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I try to remember how I'd like to be approached for a mistake. With that said, I think that it's appropriate to share your feelings, and have your partner be receptive.
I usually preface things with, "I know we both work so hard for the house to run smoothly, but we really need to talk about this ..." - Sometimes it turns out to be a fight, but usually it's ok.
I'm sorry that happened to you. That's gotta be so frustrating!!
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If you feel like you overreacted (not saying you did), you could always apologize to him about your response. Reiterate how it would have made your commute more convenient and express that it was just so important to you. I'm sure he'll apologize, and even though the parking spot is gone, you'll both feel better that it's settled a bit.
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I'd have a hard time cooling off from that one. I'm really sorry.
DH is absentminded and lazy. He never checks his mail. I should just do it for him but I feel weird opening someone else's mail.
So I finally do a couple weeks back and found tax refunds from last year totalling a few thousand dollars. Like wtf how do you forget about a few thousand dollars?
Like @mfalady said we're playing the long game. I breathe deeply and think of ways I can change myself so that either I take care of something myself or find a way for it to not bother me.
In your case it'll be deep breaths every day which sucks but I'm sure he's sorry and you'll find a way to like him again. 🙃 -
I would be so mad in your situation, but in all honesty there are times when I let DH down too and he's really upset.
Over the years I have learned if it's something I can do myself just do it because waiting on him is just aggravating. DH hasn't quite learned this himself and thinks of me as what feels like an assistant. Example he received a new work phone and was supposed to return the old one. After two months he was reminded that he hadn't returned the old phone. He asked me to send it and gave me the Corp account info for billing. Well, I didnt do it the very next day. The implication of me waiting until day two was that we had to spend $60+ out of pocket for it get whereever it needed to go. He was very upset that a) he was on another list and b) I didn't do what he asked quickly. Later when he was less upset he admitted he wished he remembered to send the phone back on his own- me too.
We all drop the ball sometimes.
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Ummmmm, I would be so flipping angry!!!
Step 1 would be to lose. my. marbles. and be angry. Fo' sho.
Step 2 would be to verbalize why I was angry - perhaps an email, or perhaps a calmer conversation. I'd probably feel like I wasn't heard, that the things I said were important to me don't matter to him, that it makes me feel so upset that he'd be so careless about something that requires his wife to walk half a mile, rain or shine, while grinding it out at work full time, and now I'd have to keep doing it for another year or more.
Step 3 I'd definitely create some bright-line rule about the mail. His and her mail bins would be my first thought. Anything with my name on it, goes in my bin, period. Anything with your name on it, goes in your bin. I don't care if my mail has been sitting there for a year, don't touch it. -
@Happygal: that is a beautiful way to look at it and I agree!
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@Corduroy: oh no I'm so sorry!! I hope there's something you can do..
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@mrsjyw: yeah I think my scream/cry flip out was def intensified because he got defensive!! Lol.
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@Anagram: thank you!! Yes I think the hard part is keeping emotions in check so you don't upset the other person too much.. But at the same time it can be good to get mad!
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@littlejoy: good point and I definitely recognized his contributions ( of which there are many, maybe even more than mine!) once I calmed down.
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@oliviaoblivia: haha! Yes, deep breaths.
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I know, you're totally right that we all drop the ball sometimes. It's a good thing to keep in mind when you're the one feeling "wronged". That story about your dh's work cell sounds frustrating! I'm like him and I hate doing stuff like that too so I can totally relate.
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@gingerbebe: ugh don't remind me! It's such a horrible part of my commute and I am just so upset that it could have ended but didn't only because DH hates dealing with the mail and did not follow my system of leaving each other's mail out for review. You've actually come up with the best suggestion so far with the his and hers mail bins!!! I can't believe I hadn't thought of that. It's genius because it eliminates the mess which he hates and it is fool-proof as far as letting me review my own mail. Thank you!
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@oliviaoblivia: This is my DH exactly with mail, have had very similar experiences. I don't feel weird checking his mail, I just don't want to because I have enough to do already, but I do want to cash checks and pay bills. If there's a way to get him to do it, I haven't found it... I am the sole keeper of the mailbox key, exactly to avoid him tossing my mail into the mess on his desk.
@Modern Daisy: This sucks, so sorry this happened. Is there anything your husband can do to make your commute better? Do you live in a major urban area? If so, there might be uber pool (shared uber) you can take from the parking lot to your office, and it shouldn't be more than $2 or $3, maybe less, unless they jack up their prices. I would make my husband pay for it (then again, we have separate finances). Or maybe he could buy you a folding bike that will easily fit in the back of your car if the traffic permits cycling, not that this helps in winter...
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I like the grace stuff...but this warrants a legit apology. Unfortunately it is impossible to get an apology from a defensive person
I think if you want a true apology you should let it go and let him come to you. I also think you should buy yourself a new winter coat and a really nice umbrella. Or rain coat, headphones, whatever, as a treat for getting over this and enduring the walk for another year. I think the grace stuff is good but it is hard to stuff our disappointment and you don't want to create a dynamic where you are parenting your spouse. So for me this means finding a non-argumentative consequence.
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