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I truly believe this isn't something you can predict until you're in the situation. You may end up wanting people there all the time or you may not. I think your best bet at this point is to make it clear that you will be setting boundaries that you deem appropriate once the baby arrives. Then you will just need to stick to your guns and not worry about hurting people's feelings so your needs are met. Your husband can run interference with his family. If you're nursing, you will have plenty of opportunities to excuse yourself to feed the baby (or say that's what you're doing and go hide upstairs!)

My mom sounds like your parents, but she lives far away and came for 10 days. She was surprisingly very respectful of our time and it was a non issue even though I reqly worried about it.

Try not to worry about it too much, it will all work out! If people get upset you ask them to leave, that's on them not you.

Just to say that if your in-laws are visiting for 3 weeks, make sure they are helping out around the house for you. Having to entertain guests when you have a newborn is a pain in thebutt so ddon't feel awkward about asking them to pitch in.

My mom stayed for a week when E was 10 weeks old. She wanted to help. She nagged me for having a dirty home, not btrastfeeding, and not treating her like a guest. I had no idea it was going to be as bad as it was until she was here. I was also still so hormonal and overwhelmed, that I didn't even know how to handle the various situations that would pop up-her putting my kid to sleep the way I said NOT to, arguing with me about everything, etc. I truly feel like I was grossly taken advantage of. Her staying in the house was extra difficult because she was always there over my shoulder to criticize. Maybe if your in laws aren't staying with you, you can tell them no visitors before X in the Morning. My MIL came over a few days a week, and while it felt like very often, she always called to see if it was a good time. Im sure my mom's visit would've gone better if DH had been here, so talk to him about this. My mom will argue to high Heaven with me about putting a baby to sleep on its back, but it DH says it, she's not going to push it much
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Next time, i am making a list for help. "Helping" is not coming over and taking the baby so that I can cook and clean for everyone.

@blackbird: "Helping" is not coming over and taking the baby so that I can cook and clean for everyone.

THIS. If anyone calls to say they are coming over and "do you need anything", I would certainly have a list ready to go. Any items from the grocery store, any meals you need prepped, any household chores you need done (garbage/recycling going out, dishes done, living room vacuumed), anything at all.... you could let them know before they come over. If they are a good friend/close family, they will be thrilled to pitch in in a meaningful way. If not... maybe they will only stay for 10 minutes and be on their merry way. Either way, you win Or maybe you need someone to hold the baby while you shower, take out the dog (because YOU need some fresh air or 5 minutes to yourself), or something like that. I found that it's much easier to just lay out your needs/expectations before the visitors get there than to silently submit to your visitor's wishes.

@MrsBananaGrabber: I don't think your in-laws will be too much of an issue if they aren't staying with you and aren't generally pushy. I understand your concern about wanting time with the baby alone, but my guess is that you'll be getting that during the night/early morning. You might find it nice to have them there during the day so that you can catch up on your sleep, get out of the house, etc. I think, as PP have said, the key is to have your DH on board with letting his parents know if there are times when you need more space, etc. I think if you want some time alone with your family of 3, it would be fine to say so. I would try your best to let go of any ideas about needing to entertain your in-laws. I had that concern when my in-laws visited, but I just told myself that they were adults and could entertain themselves... there were mainly there to see the baby.

With you parents, I'd try not to worry too much about it until you see what happens. Hopefully your mom is just kidding about waking the baby. If they are too intrusive, I would tell them that it's not a good time for a visit and suggest another time. I wouldn't give any reasoning, because that might give them something to debate with you. (e.g., you: we're too tired for visitors right now...mom: well that's ok, we can watch the baby so you can sleep. you: the baby has had a lot of visitors today already. mom: but baby hasn't seen grandma). I'd just keep repeating like a broken record that they'll need to come another time.

To answer your specific question, we didn't have a lot of visitors. My parents stayed with us for 2 weeks before baby was born and another 10 days after. They were a big help and it didn't bother me at all to have them there. They cooked, cleaned, and woke up with me in the night to offer moral support.

My in-laws came a few weekends in a row in the beginning and stayed with us.

I had a few friends come over 1-3 weeks after the baby was born. I was excited to see them and I didn't feel like it was too much.

I think it definitely depends on your wishes and the relationship you have with both sets. We live near both our parents. Inlaws were over a lot bringing us food, etc. my mom actually stayed with us for a week while I recovered to be an extra set of hands and both DH and I loved having her. The first month or so I couldn't have done it all without having both our parents' helping hands.

None of our family is local so I knew that any visit meant overnight visitors. I knew I didn't want overnight visitors the first few weeks because I planned to breastfeed and I didn't want to feel bad or awkward about pulling out my boobs to feed my baby around the clock. Also I just sort of wanted DH and I to figure out how we were going to handle things while he was on leave so that it wasn't so much of a shock when he went back. So I told all the parents we didn't want any visitors for 2 weeks. My parents could (and did) drive down and stay at our house while we were at the hospital and I ended up having a c section so I asked them to stay the first two nights while I was still getting more mobile so everything wasn't on my husband. But then they left. My inlaws didn't come for a few weeks. Even when my MIL did come when LO was 3 weeks old it was incredibly hard to have her in our house for 10 days. I didn't want to breastfeed in front of her. I was having some complications from my c section. I was feeling like I couldn't have any privacy because I wasn't allowed to do stairs very much and our bedroom was upstairs so I couldn't get away. It's a hard situation because I know and understand grandparents want to meet the baby while they are still tiny, but if they are staying with you-- it is hard to manage.

ETA: I did ask my mom to come stay with me a week between when dh went back to work and my MIL came (when dh took off again). I still couldn't do stairs very much and it was hard for me to take care of LO all by myself at that point. I was really grateful to have her that week. But having anyone other than my mom was/would've been stressful.

@MrsBananaGrabber: we also did things like theater--even though they'd been, they hadn't seen that show (and I could get super cheap tickets through work). Also, restaurant reservations--again, even though they'd been there, totally worth doing again and having them bring you a carry out order

Good luck! I hope it works out

I am an extremely private person in some ways and I would absolutely put my foot down about visitors. When my first LO was born, we lived far from both sets of parents. My ILs insisted on coming (transatlantic trip) when my DS was 10 days old. They stayed with us for 4 nights out of 7. It was a NIGHTMARE. I was a hormonal WRECK and having major BF issues and, while they are nice people, I just absolutely didn't want them intruding on our time with our new baby. MIL wanted to hold the baby all the time, but *I* really wanted to hold my own baby and felt resentful for having to share him and having to put on a happy face/entertain guests when I was feeling like a wreck. When my 2nd LO was due, MIL wanted to come again to help with LO1, but I had such a bad experience the first time that I told DH to tell them they couldn't come until the baby was at least a month old, which they respected.

You never know though, maybe you will appreciate having extra hands. It kind of sounds like you are already very leery though. In your situation, I would probably set pretty firm rules about visitors, make them schedule times with you and not just drop in on a whim, and of course, make them work/help out or bring groceries/baby supplies when they do arrive.

@Mrs. Tricycle: super idea!

@MrsBananaGrabber: it was. I'm still angry about it and its been almost two years. BUT now I know how to deal this second time around I'm not going to be shy asking my MIL to pick up dinner while she comes over. Or disappearing to take a bath while she's here. Or telling my mom she's welcome for a "long weekend", not a week plus. E was in the NiCU for a week, which complicated things. I was very upset when people would show up to spend time with her, but I couldn't, because I had to pump and stuff. But that was a unique situation. If feeding her is complicated, I also plan on asking the guests to leave. I'm not a fan of being inconvenienced in my own house. With people like your mom, being firm is the best approach. I get painted as a bitch for it, but I honestly don't care anymore.

@MrsBananaGrabber: Sorry, somehow I missed that! Along with PP, sending them on little excursions or to try out a restaurant or something is a good idea.

This is something I'm really worried about too, so I'm glad you asked. Some of the advice on here will really help me I think. When my cousin had her baby last year my family was at her house nearly every day, fighting over who would get to hold her. As I told DH, *I* am the only person who has an automatic right to hold her. (And him too, but he'll be back at work pretty quickly.) And my dad's side will probably all come up at some point, and it'll be the same thing. I know people love cuddling new babies, but they don't get to keep mine away from me! And I'm a VERY solitary person, so having people over will stress me out, and they're going to have to accept that.

@MrsBananaGrabber: Our family isn't local. I knew I'd want time. We had 2 visitors during the first week (our best friend and her hubby). They were more than invited and only stayed a short while.

I was very vocal about no other visitors until 1 week pp. My mom visited at 2 weeks, MIL at 4 weeks. Other than that, visitors were limited. Anyone staying for more than a few hours needed to have their tdap up to date and wash their hands.

And, no one was here without a task. Sounds cold, but I didn't have a baby for other people to hold, ha.

I was nice about it ... When friends texted about coming over, we would be honest if we weren't ready. For family, it was easy since they don't live here. You've received some great advice here. It's important you and your husband are on the same page.

@MrsBananaGrabber: I was SO worried about this, too! I thought my mom would weasel her way in every day and drive us insane. She hasn't at all and I think it's mainly because I'm honest with her and tell her how hard nursing is and its best if we're alone for feeding time. I also tell her that I'm longing for time with my husband. She gets it and backs off. Just be honest with them. It's not too early to start dropping hints about how you want visiting to work. Then, lay down the law as your due date gets closer. You have to do what's best for you. They'll understand even if they put up a fight.

@MrsBananaGrabber: I was firmly in the "I want no one around me" camp. My mother ended up coming to "help" 2 weeks after my first was born because DH had to be away for 2 weeks. But that "help" was only holding the baby while I was awake and fixing dinner, pumping, etc. I couldn't have her help much further, because she's unhealthy and it would have tired her out. I cried more in those two weeks than any other time in pregnancy and up until now combined. And on the sense of entitlement, I remember my mother telling me that she was going to open my college acceptance letters first because she "deserved it". I've been graduated from college for 13 years and that STILL pisses me off that she felt she had the right to all of my hard work. And that pales in comparison to your mother feeling entitled to your baby.

So I'm going to take a hard-line stance on this. If you know she is going to stress you out, then she's not invited over for more than a couple hours until the kid is at least a month old. And have an outlet for your stress...someone who is willing to just listen.

@MrsBananaGrabber: My situation is a bit different in that I don't really consider my mom or my in-laws to be "visitors", and they are all really helpful.

We just have a 2 bedroom condo, but my mom was here for almost a month (a week before and 3 weeks after LO arrived) and my inlaws also came and stayed my first week home from the hospital. So we had 5 adults and a baby in a 2 bedroom condo, haha.

But for me personally, it was heaven because I didn't have to cook one meal or clean one thing or do one load of laundry for the entire time they were visiting. They ran all the errands, held the baby when I needed a break.

I seriously had more showers, wore more makeup, and slept better those first weeks than I did for the next year after they were all gone.

Other visitors we limited--just hour long visits or so, although we did have a couple friend over for dinner the night I got home from the hospital and that was nice. They stayed about 3 hours, but I had all the grandparents making the food, doing cleanup, and helping with the baby so it was a breeze.