Last night I was exhausted, but couldn't fall asleep for a while because I'm just feeling really emotional and scared. DH and I have been wanting to build a house for a while, but it's been a long process of looking for the right piece of land with no luck. Our plan was to wait until after the house was done to have kids, but after two years we still haven't found the land, and now I'm pregnant.

Honestly, this is probably the push we needed to start really moving forward and figuring this out, otherwise I think we would have wound up putting off having a family for even longer. It's not how we planned it, but we're both excited (with a healthy dose of nervous).

But now here we are. In a house I hate and don't want to have a nursery in (our nursery would be in the basement which I don't like the idea of). Even if we found the land to build our new house on tomorrow, it wouldn't be done by the time the baby came. I have this vision of living in a lovely home with our perfect nursery and having everything 100% settled and ready by the time baby mousie comes. However, this just doesn't seem like it's going to be a reality in the slightest. We've looked for homes that may suit us, but there hasn't been anything on the market that we're really drawn to, and I know DH has had a hard time coming to terms with living in another house rather than the dream home we designed with our architect.

I had an absolute sobbing breakdown about this the other day (my first pregnant lady emotional moment). Bless Mr Mousie and his patience, he rubbed my back and told me it would be okay, but I don't think he "gets" it, my desire to have a gorgeous nursery and not be in this state of transition. I just want to be settled and ready when baby time comes! I want to design and decorate the nursery, pick out the crib, have it perfect before little mousie comes.

How do I reconcile this in my mind? I'm so thankful to have a healthy pregnancy so far, but I want to give this baby the future we dreamed of. I know our home is where our family is, not the house we're in, I'm just having a hard time figuring out how to be okay with modifying the "vision", or how to at least come to terms with this and get a good night's sleep! LOL!