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My son is the first grandchild for my parents, but the 4th for my inlaws. We also lived abroad and will always live away from one set of grandparents as they're on different continents from each other.

I graciously accept whatever anyone gifts to my son, because that is the love language of my parents and my inlaws. I don't have it in me to make a big deal of it, if that makes any sense!

eta: I agree that I do control what he does play with, if I don't think it is acceptable, I won't allow it. But my parents and inlaws are very much in tune with how we raise our son, so I don't forsee it being a problem.

Let them spoil the child is my opinion. Now that M is a little older and no longer a "baby" I let them spoil her not just with stuff but with food and treats, too. They're grandparents, they have finally earned the right to do what Grandparents do.

I think it depends. My IL's definitely spoil the grandsons, toys and even more so with candy. I will put my foot down about the candy, but the toys I won't control. They have yet to buy her anything besides Christmas and her birthday though.

@blackbird: I agree with this - although as LO gets older I may draw the line somewhere. Like if I tell them no to having their own cell phone and grandma and grandpa buy them one, that's not cool and a discussion would be had. Right now LO is too young to care or know if I take away something I feel isn't appropriate or choose to give it to him when he's older, but I know that will change eventually. And if the house if overflowing with gifts I think that's a pretty easy fix - great opportunity to teach the kids about donating toys to kids in need.

When it comes to other kinds of spoiling (bending rules like too much sweets, letting them stay up late, etc.) I think it depends on how much time the kids spend at the grandparents. If once or twice a month they're over there without mom and dad and get spoiled by the grandparents, that's totally fine. But my MIL takes care of my nephew every day while his mom is at work, so he basically has no rules and is filled up with junk and sugar every day. That's a big problem and part of the reason I'd never use our parents instead of daycare or a nanny - free help often has strings attached!

I think letting it go is probably wisest but I would at least drop hints about what gifts have been the biggest hit and what might be really enjoyed. I love the idea of memberships to the zoo or for them to pay for a class. You could maybe make that extra fun for the grandparents to give by emailing photos each time you go and having your little one bring it up on Skype, sending drawings made of the animals etc. Maybe if they get lots of feedback from something like that they would be likely to keep giving experiences instead.

Chloe is the first grandchild on both sides of our families, and the first girl in 20 years. She is definitely spoiled. As she got older, the gifts got bigger and we are literally running out of room for everything. Like, I don't know where or how we are going to fit a bassinet in our living room. There is that much stuff.

We've asked family to cool it down on the gift giving. I can't think of anyone in our families that isn't guilty of getting Chloe something EVERYTIME they see her. My kid seriously asked my nana the other day where her present was. I was shocked that she asked, but hey, that's the precedent that's been set.

It's got to stop. I et Christmas and birthdays, but the ALL THE TIME is making our house look like toys r us threw up.

I totally understand since we are in the same situation, but with both sets of grandparents in other countries. I have told my dad not to send things because it is so expensive, but if we go visit/ he comes here, I'll let him spoil. I can also tell my dad what he can't buy or do and no one has hard feelings. As for my ILs, I would really like more "guide" spoiling. My MIL is the queen of sending/giving cheapy plastic toys that my son plays with for 5 minutes or gives treats right before dinner or other inappropriate times. I appreciate the gesture, and I know she adores my kids, but I would like for them not to keep wasting money and, like @Mrs. Jump Rope: said, I'm afraid my kids will come to expect presents all the time and I'm not ok with that.

I let it be

If they want to spoil with 'things', so be it.

I will not tolerate my IL's spoiling her behavior and allowing her to misbehave though. Thankfully they are pretty good about it, but there are a couple times where they go against my SIL's authority in front of her - that just sends mixed messages to the kids about the parent's authority! We're only just now getting to an age where we're holding L accountable for her actions, so it will interesting to see how it plays out with us. My parents though, they see her all of 1-2 weeks a year, so I let them get away with just about anything.

Although babysitting is a different story (especially since they've had her alone mayyybe twice?). If DH and I aren't around, the grandparents can do just about whatever they want. If they want to keep her up til 10 pm and give her ice cream for dinner, fine.