we are SO torn! our girls are 2 and 4. I don't want another winter or fall baby (school germs with a newborn).
so we'd have to start trying this summer for a spring baby.
my husband wants to try for a 3rd (going for that boy and all) but I'm so torn. I feel like things are "easy" right now (certainly not easy, but predictable lol!).
thoughts on what made you decide for or against a third?
pomegranate / 3127 posts
We're torn too. I'm not the most patient mom, we're not super young, and OMG, the financial cost in lost wages and day care.
But the other day, DD (18 months) was loving on a friend's baby in the most adorable way, and DS announced he wants a little brother. The kiddies have spoken 
I don't know what we'll decide in the end, but the idea hangs around in the corners of our lives and will not go away.
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
Yesterday I had a nice calm day with just my two girls. And then we went to pick up my son from daycare and my life felt full and complete again even though there was more chaos 
hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts
We were also on the fence, then got pregnant while trying to avoid....miscarried, but it made us realize that we wanted a third. Sometimes I still think we are crazy for pursuing it! I'll let you know how it turns out
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
You know my girls are almost identical to your girls, and I just feel like we need one more to feel complete. Life is hectic and crazy and fun right now, so in my mind why not throw one more in, they are only young once. 
We plan on starting in July/August for a late spring/early summer baby. Join me on the dark side 
nectarine / 2466 posts
My husband said that things just don't feel complete. I felt the same, like I just wasn't done so we went for it.
I'm due pretty quick and sometimes the thought of adding a third seems overwhelming ( my girls are 3.5 and just turned 2 so our spacing is close)but we knew we weren't done yet.
squash / 13199 posts
@sorrycharlie: we are two and through. I believe throughout the pregnancy for number 2 I just knew i wasnt going to go through this again, especially when we found out this baby would be a boy, we now have 1 of each gender.
I also had a difficult recovery after this repeat c-section and a very slow healing incision. All these things cemented the idea that I didnt want to go through it again. DH agrees that we are now the "perfect" family of 4 and we are done. Before marriage though I always thought I wanted 3
grapefruit / 4321 posts
Finances was our biggest decision on stopping at two kids. I want to be able to give my kids as many advantages as I can and I don't want to feel spread thin financially. Feeling stressed about money spreads to the whole family I think and I didn't want that. I would also really evaluate your motivations. If your husband is primarily motivated by trying for a boy, I would be very wary about going for another. Before my son (our second) was born, my husband said that if it was another girl we would have a third. I asked him "if the only way we had a third was if it was guaranteed to be a 3rd girl, would you still do it?" he said "no" and I said "then we're never having a 3rd baby". Trying for a gender is a risky risky game.
cantaloupe / 6086 posts
we talked about 3 for a long time and are now working on it. DH could definitely do without, we had been talking about it for 6 months and he finally said that he would try because it meant a lot to me and he wasn't sure he'd ever feel strongly one way or the other. maybe one of you needs to feel strongly? it's hard because his thought process was more rational (finances, time, etc) and mine was emotional (really feeling like we had more love to give, and I'm sure partially being sad my oldest is going to kinder in the fall)
cantaloupe / 6791 posts
I've always wanted three, but I knew if I spaced them out too far, I would never want to go back to the baby stage. Sooo our boys will be 3.5 and 21 months when little sister is born (and then we are DONE!) I just kinda felt like someone was still "missing" after my second was born, but now I feel at peace with the fact that this is my last pregnancy, baby, etc. I also tried to think long-term. Even though the little years will be hard, that's such a short time period in the grand scheme of things.
I'll let you know how crazy it is in a few months
persimmon / 1096 posts
We weren't actively preventing - I had my IUD removed in Jan 2016, I kept track of my cycle and tried to get pregnant for a few months, and then we started thinking "hey, this is getting easier with our first 2, maybe we are done." They were 2.5 and 1 when we had that discussion. We weren't sure about it, but we started thinking maybe 2 was it for us. About a month later I got a positive pregnancy test, so that decided it for us I'm glad it happened that way, because it wasn't a total oops but it was a tough decision once things started to feel calmer with our first 2 to willingly go back into the newborn craziness. And now that he's here, it's definitely crazy but I'm so happy we have 3.
pineapple / 12053 posts
We're each from families with 3 kids and that's always been our number. Never really a discussion. But we would be absolutely happy with 3 girls and would only try for a third if we wanted a third kid, regardless of sex of the baby. I don't think it's wrong to hope for a boy next but if that weren't husbands only motivation, I would have much longer discussions about it!
papaya / 10560 posts
We just went for it! Our kids were begging us for a little brother or sister and they will be amazing older siblings.
nectarine / 2878 posts
We've always wanted a lot of kids until we had DS1...it was more work and change than we thought it would be. However, we decided to go for a second and I couldn't imagine a different spacing between them, they are best friends (20 months apart). We talked about a 3rd for a while and knew we needed more spacing to afford daycare and just to have more margin with the first 2 kids so close. I made sure he was fully on board and when we looked 5+ years into the future, we saw more kids. We miscarried but that only solidified our desire to have a 3rd. 34 weeks pregnant with baby #3 and we cannot wait to meet him/her. We are just taking it one kid at a time, a 4th is still a possibility.
pear / 1961 posts
We basically both had the feeling that we could go either way -- we weren't totally sure we were done at 2 and probably wanted to at least try for a 3rd, but neither of us felt like we HAD to have a 3rd. Honestly, I think I felt a little more gung-ho about it than DH, whereas he felt a little more like we were tempting fate (previously had super smooth pregnancies, deliveries, healthy family, etc).
So basically we decided that we would TTC for about 4-6m and see what happens. At the end of that, we would re-evaluate whether we wanted to really keep trying (neither of us wanted to be much older with a newborn, didn't want to be too far out of the baby stage, etc) or just be all set.
And then we got pregnant two months before the TTC window started ha
It's great! We also have 4y and 2y girls, and we now have a 2m son. We were both actually nervous about having a boy since we knew what to expect with girls! But it has been wonderful, and we are so happy to have a 3rd. Things are a bit more crazy, but we're owning it
pomegranate / 3890 posts
We knew we always wanted more then two. The tricky thing for us was timing, we had no idea when we wanted a third but knew we did. Well that was decided for us when we had a surprise pregnancy. I think this this will be my last pregnancy but we e would like to do foster to adopt in the future as well so not our last child. I like the idea of four kids.
hostess / watermelon / 14932 posts
@Truth Bombs: oh totally. i'd fully expect a 3rd girl (that's the odds!) and he knows that too. he's on board regardless. I think I'd always hold out hope if I had two boys to one day have a girl, too, but obviously would love my kids regardless lol
nectarine / 2994 posts
I knew as soon as lo2 was born that I wanted a third! Dh was happy to go with what I wanted but we have both decided that this is definitely the last baby (which definitely makes me sad and I'm trying to make the most of this pregnancy). This one is a boy after 2 girls but we would've been happy with boy or girl!
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22276 posts
I had brief thoughts about a third but in the end decided no. A lot of it being financial and a real close second being sanity. The kids would have to share a room, got rid of all things baby so we would be starting over, we would both need larger cars. Things are good with two I like it how it is! I guess this just means things feel complete for us.
clementine / 874 posts
We're in an odd place where we aren't done with school or settled in the least, but I knew we wanted at least 4 kids so we got started early. It is rough financially to pay for daycare, college tuition and everything else in our savings goals and budget, but it is doable (and more importantly temporary!).
Why 4+? I had 5 siblings and DH had two. He never really bonded with his siblings and wants to give our kids lots of built-in friends And since we're watching his parents struggle to be active grandparents (they're older and have never been very healthy), we decided to get started early and keep them close together!
I'm not sure when we'll know we're done though. Maybe when I'm done wanting babies
pomegranate / 3350 posts
I would love 4 but DH wanted 2. I really want a big family full of love and chaos and since we have boys it seems like the more we have, the better chance at least one of them will marry a nice girl who will allow us to stay close. Totally stereotyping there but it seems like boys don't stay as close with their parents. The thing that convinced DH to go for it is the awful thought that if something were to happen to one of our kids the other would be alone. Neither of us could handle the thought of that happening. So I guess technically our third is an insurance policy of sorts? How morbid is that?
grapefruit / 4455 posts
@sorrycharlie: we haven't decided but we are weighing finances against the "complete" family and just wanting another. W have two fall babies and would be trying for a post-flu-season baby, too. But it did take over a year for baby 2 so who knows. I guess I'm also weighing my "freedom." I feel like it's so much harder to get out logistically with three than two.. I think we would have a hard time getting a babysitter. Of course that's temporary but all the logistics (cars, hotels, etc) seem harder with three!
pomegranate / 3601 posts
We just felt that our family wasn't complete although sometimes thoughts of "wow this is getting easier" started creeping in. Nevertheless we went for it and ended up with kiddos #3 & #4. Now we wouldn't change it for the world.
nectarine / 2951 posts
I wanted to post an opinion that supports stopping at 2.
We are done at 2. We wanted 2 and both have decided to stop at 2. We're turning 37. We live in a very expensive area and adding a third is just so expensive! More daycare, a bigger car, more college to save for. I have 2 boys and even the doctors were saying, "See you when you try for a girl!" as we were leaving the hospital!
pomegranate / 3768 posts
Deciding to have a third was such a hard decision for us! We could have gone either way. We were happy with 2 girls (4y and 1.5y). I didn't feel like someone was missing. We would have been completely happy if it were just our two girls. But then I look at our girls and love seeing their bond and I started to wonder wouldn't it be great to give them one
more sibling...one more person for them to play with, grow with, and love. We decided to not try and not prevent for a few months and leave it to chance. Now I'm expecting our third and we couldn't be happier!
pineapple / 12793 posts
The decision for three was made for us.
Deciding on four is proving to be more difficult. We're in a groove with three where it's getting easier and I'm getting a bit of time to myself. It'll be hard to give that up again. If we do it I want it to be soon so our age spread doesn't get too far. On the other hand I just don't really want to be pregnant again just yet. Waiting a year feels right, but I worry by then I'll just be happy wearing pants that button and not want to go back.
blogger / pomelo / 5361 posts
We knew we wanted a number 3, but waffled on having 4, so that's the decision I'm describing. I'm not sure this is helpful, but . . .
--We thought we might regret not having another one, but we knew once another kid was actually born, we would never regret having it.
--We still kind of felt like we were't complete, someone was missing, etc.
--We were okay with having four boys, but we did think it would be nice if it happened to be a girl.
--I'm super close to one sibling, but not the other, and part of me feels like having more than one sibling just gives you more of a chance of having one that you really connect with.
--This wasn't in the decision making, but I'm throwing it out there anyway. The twins were to young to understand or be excited about a new baby when I was pregnant with Graham. This time, they're OBSESSED. I'm so excited for them to be old enough to actually know what's happening, to remember her being born, etc. I know that's not a reason to have another, but it is something nice to look forward to.
-- Most of the families I know that were larger have SO much fun as adults when everyone is together. Tons of cousins, tons of laughter, just fun. It's crazy chaos, but it seems like that much more support and help in the good times and bad, and I like to think our kids will have that.
And as for our third:
The first year was insane (but the twins weren't even two when Graham was born). Now, (G is 2, twins are almost 4) having three is really no big deal. The twins are definitely easier for me to deal with but that's because I just don't love the toddler stage at all, so I'm ready for Graham to hit 3).
pineapple / 12053 posts
@Mrs. Blue: wait wait wait!! what?!?!?!?! you're pregnant with a girl?! where have i been?!
@oliviaoblivia: um, is it weird that i thought recently, oh, it's almost time for {you} to be getting KU again! just a few more weeks til your month arrives.
pineapple / 12793 posts
@birdofafeather:
You're due to be trying soon too aren't you!?
pineapple / 12053 posts
@oliviaoblivia: it's the great debate, but it looks like DH is going to start at a new department next month, so baby #3 is gonna be put on the back burner for a bit while we navigate that change! it's a bummer, but i think if we can hold off (we're both ready this time!) until he's through training, we'll all be much happier/less stressed.
blogger / persimmon / 1231 posts
Another vote for the "we just didn't feel complete." I was excited both to see if we'd have a boy or end up with 3 sweet girls! Not sure if this baby will help us feel "complete" but we will see!
blogger / pomelo / 5361 posts
@birdofafeather: hahaha! It's all true: yes, knocked up, and yes, it's a girl! I've been posting just on my due date thread, but a blog post went up earlier this week, too. We're super excited. And also, I need you to teach me to dress girls because I'm always dying at your IG pics!
olive / 55 posts
We had two boys 16 months apart.. easy pregnancies and perfect healthy babies. Any time anyone asked if we were done my answer was I just wanted to wait until my youngest was 2 so I couldn't really enjoy him as a baby and then decide. When he turned 2 my husband and I went to Vegas (no kids) and then were suppose to officially decide when we got home. He felt content with his 2 boys and didn't think we should push our luck. I wasn't ready to make a final decision and was leaning towards #3 but wasn't sure if it was truly bc I wanted a third or if I just wanted my husband to say yes (if that makes sense?). He just said he was ok with whatever I decided but I hated not having a firm yes from him. We ended up putting the conversation on hold over the summer and then by end of Aug I was sick of being in limbo about it. I honestly stressed about making the right decision constantly and my brain said 2 but my heart wanted one more. One day I just up and went to Costco and bought a jumbo bottle of prenatals and called my OB to get my IUD removed. I immediately stopped feeling so stressed and slept better than ever at night lol. Less than 2 weeks later I was pregnant and our baby girl is due in June She will be 3 years younger than my youngest son and I'm grateful for the age difference ... I think it will make life easier because it was complete chaos with the boys 16 months apart (but I love their age difference now, they are almost like twins!). We are buying a bigger SUV and have enough bedrooms for each kid to have their own so that luckily wasn't an issue.
papaya / 10560 posts
@Mrs. Blue: WHAT?! congrats!!!!! That is super exciting. I have to read the blog post!!!
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