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@bees_knees: @bhbee: Ohhh yeah, taking the baby out of sight would be a trigger for me, I think! My MIL is bursting with excitement, which is very sweet, but thrown in the mix are these weird comments like about how XYZ needs to happen "because the baby is DH's and DH is THE FATHER." (Her emphasis.) It always makes me think, "Okay so? What about that I'm the mother?" We half-joke that she thinks I'm incubating a baby solely for her, but it's the kind of joking that is tinged with anxiety!
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My aunt did this. I’m super jealous. Would be so handy. My mom got a playpen and we bought a second booster-high chair. And she has a bunch of toys/books for them. As for the separate room, just let her know that you are rooming in for the time being, but that eventually, you kid having their own room will be awesome (this coming from someone who has to put the pack and play right up against our bed and the older kid on the air mattress by the door). I would kill for a room to put the kids in.
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@foodiebee: So my MIL was a wee bit overwhelming (i.e. wanted to come to the hospital to help get us into the car, sent us an overwhelming amount of gifts, always wanted to see DS, was LIVID when my husband was unavailable by text for a few hours...ummm...I was giving birth...) I think a lot of it came from her anxiety and uncertainty about what it meant to become a grandmother and the role that she would play. I was very BEC with her and possessive of my son and afraid that this would be a big issue...but it wasn't. She did calm down BIG time once we hit our stride. DS (now 3.75) typically goes to her house one afternoon on the weekends. She often comes over for just a few minutes to hold baby girl (7 months.) She spoils them at Christmas, buys holiday outfits, etc. We just needed to map out our roles which happened naturally.
I would start with boundaries now so they get used to following your lead (especially if they are reasonable people.) I would personally stop joking about the incubating "her baby" because it fuels the fire. I get that you might be saying it to exemplify how ridiculous her sentiments are, but to me, it doesn't seem like a good idea. When she mentions something about DH being the father, I would counter with how "yes and I am the mother and joint decisions will come from US."
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My kids have their own room at each grandparents' house, but they're local and sleepovers are happening at least once a month. Your situation sounds nuts.
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@crazydoglady: We just say that privately, not around her. As for DH being "the father," it always catches me so off-guard that I've never managed to say a word in response. Your MIL sounds similar to mine. I honestly think DH has more anxiety about it right now than I do, because like you and other posters have said, I do truly believe this will all calm down once everyone gets to settle into their new roles in the family dynamic. I think in the long run she's going to be a wonderful, doting grandma. I also agree that establishing boundaries will be helpful for everyone.
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