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Sounds like your DH needs to have a little chat with them.

I don't react well, but at my parent's house, there is always room for one more, and she is usually feeding at least 5 people to begin with. I don't really know how she does it, but if you ring the bell at dinner time, you're basically invited to stay and eat.

What I would like to do is meet them at the door, say "Oh, we're just about to sit down for dinner, too bad! Next time if you call and let us know you're coming we can plan on a nice visit!" Or not answer the door. What I would actually do is...actually, I don't know. Probably get my husband to talk to them and ask if they can stop doing this.

I can't believe a family of 6 thinks it's ok to just show up unannounced at all, never mind at dinner!

If I didn't have ingredients to whip up a quick something for the guests, I would offer to just feed your dinner to the kids all together (which should be enough between 6 children) and offer the adults wine and snacks and leave BIL/SIL to figure out their own meal later. Or I would serve the planned dinner for the adults and whip up some mac n' cheese and chicken nuggets and carrot sticks for the kids (I assume most people have back up food like this at their house).

And if it were my brother, I would totally not have any problems telling him not to show up at dinnertime unannounced. I'd say "bro, just like give me an hour's notice or something, geez." It wouldn't be a big deal.

This sounds strange.... Are they struggling financially that they can't feed their family? I feel like something else is going on here... Maybe DH should have a talk with them. If they are having problems, maybe you could help with meals in a less 'last minute ' way?

@josina: Oh from your posts above it definitely sounds like your BIL is playing you. Not like in a nefarious way, but he's probably just "hey, if we take the kids to see my brother, they will be occupied and they will probably feed them and we just have to throw these monsters into bed, no mess at our house!" Its awkward because he's being a dick, but you don't want their kids to be hungry. I would just focus on feeding their kids cuz its not their fault and not worry about BIL/SIL. If THEY get hungry that's their problem. Hand them a beer and some chips and move on.

I would answer the door & tell them that you are sitting down for dinner and ask that they come back in an hour or another time.
I do not handle unannounced visitors well, especially if I knew I was going to have to feed them.

I agree with @mrskansas: that I would tell them that you are about to eat and you'll have to see them another time. Because even if they say you don't have to feed them, they are still interrupting your schedule to feed yourself and your own children. I think if you do this a couple times they'll take the hint and stop showing up at dinner time.

@kiddosc: ditto everything you said.
I don't really enjoy entertaining and hosting, so we rarely have invited guests over, let alone unannounced uninvited guests.
If it was my husband's family he would be very clear on how unhappy I was about it. And it would be his problem to fix.

@josina: I mean, they can't expect a gourmet meal. If dinner is a string cheese and Ritz crackers and ice cream, whatevs.

@josina: I would just default to the same exact somewhat crappy but not terrible snack every single time. Unless it's like maybe once a month or less, maybe once every other month. Then I'd just order pizza and try not to think about it.

I would not react to this well at all. I need time to plan and buy. Except for crackers I really don't have things to just whip up at moments notice. More than likely I wouldn't turn them away. Someone else said it, but I would feed the kids the prepared dinner and order pizza for the adults. At some point the kids would want to eat pizza too.

This kind of happened on Saturday. My dad brought over my 12 yr old cousin after I told him not too when he came to babysit. LO was just getting up from his nap and ready for a snack. I took care of my kid and didn't offer anything to anyone else.

@josina: Who does the pop in?! Absolutely not. Haha. I love visitors but they must be planned!

@looch: I know those houses existed when I was growing up, but ours sure as hell wasn't one of them - one time after our school let out early in an emergency snowstorm, my best friend rode the bus home with me, and when I called my mom to tell her the FIRST words out of my mom's mouth were "Is her mom going to come pick her up?" We were a pretty hermit-style misanthropic house.

[ETA] LOL and I just remembered - only about one year ago, my mom's sister called her and said they were on a road trip and could swing by that evening to visit one night with my mom & dad, and my mom FREAKED OUT about how rude it was to only give one day's notice. To see her own sister, whom she hadn't seen in quite a while! So yeah maybe I just grew up in a people-phobic family.

@PawPrints: @looch: I agree that this is generational. FIL says he misses the good old days when people just stopped by to see you. He tried it with us a couple times when LO was a baby and we were always welcoming but I think it became clear we preferred some notice when one time LO had just gone down for a nap and we did not offer to wake him for them to visit with him. Also my ILs live 2 hours away in the middle of nowhere so there's no way we would ever surprise them with a visit. They usually stop by to see us because they came to our city for shopping or something.

I also think it can be cultural. I grew up in a majority white place so it was considered courteous to call and scheduale. My husband is Filipino and it's VERY common to stop by with no notice just to hang out (and often eat).

I mean...I think the drop-in thing is rude at any time, but especially at meal times. And particularly if it's a repeat situation! If I were you I'd probably ask your DH to have a conversation with your BIL to gently let him know that, while they are welcome to visit, it throws off your schedule/routine with the kids when they come by at meal times and stay until bed time and ask him to give a heads-up first. Maybe sort of blaming it on your own kids would soften the blow and have the desired effect?

It seems like it would be common sense, but I guess not!

It my ILs did this (if they lived close enough they probably would!) I'd probably be rude and say oh sorry we haven't got any food and hope they got the hint.

@Mrs. Microscope: this was also one of my first thoughts.

@josina: I think for me the frustrating thing would be if I couldn't make or eat what I had already planned. If I need to make a certain recipe to use up ingredients before they go bad and then I didn't have enough to feed everyone, I would feel like I couldn't/shouldn't make it. Sure, I could just make chicken nuggets or meatballs for the kids, but maybe that's not what I want them to have for dinner all the time. I think if that were the case, I'd probably just say, "I made X but I don't have enough for everyone. I wish I had known you were coming so I could have planned to make more! You're welcome to help yourselves to PBJ/chicken nuggets/meatballs/leftovers, though!" Maybe have DH suggest a weekly dinner if that would stop them from showing up randomly? When they stay that late does it interfere with your kids' bedtimes too?

@josina: ok, good, just making sure it's etiquette, not a need based/embarrassed to ask for help thing! Still a crappy situation, I would be mad too!