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@birdofafeather: my son does say no- but obviously the other kids are young too and rarely pAy any attention to what he says. His instinct is to then shove, and then he is "the bad kid". I don't think it's fair to assume every little kid wants to be hugged by a stranger unless they indicate otherwise. My son is very affectionate with kids he knows and family but gets upset if anyone of any age that he's not familiar with tries to touch him.

If my kid didn't seem upset by it, I wouldn't mind at all. If my child looked annoyed or uncomfortable with it, I would intervene.

If it was my kid doing the hugging, I would try and teach her to not so much hug randomly, but to at least say "Hi, can I give you a hug?" and respect the other child if they say no. I wouldn't expect her to understand this concept right away, but I would at least try.

@birdofafeather: there have been several folks who said they know their kid was uncomfortable with it but might not show it too- I guess I just don't think it's fair to assume that the kid is until proven otherwise. I am surprised by how many folks think it's not an issue/ just cute. I guess I'm glad we haven't run into the issue too often!

Hugs are absolutely wonderful, as long as my daughter is okay with it. I think along the same lines as @scg00387: I feel that babies and young toddlers are often forced to accept affection and engage in physical touch without much consideration for their preferences. At one, my daughter is very social and quite cuddly. But if she's focused on an activity or simply needing her space, she's probably not a great candidate for a random embrace - from an adult or a child.

I have a few friends with slightly older children that are constantly wanting to capture these Kodak moments, instructing their child to "give the baby a big kiss!" While my daughter will often return the gesture (she's in a smooching phase), it makes me feel like the bad guy when I do have to redirect, or if my kid wants nothing to do with affection, at the time.

Overall, I wouldn't be bothered by a playground hug, but would hope the parent of said hugger wouldn't make snap judgements about me or my child if she wasn't into it.

@Arden: I hear you. If Vi had approached my daughter at the park for a hug sesh, and she was comfortable and enthusiastic about the affection, I wouldn't think twice.

As a SAHM, I love for my daughter to have opportunities to engage and socialize with other children. I think it's important she creates her own boundaries, and learns to pick up on the social cues of others, but I also want her to understand and celebrate community, kindness, and love. Life is too short.

I think it's unfortunate that the overall reaction to Vi's affection was negative, especially when the children weren't bothered by it. I've noticed a trend in knee-jerk reactions in regards to kids getting too close; it's almost seems like the fabled "cooties" are back in full swing.

In my opinion, if you're quick to jump in, and respect the integrity of other children regardless of their reaction, I would simply let your kid be the jolly hugger she is. If you get another dirty look from a parent, I'd just offer, "Please let me know if you're at all uncomfortable, and I'll prompt her to move along."

@scg00387: agree with this!

I also think it would be extreme to avoid playgrounds/other kids in the meantime, and that would take away the opportunity to have a teachable moment with your LO. Even at 16 months, I know my LO could understand, "Let's give a wave first, or a high five", so I bet Vi could too! It's also possible that if the kids were older, the parents were worried that they would hurt her, not that she would hurt/bother them--but either way, I think it's just a case of learning boundaries.

@deerylou: yeah, I agree! Dirty looks are never appropriate... At least around kids who might imitate me my comment was also directed at other PP who seemed to infer that the parents were just being dicks.

I agree in that it's a teachable moment for both kids @hilsy85: I wouldn't expect a 16 month old to get it immediately but i would expect or hope a parent would be trying.

Andddd I'm way too invested in this thread bc I want any excuse to take a break from unpacking

@Arden: I don't think that's necessarily true. If you have friends and know other kids that you KNOW are comfortable with her affection, and she hugs them without a problem, then I think it just sends the message that THIS person is our friend, we can hug them. THAT child we don't know very well so we're going to give them some space until we know them a little better. And I don't think you have to pull her away--maybe crouch down with her, gently put your arm around her so she can't just go up to the other child, and model the behavior--wave or give a high five to the other kid yourself.

I personally also don't ascribe to the philosophy that EVERYONE /EVERY other baby is a "Friend"--maybe they all have that potential, but I Think it's important to distinguish strangers. And while she may be too young to grasp the concept now, it' snot too early to start introducing it, you know? Laying the groundwork.

@Arden: I don't know; I personally don't see it that way. I would guess that you would discourage her from hugging strangers who were adults, right? Assuming you do, she still probably happily hugs you and family members without thinking hugging is wrong, I would think.

@Arden: Assuming that you, your DH, and any other adults that you know continue to hug her, I think the message would still get across that friends hug each other, but strangers/kids we don't know well give each other space. And maybe one of those kids she goes up to at the playground will become a friend!

@Arden: It could be cultural, I think it's also partly work influenced. I would never dream of hugging a new person on their first day, but I do hug collegues when I haven't seen them in a long time (as I did this morning).

A lot of people have different comfort levels with their personal space. It's not about germs, it's about having someone come in and put there arms around you and that you didn't initiate. Would you be okay with a stranger doing that to you?