My MIL is FB obsessed. She is constantly posting, commenting etc. Before our LO was born we told her we didn't want her to make any announcements or post pictures until we had the chance to make our own announcement. She acted like we were crazy to think she would do such a thing. Since LO was born (in July) she has been posting pictures of her that we send her over email. I sort of feel like if we wanted it on FB, we would post it ourselves. My husband has a strained relationship with her and doesn't particularly want to make a big deal about this but we would like to address it. How can we say "stop posting pictures of OUR kid" in a nice way? Or do we just suck it up and let her post away?
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I would just tell her that you would like to keep them private, hence sending them via email rather than posting them to Facebook, and politely ask her if she can respect your wishes. If she doesn't stop, don't send her pictures.
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My dad does this. So far it hasn't caused a problem for me but I know my sister had to ask him to take down a couple. He just doesn't get fb etiquette.
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I don't think it is possible to say it without offending . . . but it still needs to be said! You are the parents and if you aren't cool with it, it shouldn't happen. PERIOD. I get that GPs are excited and all, but it's not their kid, and it's not their call. They/She needs to respect your wishes as a parent.
ETA: This is why I don't FB!
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I would tell her to stop posting and the very next time she does it I would stop sending her pictures.
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My MIL does this...and HER aunt shares our pictures all of the time. I think the great aunt doing it is stranger than the grandparent in our situation. I'm uncomfortable with both but DH won't say anything. I'm letting it go for now.
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@swedishfish: We are in the same boat. My husband doesn't want to say anything and I don't want to say something to her. I think I'm just going to stop sending her pictures. She also takes pictures off my FB page and posts them on hers!
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@brady80: I'm trying to chalk it up to them being excited and not understanding the etiquette of social media. I tell myself that at least my pictures are private so hopefully only joint friends can see them? I hope?
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@brady80: I would shut your FB page down and/or only share your photos with others directly via email and/or drop box. That is so annoying!
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Honestly, this is one of the reasons why I deleted an Instagram album on FB and deleted all of my Instagram tweets. My MIL blatantly right click saves anything that I tag DH in. When I knew this officially, I stopped putting them up on FB. I have a Shutterfly share site where they can view pics, but not right click save or anything like that. From what I saw of the pics, she hasn't touched the Shutterfly site pics. I give them to her on a USB key occasionally, but that's it.
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Ugh. We deal with this from time to time...when will Facebook come up with a "do not share" privacy option? I have pretty strict settings but those go out the window when family decide to 'share' them.
Anyone know how to avoid this..?.(without just deleting FB all together lol)
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My in laws do this. Whatever picture they are sent, they post. Whatever card/announcement/invitation with LO's picture they're sent, they post a picture of it. If I post a picture, they repost it or attempt to share it.
If I said anything, I'd just cause a fight, so I just limit what I send them and what I post myself. I can't stop them from taking their own pictures of LO and posting them (which they do), unless I confront them. And I just don't have the energy. So my advice is just to limit what she is sent!
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@swedishfish: I hope so too...
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@Mrs. Taco: @swedishfish: Nope . . . you can only restrict viewership of images posted to your page. Once the images are posted to a different page, the second user's security settings apply.
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I ended up telling my MIL to stop. As much as I dreamt up she was really trying to annoy me, I don't think she had any ill intentions and just wanted to "share" her grand kid with her fb world. She was super apologetic and hasn't shared a thing since.mid just ask her to stop, and if not.....stop sending emails with pics, just send verbal updates!
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I would pass some scary/cautionary articles to her about the downsides and risks of sharing on social media and explain that those are the reasons you prefer to share to a very limited amount of people.
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@brady80: My Dad's cousin does this to her kids, my Mom and I have both noticed it. She posts everything and everywhere, she's the nicest lady in the world but I would be upset if my MIL was an over sharer like that.
* They also had a baby in July and she shares all the pictures/videos. I love seeing the gorgeous kids, but it makese feel like a stalker because I don't actually know them!!
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@Mrs. Taco: Amen! I can set my privacy settings to just friends, but if Grandpa goes on and shares it, it's hello, world! And he can't just like something, he MUST share - and then doesn't know how to delete.
@brady80: I'd just politely bring it up to her. She may very well not have any idea she's offending you/going beyond what she should. I basically sat down and told my Gpa that he couldn't share our photos, because then ALL of his friends (and the entire world, prior to me changing his privacy settings for him) could now see them. If you're not aggressive about it, MIL shouldn't bee offended and DH should understand. I think she'd be more upset to just stop getting photos in emails, but if you stop sending AFTER talking and she keeps doing it, then she knows why she's on her time-out.
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@MsLipGloss: ohhhhh, mama's not happy now!
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@brady80: I would consider how often you are okay with a picture being shared (once a week? month? not at all?)
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My MIL likes to reshare my pics on FB, but she doesn't know about the privacy setting thing about them, and I'm not going to be the one to tell her, lol.
But for you, I'd just ask her not to post them all on FB...if you had wanted them on there, then you would have posted them yourself.
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I would tell her you emailed them for a reason and you would really appreciate if she stopped posting photos of your LO. If she ignores you, then stop sending her photos.
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Thanks everyone! My husband is going to call her this weekend and ask her not to post our pictures. Fingers crossed it goes well!
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@brady80: May the Schwartz be with you!
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23 comments