Hellobee Boards

@blackbird: I feel lucky when people talk about their families! It's not that any of us are perfect, but all the annoyances are minor I guess. Minor enough to be outweighed by the benefits, anyway!

We're actually thinking about renting an apartment nearby after LO #2 arrives, so my mom and in-laws (all retired) can take turns coming here for a couple of months and taking care of the babies when I go back to work.

I am 10 weeks along with my second and this has been on my mind since the beginning. With my first, I wish I had been more adamant about limiting the number of visitors from the beginning, but as a new mom, I had no idea what to do. We literally had family popping in the recovery room just as I had gotten there with the baby after my c-section and I would say we had numerous visitors every day at the hospital and in the week following at home. We have family in town and everyone wanted to see the baby at a different time and day. The hardest part was my parents visiting from out of town for a long weekend, even though they stayed at a hotel, they came over every day and all they would do is hold the baby or read/watch TV when I needed to nurse or sleep. They seemed to create more dishes and messes everywhere. Despite requests to do dishes, laundry, etc. it never got done and I was the one doing dishes while my mom held the baby! And my husband actually ended up cooking for us each night because my parents even got lost trying to go pick up a pizza one night. It was very frustrating, and I like I said, I had no idea how to handle all of it. Trying to talk about how hard a time that was with my mom now, she says, "well, it seems like you guys had everything covered." This next time, I am seriously saying no visitors for the first two weeks we are home (hospital visits are okay with me since I will be there for four days and there is no house to worry about being neat and I can just hang out in my bed while we talk/hold the baby). If you miss the hospital visit, you will just have to wait until we are good and settled at home. As for my parents, I have no idea what to do since they expect to come visit again this time and "help." At least this time they will have my older daughter to help with and entertain. But if this time, I see my dad sitting out on the back porch in the sun reading his newspaper and enjoying his coffee all morning while the sink is full of dishes and I am PP mess, I am going to scream

@MrsBananaGrabber: I really don't think they do remember, even if they've had multiple children. My mum didn't offer me any help whatsoever and I feel slightly resentful after reading all these posts about parents who wanted to help out!

So with our first baby, I made the rule that no one could come for the first 4 weeks ish. My mom had to fly out so since he was late she was there at like 3 weeks but it was far enough. My husband was great and it was rough with him crying all the time. The in laws didn't bother to show up until he was 6 months old so I didn't have to deal with them. And my step mom came for two weeks when my husband went out of town sometime in the first 4 months. Luckily all situations really worked for me. I did need someone to baby sit my little guy at 4 weeks because I had to get out.

This time around I have people lined up for the first 3 months because I am going to work right away and daddy doesn't have FMLA. But having second one I know a bit more what to expect and am really happy with how it is getting set up. Again no inlaws only my family so I can be mean (and I have no problems with that).

I do think it's good to consider what you would like to have happen before the baby arrives. But maybe leave some room for adjustments once the baby is here. You never know how your birth will go, and if you will actually need more hands when the time comes. And I agree with everyone about having a list. Start making one now. It was exhausting making a list everyday for everyone that was in town when our little guy was born, but it was so helpful to have everyone occupied.

I'm considering how to handle this for baby #2. I wish I could say, "No visitors until 1 month" - but I feel like they all expect to be able to come to the hospital when he's born. I just really want the chance to have a better breastfeeding experience this time around. And I think that will require having no one else around. My mom was so distracting last time. And it was the holidays. And there was so much going on. No excuses, but it's just the way I feel about the experience first time around.

We definitely said no one stays here. But now that we have one child and another on the way, I'm not sure what it will be like with a newborn and if we will appreciate the extra hands to take care of our first son.

I didn't limit visitors, however if someone called and asked us if we were up for visitors, and we were not...I said so and suggested another time. My mom stayed with us a few days, she asked, and it appreciated it. And both moms took a few days off at work to help me after DH went to work, this was lifesaving as I was recovering from C-section. I think USUALLY most people can respect and read the situation enough when they know it's time to go.

As for the waking the baby comment, ahhh hell no! the baby sleeps when the baby wants to sleep, you can admire the baby, and if the baby falls asleep in your arms you can hold the baby, but do not wake the baby. I would make that very clear, I don't care if she's grandma.

@mrsbananagrabber- Acht, I completely missed that! Well, good luck managing your family! Take care of your and baby's needs first!!