style so I totally trust that they are doing things that support our parenting when they're alone with lo1 (haven't left lo2 yet!). They don't watch her regularly but do on occasion. I have nieces who are older than lo1 so I think they kind of learned how to be respectful grandparents from that. They definitely support rather than undermine us.

Mil is more of a mixed bag. She's respectful of my parenting but not as much dh's-- it's like she still thinks he's a surly teenager she can boss around. But if we say something directly she will listen. Like, before we cut screentime totally for lo1 I was annoyed how much tv she put on for her, but since we cut it she hasn't attempted to show her any, though she also hasn't watched her alone much...I also feel like she's less child centered in the activities that she plans for lo, like she just takes her to the grocery store or mall rather than the playground 🙄

We don't give either of our parents "free reign". None of them live near us, so when we see them it's because they are staying with us or vice versa. So some things--like nap times and bed times and regular eating times have to be respected for our kids to be in a decent mood.

But otherwise--If they want to try a new food or take them someplace, have at it! When my mom comes, I don't even ask her what she's doing with the girls all day--I know she can figure it out. DH's parents are more cautious, so they don't really take the kids anywhere. Except one time they surprised me by taking my kids on the light rail to the mall while I was at work--it was fine with me, I was just surprised they had the guts to try it, haha.

We have three sets of grandparents:

My father in law and his wife have never been alone with my daughter. They live out of state and are not involved. They're nice people, but I don't know them well enough to give them free reign, or at this point, to even have them watch her alone.

My mother in law and her husband have watched our kiddo overnight twice and for the evening a handful of times. We expected them to follow our rules within reason. They have only driven her once, to our house, in a seat I installed. I try to be accommodating. They choose what she eats. I send disposable diapers since they prefer them, even though I use cloth 99% of the time. I give them a rough idea of routine, but don't expect them to follow it to the letter.

My parents have the most free reign. They see her the most (even though they do not live closest), and my mom's parenting closely matches my own. They know her quirks and routines and likes and dislikes. I still send a routine list, but only because my mom requests it. If they plan to drive anywhere with her, they give me a heads up. They don't always do things the same way we do, but we trust them and so does our kiddo.

@nana87: your last statement resonated with me. LO throws a fit around my mom. He's only seen her twice since we moved. Anyway, the last time she was here all she wanted to do was shop and wanted LO to come with us. She's always made comments that she took me everywhere with her. Before we moved and toyed with her providing grandma care she would say similar things about being on the go with LO. I don't want my kid running errands all the time. I am just starting to see she's not really a kid person.

I've definitely become less of a control freak over time, but my kids aren't babies anymore either. We just spent a week with my ILs, and we were gone for 3 of those nights. I've pretty much accepted that it's anything goes (lots of TV, rare vegetables, candy, juice, snacks at all hours, late bedtimes -- which actually don't bother me on vacation, not saying no often enough, etc.). The only thing I'm still a stickler for is car seat safety. I think they are lax and I make my DH intervene. My LOs only see their grandparents a few times a year, so I try to just move out of the way so the grandparents can spoil them without me interfering too much.

We rarely see my dad, but I feel comfortable giving him more instructions, and he isn't as indulgent as my ILs.