My husband and I just had a long chat about our goals for TTC sometime this coming fall. He is 27 and I am 26, we are exactly 6 months apart. He thinks we should get going on TTC this fall and my main hold up about that is I still feel so young. We have been married almost two years. He is gung-ho and his quote is "we aren't young anymore." Is this something anyone has ever dealt with. Did you come to some type of compromise? I'm stuck on the side that I think we have plenty of time ....
I would love to hear your opinions. Also, I'm writing this based on my own feelings. No judgement on age of anyone else.
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I think you guys are still young.. But I'm 33.
I didn't have my first child until I was 31. Had my 2nd right before I turned 33.
If you don't feel ready, wait a bit longer! -
I think it's more about being ready and at a point in your life where you can take on the responsibility of a child. I think there are plenty of 26 year old who make wonderful parents. But if you don't feel ready don't rush it. You have plenty of childbearing years ahead of you.
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Most of my friends had kids around your age, but really that doesn't matter. If you think you are too young, then perhaps you just aren't ready. On the other hand, it's scary to first start talking about starting a family and maybe you just need time to get used to the idea.
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I would say you are still young. I just turned 30 and I'm expecting my third, but most of my friends don't have any kids yet! It certainly changes things (like a lot), so if you are enjoying the life you have, keep enjoying it! You have time
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It's a very personal decision & everyone feels ready at different ages/points in life. I personally wasn't ready til my late 20's to give up my freedom & selfishness. You have plenty of years ahead of you. We're currently expecting and I'm 32.
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It's a really personal decision and you both have to be on board. I know that I felt too young at 25 and didn't really feel ready until turning 30.
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While I don't think 26 is 'too young', I also don't think you have any reason to rush either. I was not ready at 26 and our relationship wasn't ready. We are having our first next month and I'm 32, which works for us.
But I have used that same argument with DH for various things-- we're not that young anymore!
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I know I felt too young at 26 but I think that's a personal decision. I had ds at 29. And even still I still can't believe I'm a mom sometimes!
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I was 24 when I got pregnant. However, I feel like I had a lot of life experiences and was ready to settle down. If you're not ready you are still young!
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I don't think there's much point in getting hung up on a certain age as a reason to wait or hurry up on having kids. Both partners being on board and financial stability are more important than a number. With that said, we had LO right after I turned 25 (DH is 6 months older) and it was the right time for us!
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I wouldn't have felt ready at that age but if you think you are then I don't think it is to young.
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I think in terms of age you're still young! But everyone is different in when they feel ready for the responsibility of a child, I'll definitely be classed as young since I'm currently 21 and had my first baby last year when I was 20. I definitely feel like I'm mature enough since I had to "grow up" at a young age. Being a mum has always been my life goal and even though lo wasn't planned until I was 22/23 I'm happy with the way things turned out. Have you got a personal "ideal" age you want to get pregnant?
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I think it's all about how you feel. It's not really an age thing, but a being ready thing.
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There's no specific age, like PPs have said. If you don't feel ready, that's okay! My DH is the same way in worrying we are getting too old but we are only 25 and 27. We have a 6 month old, but felt totally ready.
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There's really no age at which you may or may not be ready. We are having our first kid at 26 (me) and 31 (DH), and although I definitely feel 'young' (because I am! and so are you!), we are also at the right time in our lives to have a baby. If you don't feel ready, no biggie, just wait a bit
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I'm 27 (okay, I'll be 28 next week!) and I totally feel that I'm in an in between stage. I am SO ready to become a mom (LO is due in September) but at the same time I still feel so young! I feel really connected to my parents still, enjoy my freedrom, etc. It just seemed like the right time for DH and I so we took the plunge
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This is exactly how Dh and I were, I was 26 but he was 28. My big hang up was age, I just didn't imagine I would have kids this young, it wasn't that I didn't feel mature enough, or ready, I was just totally hung up on my age. I really think it is a personal decision, and you both have to be TOTALLY on board. Its a huge decision and you don't want to feel pressured.
I'm pregnant now, and I'm 27, I still feel young, and DH says the same thing, we aren't that young anymore, but while I feel young, I do know I'm ready, and I'm excited for this next stage in life. Truth be told I could have waited and been just fine, my clock was not ticking, but there were things that made me more inclined to decide this was good timing. We are financially stable, we have good jobs, a good marriage, we are happy, and honestly family is hugely important to me so I was ready to bring someone new into the family. I want my kids to have the chance to know as much of my family as possible, and my parents are getting older, so yeah... those are things that played into our decision.
ETA: wow I'm sorry that is so long, also I don't know if it makes any sense!
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You're not young anymore?!?!? Does he know that the brain does not finish developing until the age of 25? By that standard, you have only just finished your development into an adult!
You are definitely still young - but too young to have a baby? Well, that's not my call to make, but we'll just say that time is on your side when it comes to biology. In biological terms, you are nowhere near being 'old' for having a baby so don't feel pressured to do so. For me personally, the thought of having a baby at 26 was the scariest thought in the world! I wanted my 20s for me and I'm glad I did it that way, but that's of course not for everyone. If you're not ready, you need to stick to that. Good luck!
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I'm 30 and I feel young - we definitely wanted to and were ready to have a baby but it's sort of crazy to think of ourselves as adults/parents. It's not so much age that matters here, it's your attitude and desire.
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I don't think there is a "right age". I have many friends who had their first child in their 30's or even 40's and are happy with that decision and loving it.
I also have plenty of friends in their early 20's who are also loving their decision - including me! DH and I are 22 and we had a (planned) baby two months ago. I don't think we are too young, I think it was perfect timing for us.I know most 22 year olds aren't ready, but that doesn't mean none are. Do what feels right and natural for your family.
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I don't think there's a special age. I would have loved to start earlier (I was 28 when I had lo) but now at 30 I still have friends that aren't ready.
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I had DS at 27 and that felt like a good age for me. I definitely would have felt too young anywhere from 18-22, or younger than that even but that's just me. I was busy trying to finish up school so I personally didn't feel like I was old enough until I reached that goal I set for myself.
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@Ree723: wahoo!! I'll have a full brain in about 2 weeks! I wonder if life will be different?
I'll still need glasses but maybe I'll be better at driving?I'm 24- I don't think age should be the deciding factor. It is a feeling of readiness. Also, it should be at a point where you're ready financially and physically and when you have the time to devote to it. If you still want to travel the world and sleep in until 2pm: then, get that out of your system now. Ya know? I never had those urges. I was ready....age was a factor to me. My husband is 31 though.
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We got married when we were 27 & 28. We always planned to start TTC by the time my husband turned 30...shortly before our 2 year anniversary. But he had some health problems and we just didn't feel ready. In the grand scheme of things I don't think it will matter that we waited an extra year to begin TTC. We both feel ready now. Like everyone else has said, it's not really about age but both of you feeling ready.
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@Ree723: aww man! i'm still a couple of years away from a full brain!? ripped off!!
i was pregnant at 22. not long after i turn 24 we'll have 2 kids. DH is 11 years older than me
there is no too young, it's about you and your dh being mentally ready. have you asked him why he's so set on having a baby rightthisverysecond?
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When pondering whether I was really ready to be a mom, a friend of mine summed it up well by saying, " you don't have to be ready - you just have to be willing."
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@TurtleDoves: @Penny Lane: Lol, I know, I was only 21 or so when I learned that in one of my mental health courses; I was so disappointed! Sadly, there does not seem to be a magical switch that flips at 25, but now, 8 years on, I can look back and definitely see a change in mindset and decision making that gradually occurred around that time!
To be clear though, I didn't mean to suggest that anyone under 25 is not an adult or incapable of making adult decisions, I was solely providing a somewhat tongue in cheek response to the OP's husband's statement that they're no longer young!
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@rattles: Ooh I really like that!
I never felt ready to TTC. I had arbitrarily marked 30 as the year I should start having children. As my 30th birthday rolled around I still didn't feel ready. My DH convinced me by saying that I would probably never truly feel ready and that I would just need to just take that leap of faith. I'm so glad I did!
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I don't think it is necessarily a number but more of a maturity level and a readiness that extends way beyond just age. I got pregnant at 23 and LO will be here while I am 24. I am younger than you. But for us, it was the right time for both of us. We decided we were ready and had all of our goals before TTC met. If you aren't ready, then you aren't ready. Age has nothing to do with that and obviously I don't think you are too young.
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I didn't have my first until 38 and I still felt very young. You need to do what is right for you, but also don't feel pushed if YOU aren't ready to take on the responsibility. At your age, you really do have the luxury of time if you need it.
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I think everyone's diff, but here's my 2 cents. We didn't get started TTC til I was 31 I think. I'm 33 now (in a few weeks) and still nothing. So I kinda wish it had been possible to start at an earlier age. (It wouldn't have really been possible b/c we didn't get married til I was 30.)
Do what seems right for you, but I don't think 26 is "too young." But if you're just not feeling ready, that's a whole diff. thing.
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Do what you feel is right, I don't think you are too young. Too young to me would be maybe under 22-23.
If it were up to me, I would have had both kids before 30. However, I didn't meet DH until I was 28 and our first was born just after I turned 30. I will have just turned 33 when #2 is born.
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I'm 32 and I still feel like a teenager most of the time!!! I still leave laundry on my bedroom floor and eat Mcdonalds far too much!
We decided to start TTC when we were both 31. After years and years of thinking I would never want children (I loved my life just as it was, thank you) I suddenly felt really, really... not ready, exactly.... but willing! @rattles: 's friend was right!! I suddenly felt like I had all this love to give - there was a child shaped gap in my life, I suddenly had room in my life for a baby!
If you don't feel like that yet - that's fine! There is plenty of time at 26, honestly! But I warn you - hang around on Hellobee and you will have major baby fever in a few weeks, trust me!!! HB is lethal for that!
I'll still need glasses but maybe I'll be better at driving?Reply
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33 comments