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I didn't vote because its different for my parents & DH's parents. My mom sees my dd at least 4-5 times a week. My dd loves her nana and knows her very well. My dad sees dd every blue moon. He's seen her maybe 4 time since she was born and she's almost 16 weeks!

Dh's parents see her maybe once every two-three weeks. I really thought they would make a bigger effort since this is their first grandchild but they have only been to our house three times since she was born. We've visited them a couple of times, but I think they should make more effort if they want to see her.

Voted once a month for DHs parents, and a couple times a year for my parents.

She sees each set of grandparents about 3 times a week.

He sees DH's parents about 3x a month. We try to go to brunch with them once a week, or spend a weekend afternoon at their house (they live ~45 minutes away). My MIL is going crazy right now because we were out of town and then they've been out of town and she hasn't seen him in like 3 weeks.

My mom has seen him twice, once when he was born and again when he was 3.5 months old. She lives across the country, so it's much harder to see her.

My dad and stepmom haven't met him yet. They also live across the country, and I'm not planning a trip to see them. If they want to travel up to meet him they would be welcome in our home but I'm not making the trip for them.

@Cherrybee: I was super nervous about how it would all work, like you. Our families live so close and they constantly made comments about how they were always going to come over and my mom even thought she was going to "live" with us the first two weeks after LO was born. DD is the first grandchild on both sides so the families were thrilled.

The first three months were rough. We had people stopping by unannounced and my mom calling me crying once a week because she felt she wasn't seeing her grandchild enough. She thought that 20 minutes EVERY DAY "wasnt too much to ask." It was hard on all of us

However....now LO is 9.5 months and things are soooooooo much better. Now that she has a predictable routine it is really nice to take her to one of the grandparents some evenings to socialize and get a free meal. we also have recently started going on dates at night sometimes so one of the grandparents will watch her. On weekends, sometimes our parents will stop by and say hi. It is nice for us because they will usually bring us coffee or offer to watch her while we fold laundry or shower or do whatever. The grandmas also watch her 2x a week while I am at work.

I understand your concerns....it took us probably six months to get to this point. I needed to get into the groove of motherhood and the three of us needed to have some time to bond as a family before we felt so open with our time and schedule.

I would say that setting boundaries the first couple months is crucial. Your hormones will be so out of wack (I had a bit of the baby blues and it was hard on me emotionally when people just showed up out of nowhere). I don't think you should set up a schedule because that will make people feel shut out, but just let people know NO unannounced visits. Also, use the "baby and I need to sleep" excuse after an hour when people are starting to outstay their welcome. Something else that worked for me was when people called asking if they could come over, I would say "You know, today has been a long day (DD is fussy, im tired, whatever) but Wednesday at 3:00 works great for us." Make it work around YOUR schedule, not theirs.

One thing that really helped me be less possessive of my DD (not saying you re being possessive) is something I heard a 5-year old little girl say. She told me:

"Sometimes when I am at school and I really miss Sally (her daycare lady) I kiss my hand and pretend it is her kissing me. Then I feel better until I see her again."

It made me realize that extended family members, caregivers, etc. can become a huge part of kids' lives. The kids love them and adore them. By being possessive of my LO and limiting her time with others, I was robbing her of potentially very special relationships. I want her to know that bond that the 5-year old girl talked about aside from just her dad and I. Now that she is older and starting to remember people, it really made me want to "share" her.

Anyway, hope that helps. Your fears are soooo normal. Happy to help with any other questions regarding this!

@Cherrybee: go you! You have the right attitude.
One more thing.

One thing that cam about from me being more "open" with DD was her realizing that she is okay when I am not around. She has learned that she can still be safe and happy and fed when I am not with her. This has been such a lifesaver.

I remember reading on HB when I was pregnant and in the early months of LO's life moms saying how much they needed a break and how nice it was when grandparents came over to relieve them. I didn't get it! I loved being a mom and didn't want any help. But it took me a good seven months to finally realize that being a mom is rough. You can't sleep when you want to sleep. You can't always shower when you want to shower. It is exhausting. It is amazing to have people who your LO knows and recognizes to be there to help if you ever need it.

If I hadn't let LO spend time with the grandmas, then she would probably have some serious stranger danger when I left her with them (when I needed to go to work or simply grab a coffee to take a break). I wouldn't even be able to relax because I would know that she is crying/scared with people she doesn't recogniZe. Seeing her face light up when she sees her nana is such a burden off my shoulders. I can leave my LO and she is HAPPY. This is something you DEFINITELY want for your LO.

I am so sorry to talk so much.

My parents live close by (about a 15 min drive) so lo sees them pretty frequently (at least 2-3 x week). They absolutely adore her and go bonkers over her. Even if I'm tired, I'll take her over bc she lights up their life so much. She doesn't see my inlaws often bc they live across the country. I think she's seen then maybe 2-3x during her first year. Personally I think it's great to live near grandparents and have them be an active part of LO's life. They just all love and adore her so much, and I love knowing that she's surrounded by ppl who love her.

I have dinner with my parents every night. They live next door door so it seems silly for both houses to make food so I take care of it. We see my in laws 1-2 times a month. They live about 150 miles away so we try to see them as much as we can.

We see DH's parents every two weeks. I think it should be less often. My mom once a month, and my dad every couple of months.

We see my inlaws every Sunday at church and my MIL usually takes our daughter for 4-5 hours once a week or so. Sometimes she'll have something to drop off and will drop by sometime throughout the week but in general I would say twice a week for my inlaws.

She sees my dad more days than not because we stop by when we're out running errands or I need to get something from their house. My mom is our of town working for 3 months so she only gets to see her via Skype 3-4 times a week. When she is home it's generally daily.

She also sees my grandma 2-3 times a week because I'm her caretaker and I take my daughter with me when I go.

I had a close relationship with my grandparents growing up and really want the same for my daughter so we make it a high priority.

Both sets of grandparents live 90 minutes away from us, so they see LO twice a month on average. I wish we were a bit closer - maybe a 45 min drive instead so they could see him once a week if they would like. It just gets tough scheduling visits on weekends when we also want to see our friends once in a while.

My parents live about 25 minutes away and we get together every weekend or every other weekend, depending on everyone's plans for the weekends. My parents came over for dinner tonight and played with LO for a few hours, and next friday they are taking LO for the night so my husband and I can go out and have an evening alone.

My husband's parents live across the country. They each (divorced) come out for a long weekend every few months.

My parents are 1.5 hours away (over two mountain passes) and we go and visit for a couple days once a month or so. My inlaws live in Chile and can only visit every couple years for a month. Sad. I would probably see them all weekly if they lived in town

The in-laws: approx every 2 weeks
My mom: we're shooting for once a year (with her coming out to visit us to average it out). But we Skype at least once a week.

Both my parents and DH parents live in GA, we live in VA. My parents since LO every couple of months, but we skype with them every week. My LO sees DH's family once or twice a year.

My parents live 15 minutes away and Dh's live a half hour. We usually do sunday dinners with DH's parents and sometimes they'll come to us for something on friday or saturday too.

I see my mom all the time. She watches my niece as a full time nanny, so we do things with them during the day. We go to monday story hour at the library, sometimes wed we'll go to the park, thursday library, and friday breakfast. And then usually we'll see my parents on the weekend too. Obviously DH isn't coming with us too all of those things during the week though, he just sees my parents once or twice a week.

Also, my LO has some major stranger anxiety. She has to see people multiple times a week or she cries at them when they pick her up. Currently the only people she lets pick her up other then me and DH are her grandparents, and that's because they make an effort to see her so often. I could never deny them of seeing her.... well because they're her grandparents, and because of this. If they only saw her once in awhile she would cry at them and that would break my heart and theirs.

my mom watches DS every Wed while i'm at work, and sometimes we see her multiple times other than that. my MIL watches him every other thursday, and we see them once every two weeks on top of that as well.

Both sets of grandparents live about 200 miles away so a few times a year they visit or we visit them. I imagine if they lived closer we'd see them a lot more.

We see my mom and sister at least once or twice a month. My dad lives nearby but we aren't close, so I see him every couple of months. DH's side is a little harder...my MIL is not the most pleasant (to put it mildly) person to be around so we see her really only at holidays, when she shows up. We see my FIL more frequently but he's in FL for the winter so we haven't seen him in a while. I'd love to see my mom every few days, or even once a week, but we are just too far away for that.