I was always thinking I'd have my kids about 1.5 years apart give or take a couple months (if of course that works out with body being ready, TTC successfully again etc). I've since heard some negative things here about doing so reasons being not enough time for the first one before second one comes, etc. That doesn't worry me because people have twins all the time and make it work (not easy, but people deal). Any other huge reason people are against having them in close succession (if possible)? Can anyone who has done this weigh in? I do realize my thoughts could all change once LO is here and I am frazzled with being a new mother, but just wanted to pose the question!
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Cost of daycare at $1500+ for infant + $1400 for toddler
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I have age on my side (not sure how old you are/ if there are any fertility issues) but I really just enjoyed having one child for awhile!
I think there are pros and cons to every spacing though!
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I nursed for a year and wanted my body to myself for a bit before trying for #2. Our kids will be 2.5 years apart. If we decide to go for a third we will try to shoot for a 1.5-2 year gap.
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2 ish is my ideal age gap. Both girls are/were pretty crappy sleepers. I can't imagine bring pregnant/having a newborn when the other is still sleeping like crap. I won't TTC till my younger child is STTN pretty regularly!
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@2littlepumpkins: just turned 30 and only want 2 or 3 just always envisioned them close together which is why we waited til now for #1...
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My brother and I were 17 months apart and I thought I would want a similar gap. Sex wasn't even comfortable enough to TTC while nursing FT (your mileage may vary). I had to cut down to only one or two nursing sessions (13 months pp - 22 month gap) before we could DTD. We're going to have a 27 month gap.
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My two girls are 19 months apart. I think it's a wonderful age gap. I was able to nurse my oldest until the day dd2 was born. When we brought her home, big sister just decided she was done nursing.
sure, two under two is hard. it's a bit chaotic and sometimes bedtime is a total cluster, but I can't imagine my girls being any farther apart. They are the best of friends, share clothes, and transitioning from being an only child to being a big sister went really, really smoothly for DD1 (but I suppose that depends on your LO's temperament).
I am pregnant with my third and she will be 22 months apart from dd2.
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I had my 1st right before I turned 34 and my second 20 months later. Even though the spacing can be hard, I wouldn't change it and its what I wanted. Having my kids close in age is very important to me.
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I wouldn't want them closer than 2 years apart because I couldn't imagine being pregnant that close together! I know people do it and I said I would have been fine if someone dropped off a newborn around her 2nd birthday but to get to the point of wanting to be pregnant again took me that long!
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Mine will be 20 months apart. I didn't want to get completely out of the baby days just to do it again. Little miss is due any day so I'll know more about how it is then. Also I'm so glad I'm almost done being pregnant forever. I've given close to 4 years of my life to TTC/pregnancy plus hopefully another year+ of nursing and while great I'm glad to be on the downward spiral.
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LO is 13 months now and we just got pregnant last month which means they will be 21 months apart. i wanted them close in age because my sister and i are also 21 months apart and we're very close. i also have a much younger brother (5 years younger) and love the relationship we have, but it's different. i'm 31 and we want 3 kids and ultimately i want to be done by 35 so i couldn't space them out too much. i'm still nursing and i definitely wanted that break in between as well but it looks like i'll be nursing for at least a few more months and that's fine with me.
i think yes, it can be totally frazzling having 2 under 2 or 3 under 3, etc. but i try to look at it as a small chapter of my life that will be over before i know it. also, sometimes it's easier to "just get it out of the way" and move onto the next phase in life. for me, parenting gets tougher everyday - they become more active, you have to thoughtfully parent and discipline them, etc. that i fear if i get too far removed from the "baby days", the thought of being pregnant and having a newborn while chasing after a terrible two toddler might scare me enough to be done with one.
plus, it just gets harder the older you are!interesting topic, thanks for posting! curious to see what others say as well.
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@mrscobee: If you've been planning for this then go for it! Yes it'll probably be more difficult in the early years but the way I see it there really are no guarantees in life and that time period is actually pretty short (although it doesn't always seem that way.) We wanted ours a little closer but ttc took a long-ish time, so they'll be three years apart. Maybe just play it by ear! See how you feel. And of course it requires you to be a little open to more adventure.. You'd be navigating some of the new toddler stuff at the same time as having newborn #2. But yeah people do twins too.
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My LO's are 2 years apart and while I think it's a great gap, sometimes I wish they were even closer - like 18 months apart. I like doing things more in parallel though and having them interested in the same things sooner, and getting certain stages over with faster.
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I have two 17 mo apart. It can be pretty intense. I'm trying to potty train my toddler, for example, and so in the middle of nursing
Lo2, he decides he needs to go potty. And of course I want him to, but that means I have to put LO2 down. Who screams. And this just isn't newborn days, LO2 is 11 mo! I think the difference with twins is that they are at least going through things at similar times. I'm sometimes that makes things harder and sometimes easier. When they are that close,
Someone always needs something. It's fun, and they are starting to play together more. But I'm not going to lie and say it is easy peasy! -
My LO is 18 months and I am not ready for another quite yet. I also read recently that research suggests women should wait 18 months between pregnancies for health reasons - pregnancies, not babies.
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@jedeve: those are my thoughts too - with twins, it's definitely double the work but both babies are usually at the same stage, not all over the place in terms of development.
My kids are 3 years, 1 month apart and my second and third are 2 years, 1 month apart. I prefer the bigger age gap. I feel like I not only had time with DS, but he was able to do so much on his own by the time my second was born. There's a lot of chaos with my second and third - potty training was tough with needing to hold my youngest, who couldn't sit up at the time, while helping my second. Or the 2 year old meltdowns - trying to console my toddler and new baby was really tough. I feel like I'm close to losing my mind at the end of the day now...then again that could just be because I have 3 kids? Haha.
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I always thought I wanted kids about 18-22 months apart, and sure enough, our girls are 19 months apart, but unfortunately, it hasn't been quite the dream scenario I'd envisioned...
Our situation is unique though in that we undertook a big international move that started when DD2 was just a month old. It was an eight month process overall, and in that time, we were in three different countries, staying in four different locations with various family members whilst we waited for passports and visas to come through. DH was apart from us for nearly two months as well as I was still waiting on my visa and he went on ahead to the UK to find a job and get everything set up for us. By the time we found a house and moved in, it was 8 months after we first started this epic journey. DD2 was oblivious to it all but poor DD1 had her entire world turned upside down and in her mind I'm sure, it all started with the arrival of this new little person to our family. I've been a SAHM since DD1 was born so not only was she unsettled with all the upheaval, but she also had to share me with her new little sister. As a result, we've had a lot of jealousy issues and there is definitely not the lovely, close friendly bond I was hoping for, but now that we've been settled in our house for six months, I am starting to see some improvement.
I'm holding on to the hope that as the girls get a bit older, they will become super close. It is nice that they are roughly at the same stage of development so planning outings and activities is fairly easy as I'm not trying to cater to kids at two totally different stages. My sister and I are only 13 months apart and I love being that close in age to her, always have, and I am hoping the same will be true for my girls. It is hard in the early days (we're 15 months in and I still consider it hard a lot of the times) but I think it is going to be completely worth it!
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I like them being a year apart. I was and am still nursing big sis along with little guy. And feel like I'm not going crazy with 2 and am able to give my full love and attention to both. I like this age gap.
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I want my first to be toilet trained before I even think of TTC #2. My sister and I are 4 years apart and BFFs. I don't really have age on my side, but I'd be perfectly happy to be one and done if TTC #2 doesn't work out. I've always wanted a large gap, or to be one and done. Hats off to those of you who manage 2 under 2, or even 2 under 3! I'm pretty confident I couldn't do it.
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Before I actually gave birth I envisioned a 1.5-2 year age gap. But then once my LO came, I was no where near ready to start TTC at her 1 year mark or anytime after that. Our LOs will be right around 3 years apart and I think it'll be great. I'm glad that LO1 has had so much time with just me, and I'm hoping she will be a little helper.
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Mine are 21 months apart. I wanted them closer together in age, but it just didn't work out. So far I'm loving the age gap! Two in daycare is tough, but I'm looking forward to when they are both a little older and can enjoy many of the same activities. Plus caring for #2 has been a breeze because I still remember how to do all the baby stuff!
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I think whatever works for you and your family is great. For me, when friends started talking about ttc when our LOs hit the one year mark, it just sounded totally crazy to me. I feel like (for me) that's when I really started enjoying her and getting to know my toddlers personality and things were settling down a bit, and I just was not at all ready to throw myself into newborn days again. Luke others have said, it's a short period of time in the long run, when you have two (or more) little tiny kiddos, but I just needed a lot more time to warm up to it.
As it is our kids will be almost 29 months apart, and it's a little closer than we planned. I've felt so lousy with general first trimester stuff that it's harder to enjoy being with my adorable amazing but sometimes challenging toddler.
I do not think not giving your oldest enough time as an only child is a real concern. For me, I needed the time as a parent to just one, so it's for me, not her, if that makes sense.
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It's a very personal decision, so everyone's situation is unique. Someone posted this article a couple of months ago, that has *me* reconsidering spacing them out a bit more. Obviously, the article doesn't take into consideration all the different factors that are at play such as age, career plans, etc, but we are 27/28 when our first LO will be born in 3-4 weeks, so I don't feel as rushed to have number two.
http://www.theguardian.com/society/2014/jun/04/women-premature-birth-second-child-quickly
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I nursed for 1.5 years and wanted time off in between. I also wanted LO to be potty trained and in some sort of pre school program when LO arrived. They will be exactly 3 years apart, and I am happy with the age gap--I would have been ok even up to 3.5 years, but that would have meant having a winter baby and I wanted to avoid that. I cannot imagine having a newborn when LO was 1.5-2.5 years old--he was going through many difficult phases!!
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Mine are 26 months apart which is about what I was hoping for. It has proven to be pretty stressful for DH and I, and I probably would go for a 3 yr age gap if we end up having a third. I think it's been an issue of DS temperament, more than the age gap itself though.
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Assuming everything goes well mine will be 3 years, 4 months apart, which is just fine for us. I was able to stay home with E for 19 months and then go back to work and get settled. E is nearly potty-trained, and I think will be a big help when LO2 gets here. I know we're losing out of the "same-ish age/same-ish stage" part, but TBH, I don't think *I* could have handled two so close together. I wasn't anywhere near ready for a second (and even if I was, it would have been a moot point since D wasn't on board with a second until E was like 2.5 anyway...)
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DH and I both WOH full-time and two kids in daycare for that long would be ridiculously expensive. Aside from the financial aspect, two maternity leaves that close together would likely damage my career or at least set me back. I had to take a lot of sick days during LO's first year so again, it would look really bad at work for me to be taking off so much time for double the sick days.
I feel like a lot of the moms on this site who have kids super close together are SAHMs so a lot of the stuff I listed isn't a factor for them. Not sure which category you fall into so they may not be factors for you either.
Also, my LO didn't STTN until she was a year old so there's no way I would've had the desire to do some baby making when she was even younger than that. I also really enjoy spending one on one time with her...she's 21 months old now and things have gotten easier but many days are still a challenge. Being pregnant while dealing with her toddler-tude sounds awful.
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Until LO was born I wanted the shortest age gap possible, then things were a little emotional after birth and I debated on if we'd even have anymore kids.
Now I'm back thinking we can do this again and we are going to work for under 2. We won't start trying until LO is 9 months old.
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I would like for them to be 2.5-3 years apart, so I would like to wait until my son is 18 months to start trying again. My nephews are 3 years apart and it seems like a really good gap. They still get along great at 8 and 5 (as much as little boys can) and my sister said it was a pretty easy transition since at 3 he was a bit easier (in terms of caring for him, he wasn't a "baby" anymore). But I also have heard that it's just easier to have them in the same stages. It really is preference I guess!
We have to do IVF so that also makes me want to wait (I really have no desire to do it again) but it also makes me feel like I shouldn't wait (because who knows how long it will take to get pregnant again). We are also 33 and 36, so mah e we shouldn't wait. But, I'm also ok with being one and done if that's what's in the cards for me. Z was a miracle as it is and while I love him to pieces, the newborn stage really did a number on me and it made me reconsider how many kids I want. I'm just starting to feel like I want a 2nd at 8 months PP. So maybe in a few more months I'll feel even more like I want another and it'll move my whole timeline up.
My sister and I are 17 months apart and we are the best of friends. So I do see merits to both.
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@lawbee11: you make a good point. Since I sah by will return to work in some capacity once our youngest is in school, financially it is better for us to have them close together, since it's less time overall for me being out of the work force. On the flip side we will be paying two college tuitions at once at some point...
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Mine are 6.5 years apart. When D, the oldest, was little, I really wanted to have them less than 2 years. But, then after a divorce, single mom-hood, remarriage and loss, life made different plans for us, and I actually really appreciate the spacing between my sons. Big brother is actually very helpful!
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We originally wanted a 3 year age gap, but now that my LO is approaching her first birthday we have decided to start TTC in August (she will be 15 months). The things that changed my mind:
- I am a SAHM and plan to stay at home until the kids are in school. Having them closer together allows me to get back into the work-force sooner!
- I want (need) to have breast-reduction surgery after I am completely done nursing. Like the idea of this happening sooner rather than later.
- While diapering 2 might be a pain, the overall diapering time commitment will be shorter having them closer together.
- As my LO gets older she is SO MUCH fun! I would rather go ahead and get pregnancy (awful) and newborn babyhood over with sooner! -
Less than 2 years is my goal. I hope that if they are close in age they will be better friends.
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@mrsrain: These are a lot of my theoretical reasons for wanting them close together (even though LO#1 isn't even here yet)! Except I won't be SAHM, so daycare will be financially hard, but not so hard that we can't make it through that temporary situation.
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@mrscobee: When is LO#1 due? Sounds like you have a good plan, but if there is one thing to take away from this thread it would be that having a baby may completely change your plan!
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We wanted to wait until 18 months before TTC again because we read the same thing that @daniellemybelle mentioned, that it is healthiest for a woman if she gets at least 18 months to recover from pregnancy before getting pregnant again. Now that LO is 19 months, I'm glad we waited. I am in awe of people who do 2 under 2, because we are just barely making it with one. We're thinking of trying for an age gap between 2.5 and 3 years, and we still feel kind of crazy for thinking about it.
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We originally wanted about a 2 year age gap, but I think we'll end up with more like 2.5-3. When we had DS we had a much smaller and less expensive house. We've since moved and we realized there was no way we could swing daycare for 2 on top of everything else unless we waited a little bit longer.
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@mrsrain: I'm due in early September. I get that it could totally change my plan for sure
. And I get that no matter what my plan is, TTC could be difficult, although hoping it wouldn't take more than a few months like it did this time (4-5 months). DH and I always just envisioned having our kids close together, so even if I am miserable (with caring for the infant), I feel like I'll still just tell myself to go for it (that is if my body is ready physically and I'm able to get pregnant fairly easily again).
We did wait several years into our marriage to try for LO#1 based on the premise that we would try for 2-3 kids really close together and then be done, so we are pretty committed to trying to follow our plan
. I'm 30, and DH is 29, so we have time, but maybe not as much as if we had gotten started 3-5 years ago? It is amazing how many I know IRL who have like one a year for 3-4 years, and then they are done, and it all turns out fine, so we never thought our goals for 2-3 in quick succession were unreasonable, but then I started reading here more and realized it isn't always so simple!
But it sounds like from reading the comments there are many pros and cons to many different levels of spacing, and you just do what is right / possible for you and then make it work.
I think I am going to approach it that I am thankful for this first child, and then will try for another one when he is about 8-9 months old (barring anything major or unforeseen happening) and then I will go from there as far as making a decision about a 3rd...
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Well my first and second are nine minutes apart.
If we were to have a third it would be a long time down the line - like 3 years at least. We are sort of traumatized by the first year with twins with sleeping issues (exacerbated by eating issues) and need a break. I'm not done breastfeeding yet, but I want a good long break before I'd have to turn my body over to another human being again. I want to be able to eat and drink what I want without having to worry about it affecting my kids. Also, I would want my older kids to be old enough to enjoy a younger sibling, of that makes sense? Like have enough awareness to know they are getting a younger sibling and be excited. My friend had children 3 years apart and her son was just in love with the idea of getting a little sister. We are probably done so this is all moot, but my thoughts.
plus, it just gets harder the older you are!
. And I get that no matter what my plan is, TTC could be difficult, although hoping it wouldn't take more than a few months like it did this time (4-5 months). Subscribe to our newsletter
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