I wok at a private school where every 4th year the teachers take the senior class on a team building trip for the weekend. I have a 4yr old and 14 week old at home that I'm breastfeeding. I really don't think I could be away from my baby for almost 3 days without feeding her. I pump at work, but it's not the same as nursing. I'm afraid I will have trouble pumping only for that long. They offered me to have my husband come with the baby, but he has to watch my other son. I don't know how to say that I can't make it this year without looking like I'm not a "team-player". We don't have contracts so it's always in the back of my mind that I can be let go for any reason. What should I do?
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I would follow your gut and put family first, what good will you be as a chaperone/teacher if you are worried the whole time!
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Plus even though I requested a private room so I could pump, I see that I will still have a roommate! Im sure she really wants to hear me get up at night to pump!
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Could you switch with someone that is supposed to go next year?
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I would just say I'm not going. My school does something similar and I solo parent a lot and have very small children.
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I like the suggestions of offering to do some of the administrative work of setting up the trip; or switching with someone that is supposed to go next year.... that is what I'll be doing with my lunch & afterschool duties, as well as committee memberships.
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I work at a private school too, so I know how political and tricky things can be. Are any of your division heads mothers as well? I think that's who you should talk to first since they will most likely understand. I totally think you are within your right to explain that you cannot be away from your young baby for that long and that your husband is unable to care for both on his own for an extended period of time. Offer a few alternatives (doing other work, going next year, etc) but just be firm that you can't go. Sorry, I know not having contracts is tenuous but unless you have other reasons to think you wouldn't get re-hired next year, I can't imagine this would be a deal breaker for the school!
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So, I went to the headmaster and I have to go. They have me rooming with anothe teacher and I'm supposed to pump in the same room! I was told to just bring a cover. I'm pretty upset about leaving my baby but I don't have much of a choice
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@glitterboots: That really stinks. I'm very sorry. Do you know your roommate? Will they be able to leave the room at certain times to give you privacy while pumping? Will they provide a fridge for the pumped milk?
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I'll have a fridge, and my roommate will be ok with it. I'm just bummed
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I'm really sorry.
Is there no way your husband and both the kids can come with you since it is over the weekend?
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I think you should try to have someone watch your 4 year old so your husband can come with the baby (as someone else suggested)! Since you definitely still have to go and don't want to resort to pumping the entire time, I think that could be an okay work-around
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No, we rent out the motel. My husband and baby could come, but not my son. There really isn't anyone he could stay with
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@glitterboots: hmmm, is that pumping situation even legal? Employers typically must provide a private room, not a bathroom, with a door that locks. It doesn't sound like they are providing that, because is your roommate going to leave the room at 2am when you need to pump? I'd gather some facts about the laws in your state and go back to the headmaster. It doesn't matter if the roommate is okay with it, you are the pumping mother with rights under the law. Perhaps armed with some legal information, you can wrangle a full private room? (I totally don't get why your husband + baby is fine to accommodate, but not your son?! Did they give a reason?)
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@JoyfulKiwi: Agree with all of this. I wasn't sure it is legal either. They should give you a private room for you, your husband and both your kids.
But @leighleigh: has a good suggestion. Is there a friend your 4 year old would have fun staying with for a weekend or a family member? You and your husband might enjoy some time just with the littlest one? Trying to make lemonade here!
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im in Florida and from what I understood companies don't really face punishment unless I was willing to get legal representation. As far as my son is concerned, they don't want families there, just the staff
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@glitterboots: If your husband and baby can come, can't your 4 yr old just stay with them? I can't believe they're still forcing you to go. I would think they could just switch you to next year?
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I think that the school should get you and your family your own motel / hotel room, together. I mean, they're already paying for the lodging, it's just that yours would be double because it wouldn't be split with another person. You could even offer, honestly, to pay for it, or to pay part of it. Just to get them to agree.... even tho they should be the ones offering.
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Wow! I am so annoyed by what your experiencing at work. So sorry. I would go back and insist that you cannot go without your baby which means your DH and son would then have to go as well. Let her know that pumping is not the same as directly nursing your LO. By being away you are risking your milk supply possibly decreasing, getting plugged ducts, or worst mastitis. I know in my experience I never really got as much milk out from the pump in comparison to my LO nursing directly. If she is willing to make accommodations for you to bring your DH and baby, I imagine you would no longer have a roommate. I mean, I can't imagine she expects to have a coworker of yours share a room with you, your DH, and the baby. And in that case then why can't your DH not bring your other LO?
Also, the law requires for you to have a private room to pump. If you are not comfortable pumping infront of others you should not have to. I find it strange that they would make you share rooms with your coworkers. I don't know how common that is in work trip situations. I would not like sharing a room with any my coworkers. I like them fine, but I value my sleep time. LOL. And I be super pissed if my coworker snored.
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Is there no teacher from another grade level that would go for you? I'd be really upset too.
it'll be okay...but if you don't want to, you really shouldn't have to!
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Thanks everyone. I'm super ticked off and I'm glad I wasn't crazy for feeling this way. I went directly to the headmaster to talk about all of this and she was basically shocked that I wouldn't feel I like going and participating. Then I got a lecture about being part of the community. I'm just gonna have to suck it up and go because I have to work. I'm making myself sick worrying about it but it's not something I can change
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@glitterboots: I am so sorry you are being put in this very difficult position. As a fellow mother and fellow teacher this whole situation makes me absolutely livid. How can the school in good faith be asking/forcing a mother of an infant to be away from her BF baby for three days?? And their lame attempts to accommodate just don't cut it.
I am a public school teacher in Canada and this just seems outrageous to me. I really hope that there ends up being some kind of happy medium for you here and perhaps DH and both kids can join you in a private hotel room.
Is there no way your husband and both the kids can come with you since it is over the weekend?
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