Hellobee Boards

This is an interesting thing to think about. With your friend I would just keep on going the way you are, be supportive of her but maybe not go out of your way to encourage her to spend her life savings.

With kids though I am all about being supportive of their interests. I was listening to a podcast yesterday (Happier with Gretchen Rubin) and she was talking about what activities made people happy when they were years old. She had a bunch of examples of how people's favorite activities as a child played into their careers later. Her sister wished she had watched more TV and is now a TV writer, one guy talked to himself in the mirror and is a news anchor. So maybe your kid can't carry a tune but will wind up being an executive at a music label.

A child I used to nanny for loves sports but frankly he is awful at them- largely due to a medical condition but they don't let you play on varsity because they feel bad for you. However, I would never discourage his interest, for one, it's good to get exercise and if you like an activity you should do it! Also, he has an amazing brain for statistics, maybe one day he will use his love of sports and his brain for statistics and put them together for a great career.

My perspective might change if they are trying to get into Julliard and can't play a note or something like that where they have a specific goal as opposed to a specific interest. I think usually at that point they are old enough to understand though that there are varying degrees of talent. I also am not likely to have been telling them they are the best piano player ever, praise would be more like "you have been practicing a lot lately and I can hear improvement."

I think it's good to be supportive, but at some point, you have to be realistic. I really wanted to be an author growing up. I read a ton of books and loved writing stories. But when it came time to apply to colleges, my parents really made me think about my options and definitely pushed me away from doing an English major. I'm sooooooooooooooooo thankful that they weren't just blindly supportive of me and forced me to think realistically about my skills and ambitions and what would actually make a good career for me. Instead of doing English, I majored in Computer Science and now am a Software Engineer and I LOVE it. So thankful they didn't just let me do what I originally wanted!!

I think it's great to encourage all interests from a young age. I think once someone is older, constructive criticism is fine. Otherwise we have this generation of adults who can't be told that they need to improve at some things! And i think that's an important lesson--you cannot be a star at EVERYTHING. Everyone is great at something, though, you just have to figure out what it is. And you do that by following your interests and trying everything. But, again, not really a lesson for childhood

I think *most* people know when they are good vs bad at something, though, when they are not children. There will always be people who put their head in the sand about it, though.

@Adira: that's interesting, because I was an English major and I'm doing exactly what I never knew I always wanted to do And I'm so happy my parents believed in me and my interests and didn't try to push me into a career where they though I might make more money.

As it is, I make decent money and I only work 10.5 months a year and am off every day at 3:15. For me, it's a win-win.

I definitely wouldn't discourage my children from following their own path, as long as they HAD a plan and it seemed realistic.

@Anagram: haha, well, you might be very different from me! My parents knew I was kind of materialistic and would want the $$$, so they pushed me to take that into consideration, and I'm glad I did!

Mike Rowe, the guy from Dirty Jobs, tells a story about how his grandfather, whom he absolutely adored, was a talented carpenter and he wanted to do the same work. So his grandfather and him spent hours and hours doing woodworking and his grandfather helped him as much as possible. But he was terrible at it. Mike says the best advice he ever got was when he was like 16 or 17 and his grandfather lovingly told him he should find a different line of work.

I agree you should let kids pursue their personal interests with regards to extracurriculars or even class choices in middle school and high school, but I do think if a kid says at 16 or 17 that they want to be a professional (insert career) that they are just not that good at, I have an obligation as a parent to help them look at the situation carefully. Decisions you make at that point affect college choices (or whether to attend at all) and majors and I think that's a huge decision to make on a whim.

Perhaps I would find a mentor in that profession he/she could apprentice with, or help them meet people in the industry to see what it takes to succeed in that line of work, or encourage them to try their hand at the work part-time first. Perhaps an Etsy store, for instance, to see how it goes. This would be in addition to teaching my kids about money, savings, retirement, budgeting, how compound interest, student loans, and mortgages work, which would happen regardless. I'd need my kids to see how they might actually make a living and support themselves doing the work they want to do. I'd hope that by that kind of real life experience my kid would decide on their own that there's work they are better suited towards.

I do agree that personal interests can help you in life even if it doesn't become your main profession. Personal story: I wanted to go to cooking school in high school because I loved food and cooking at home. My very traditional Korean parents were not okay with that, but my parents were pretty smart about it. My mother explained to me that I didn't have to make a personal passion a career and that the Culinary Institute of America was not going to give me the kind of financial aid and scholarships that traditional colleges would and that even if I excelled, I would spend years on my feet washing dishes and peeling potatoes before getting to do any kind of cooking. While paying off private culinary school loans. And that I would work horrible hours, get paid next to nothing, and even if I succeeded at at the fine dining level, I probably wouldn't be able to have my own restaurant unless I went into crazy debt or become beholden to a high power investor. She then also put in the kicker: if I went to college and found that I still had a burning passion to be a chef, then she wouldn't say a word if I wanted to go to culinary school.

So I made a personal decision to go to college on scholarship as a political science major and worked part-time for several years in the kitchen of a well-regarded dining establishment. I learned a LOT while getting paid relatively well. I honed my cooking skills, but I also learned that not only did I NOT have what it took to be a star chef, I did not want to do that work full-time.

However, I did learn enough to set up a part-time small business as a personal chef that I ran for 6 years while working full-time in Washington, DC. And then I became an attorney. While I took on big loans for law school, I was able to do it without as much stress because I paid virtually nothing for undergrad. So thanks, mom.

@deerylou: well said!

I don't have kids yet so am not qualified to answer in that context, but I do have some personal feelings on the subject. My parents were super supportive of anything I wanted to do. I went to prestigious prep schools because my dad was an administrator, so college seemed like a given, which I'm thankful for. I originally planned on Vet school, but I also had a very strong passion for dressage (horses). After college I decided it was now or never, and took an apprentice type position with a top trainer, putting off vet school. I wanted to see if I was good enough to be a trainer myself.

One thing led to another. I was good enough, much to my surprise. I spent most of my 20s working my ass off and riding everything I could with some of the best trainers in the country. I started my own business, got some clients, had some competition success, all with the constant support of my parents.

It all sounds great, but I found that the more I did it, the less I liked it. The people are brutal, the horses often poorly treated, and the clients don't necessarily appreciate honesty and kindness. Most of all, though, I got scared.

Fast forward a few years, and here I am, 33 and just beginning to figure out what I might want to do with my life, wildlife biology. I don't ride at all at the moment. I don't know that it would've made a difference, but sometimes I wish my parents had guided me a bit more. Maybe offered suggestions that turning your passion into your career can have negative aspects too.

My parents seemed to find a good balance of not discouraging or encouraging any great plan I had. I hope to be the same and let my daughter find her own path. Even. If she starts out with a degree that's not that useful it's not the end of the world, people rarely stick to one career now anyways .