pomelo / 5720 posts
One in between DS and DD at 10w.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
I am really curious about the 90% stat, because I'm 40, have a child and never had a miscarriage. But I've also been on the pill for over 10 years, didn't actively start TTCing until I was 34, concieved on our first try and stopped after 1 live birth. I feel as if we'd contined to try to expand our family, our chances of miscarrying would have increased.
Is it 90% of all women of childbearing age that are actively TTCing, or 90% of all women of childbearing age?
pomegranate / 3895 posts
I have not had one and I count myself very lucky.
I think people are reacting to the use of unicorn because it is not in keeping with the post. Just as was mentioned above, defying odds doesn't mean you are a unicorn - and you sure as hell don't want to be called one, especially when you are on the shitty end of them. Call a spade a spade, if you haven't had a miscarriage you are damn lucky.
@looch: Here was an article I found that was interesting:
(I know about.com isn't exactly WebMD, but I did verify the stats elsewhere and this article consolidated them all)
cantaloupe / 6206 posts
@looch: I think it's if you ask a bunch of women who are done having kids, it'll be 90% of them. I was in your shoes at this time last year (one pregnancy and one birth), but since we decided to have a second, that's when I got to count myself in the 90% stat. Most of the people here who voted "none" are probably not finished having kids, I would guess? So may still end up with one, sadly. I wonder if all of us polled our moms and grandmas what the numbers would be.
@LBee: ? You lost me I used the term unicorn because I believe women who have never had/will never have a miscarriage are in a very lucky minority. Unicorn is a positive thing.
@JoJoGirl: I guess my point was that in something that is so prevalent, it feels weird to say "YES, I'M A UNICORN, LOOK AT ME!!!" in a very heavy post. I get that you were trying to keep it light, though. It just obviously wasn't going to stay that way.
@LBee: Ah. Nah I didn't have any attachment to the "tone" of the thread - but I did feel the need to acknowledge that people who have never had a miscarriage ARE in a lucky minority, whether they realize it or not.
@JoJoGirl: Not sure, I mean, the poll percentages don't match up with the 90% stat. According to it, of the 175 voters, the majority have voted they've never had a miscarriage.
eta: I am bad at math, lol. 45% voted none, those with one ore more at 55%.
@looch: Actually no. 78 of them have not had a loss, which is 45% - hardly a majority. Plus that assumes everyone in the "none" category will never TTC again for the rest of their lives. Which I doubt. I imagine it would look different if you asked a bunch of women in their 50s/60s who are done having kids.
@JoJoGirl: But the "lucky minority" as you put it, might not really be so lucky. On the surface, I might look so, but in reality, I was in a bad relationship the majority of my childbearing years and when it was over, I really thought that I was out of the game so to speak, in becoming a mother.
You're right, I wasn't being careful when looking at the poll...math isn't my strong suit. But regardless of the numbers, the goal should be information and education, right?
@looch: Huh? I'm talking about being lucky in *never having had a miscarriage*. Not lucky in all of life.
@looch: I agree.
@LBee: But not having a miscarriage IS A GOOD THING. I don't get why this is so complicated. It's like saying you've never had your heart broken in a relationship. Or never known anyone who's died. It's rare and very GOOD.
@JoJoGirl: You're right, it is a good thing, let's leave it at that.
Let's all remember that this is the internet, it's hard to read tone and anyone's post has the ability to stir up negative feelings, regardless of intent.
wonderful grape / 20453 posts
Only on HB does a post about MISCARRIAGE get people's panties in a bunch. For THREE pages. Holy fucking hell, people. It's about miscarriage. Nothing else.
also I doubt this is reassuring to the OP.
PS being a unicorn is awesome. I'm a unicorn in other ways. Rainbows and glitter!
hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts
@LBee: I don't think one has anything to do with the other. I've had losses as well as two high risk pregnancies (preterm labor in one at 30 weeks and asymmetric growth/IUGR in another). You can be lucky in not having had miscarriages, lucky in having all perfectly normal, uncomplicated pregnancies (again, probably rare), lucky in never having had your heart broken (rare), etc etc. I just don't get why unicorn is a bad thing, unless it is used in some derogatory way, which it wasn't.
The term itself came from what I see all the time on sleep sites- a "unicorn baby" ie one who sleeps through the night at 12 weeks, never needs to be sleep-trained etc. Rare and awesome.
Also there are plenty of people who have all of that - difficulty TTC, infertility, bad relationships, complicated pregnancies, traumatic births - AND HAVE A LOSS. Many in this thread. I consider myself a unicorn for being 38 and having never had infertility treatments. Doesn't make my loss suck any less.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
I haven't had a miscarriage (that I know of) and definitely count myself as extremely lucky, especially since I'm done having children.
Just want to say goodluck, @JoJoGirl:
eggplant / 11824 posts
@blackbird: Agreed. Really, do we need to have special hand-holding disclaimers around what was obviously light humor in a *miscarriage thread* for those who *haven’t* had a miscarriage because they don’t like being told that they are special and lucky for not having one? Seriously, are we adults here?
I have never had a miscarriage (that I know of). I am very lucky because of that, and from talking with friends and people here, I definitely feel in the minority of women. Maybe not when I was in my early 20’s, but I am definitely a pregnancy unicorn now. It is what it is.
grapefruit / 4321 posts
@yoursilverlining: @blackbird: AMEN. Only here would women get their feelings hurt over the fact that they haven't had a miscarriage...
nectarine / 2461 posts
@yoursilverlining: sing it, sister
pear / 1767 posts
I had my son three years ago and then two miscarriages in a row within the last 6 months. I seem to have prematurely developed a diminished ovarian reserve in the past couple of years so that may have something to do with it.
grapefruit / 4455 posts
Although I am not offended at all, I think "unicorn" just might not be sitting quite right with some because it's usually something that doesn't really exist, so in a way when you say that it might feel like it's negating their experience. Just a guess. I didn't think any of the comments really seemed all that offended though. But if anyone is all that offended they do need to just get over it!
pomelo / 5660 posts
cantaloupe / 6131 posts
I had 2 miscarriages before we had our son. It took 3 years from start to finish to have him. We are currently 19 weeks pregnant with our second.
@2littlepumpkins: ...negating their experience of *not* having a miscarriage?
Sorry to beat a dead horse here I am just thoroughly and deeply confused
pear / 1593 posts
@Crystal: both my miscarriages were after seeing heartbeat multiple times. It really just tore my faith in statistics away.
I also think the missed miscarriage statistics are very skewed, bc if the baby's heart stops beating there is going to be some period of time before the physical miscarriage where you could then discover on ultrasound, but that doesn't mean your body wouldn't have got the message soon.
@runnerd: Nooo That is so horrible. How devastating.
cantaloupe / 6791 posts
@runnerd: Yep. Mine was technically a missed miscarriage because I was 8w6d, but baby actually measured 1 day ahead at 9 weeks exactly with no heartbeat. I had no bleeding or symptoms of a miscarriage at all, but it had to have happened right before the ultrasound. Who knows when my body would have gotten the message (I had a D&C the next day).
Glad everything is going well for you, btw
@JoJoGirl: just like if they had trouble getting pregnant or just feel less "real" with regard to ttc or pregnancy worrying. Like they're being named fun of for not having had one? I dunno. These days people get offended at everything!
@JoJoGirl: and I wouldn't worry too much about it if I were you. As if you don't have enough going on right now! Hope it's all ok, and he worrying will soon be a distant memory!
grapefruit / 4028 posts
@runnerd: ️ I completely understand. All my fingers and toes are crossed for you.
pomegranate / 3768 posts
1 miscarriage and 1 chemical, back to back
clementine / 756 posts
I've never had a miscarriage (though I purposefully didn't test early so I wouldn't know if I had a super early loss) and I think we're done having kids so I definitely count myself very lucky.
I'm curious if anyone has any good resources about the lifetime miscarriage rate (chance that a woman will have at least one recognized miscarriage at some point in her lifetime)? I agree that 90% sounds high, but I don't really know. And a google search has come up with numbers from 25% to 66% but not from super reliable sources. And I didn't find much in a quick Pubmed search either. Just curious if anyone has found any good data.
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