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@looch: I think that's a good point. Let's say you've never been pregnant before, aren't trying to get pregnant, and may even be ON the pill. You don't gain a ton of weight, which as we can see from the lovely @Skadi above is totally possible (I would never guess you were seven months there, or pregnant at all!) You'd probably think any movement was some kind of epic indigestion, because you've never been pregnant and it's not even on your radar. You're super busy and stressed and barely realize you haven't had a period, or you've always been irregular. I mean, can you just imagine being in that scenario? I've read people saying they still felt phantom kicks after baby, or they had some stomach rumblings that made them take a pregnancy test but were probably gas. Why isn't the reverse of that possible? Thinking you have gas when it's movement? I think it's just hard to understand when you've been pregnant because you know and recognize all the signs. I'm not saying that some of the people in these stories aren't in denial, but I can definitely believe this is possible.
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@Mamaof2: I thought she was 34 weeks. Not that makes a huge difference I guess.
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@Mrs. Chocolate: yes you're right!
this was me at 34 weeks - I just cant wrap my head around not knowing
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I think it's probably a mixed bag and that in a lot of cases it is denial, but I do believe that there can be a 'perfect storm' where a person doesn't put on weight, isn't sick etc. and can miss it.
I'm sure it's very overwhelming to suddenly find out you're having a baby, like now - or soon - without time to prepare, but on the plus side, these ladies don't have to spend 9 months worrying about deli meat and the judgemental stares of a starbucks barrista, so they've got that going for them....
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@Aimed: It's probably worse though because they find out they are pregnant (or are in labor RIGHT NOW) and then it's suddenly "OMG, I did all these things you're not supposed to do while pregnant - have I hurt my baby in some way??" I can't imagine going through that.
I watched one episode of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant (or whatever it's called) and the woman was on the pill the entire time, still having her period every month, only gained maybe 5-10 lbs, and didn't have any morning sickness or notice any movement. AND she already had two children, so you'd think she'd know if she had any real indication she was pregnant!
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I do have a friend who definitely knew she was pregnant, but didn't really show until she was 7 1/2 months. She wasn't pregnant with twins, but if you didn't know her you wouldn't have known she was pregnant. She is a gymnastics coach and extremely fit. She did look a little bigger to us, but not pregnant. Then she pretty much popped over night.
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@Aimed: I agree, I can see it being possible with the right set of circumstances to go for months without knowing you're pregnant. My disbelief of this situation is because she had TWINS. Like @mrstiz said, there had to have been a whole lot of denial going on to go an entire 34 weeks without realizing there were two humans growing inside of you. Not one, but two.
Eta: this is me at 29 weeks w/twins. And I got a whole lot bigger before I gave birth at 36 weeks.
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I can buy it. We're all trying to have babies, not everyone is watching for every twinge, peeing on sticks all the time, tracking their charts. I'm sure some people can look at this site and be totally judgey about some of us are obsessing about being pregnant. We can turn that judgment down a bit, right?
I know lots of people with PCOS, sporadic periods, etc. I have lots of stomach issues that honestly kicking could have felt like something up with my intestines, haha. I have seen people who are pregnant but never looked pregnant, just like they might have gained a few lbs. For me it's harder to believe when the people who don't know are skinny minis.
Perhaps for some people it is denial, for others it is ignorance and not knowing about their bodies, and sometimes it just happens.
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@Caly: But combined, they were only about 7 lbs, so it's not like they were huge babies making lots of noise in there. And maybe if she had a numb stomach like my friend, she wouldn't have felt them at all.
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@Adira: true, anything is possible. Mine were approx 9 lbs combined so not too much more.
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@Caly: Also, it sounded like there was only one sac and one placenta, so in general, they were taking up less space than most twins normally do? I'm actually amazed that they are relatively healthy considering she received zero prenatal care!
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@mrsjazz: exactly my point!
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@Adira: my MIL had her period during at least one of her pregnancies. She knew she was pregnant, but AF kept visiting her.
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@travellingbee: It was crazy! We found out in January that we were due in May, then he came in April
But there was no way that I could ignore it after I found out, and to make it to delivery without knowing would've been impossible for me.
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@StbHisMrs: whoa!!
@Loki: that is a huge transition! I could see why everyone would be in shock.
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Technically she must have had intermittent bleeding caused by something, but not a period.
I can kind of believe that in very rare circumstances someone may not know. I had a friend who never really popped when she was PG and she was kind of sad that she never really looked pregnant. And I guess there are people that don't feel much movement. I admit that for months post partum I would feel stomach rumblings and it would feel EXACTLY like baby movement. It made me wonder half the kicks I thought I was feeling when pregnant were really just gas. Once or twice I even thought I was pregnant again.
The hardest part for me is believe that someone doesn't feel any different. I had food aversions, heart burn, and tons of fatigue. And I got off easy without much morning sickness or swelling. But not have nothing? Not one on-going symptom that kicks your ass and makes you wonder what the F is going on?
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@winniebee: On the movement thing, I felt way less movement with twins than with this baby. I think they just don't have room.
That said, I cannot buy that someone didn't know they were pregnant with twins. You get so big and so uncomfortable. If you didn't think you were pregnant you would be seeking medical help for what you believe is a giant painful tumor. That's my two cents.
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I was a house when I was 34 weeks (I'll add a cropped photo in a minute) and my belly was trying to jump off my body because T was moving so much.
I had a friend due one month before me and I saw her a week before she went into labor and she had just a small bump. She carried super high and small. If you didn't know She was pregnant you wouldn't have been able to tell at all.
I have a hard time believing it because of my experience with pregnancy...especially imagining twins!!...but in some cases you never know. Especially if thinking you're peegnant is the last thing on your mind.
ETA: I can't add a photo!! My phone hasn't let me since the ios8 update. It says server not available. Grr.
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My roommate in college was far enough along that she found out her baby's gender when she found out she was pregnant!
She has Crohns Disease, so food aversions, abdominal pain, bloating, basically all first trimester GI symptoms, were par for the course for her. She had abnormal periods anyway. She was in complete shock! I think she was around 17 weeks? -
@Boheme: a coworker of mine had that happen, she also ran two marathons! she found out at 20 weeks she was pregnant.
I had a neighbor that never showed, she was tiiiiny and never looked pregnant. I used to hear her throwing up all the time though, our bathrooms must've been wall to wall. She was so skinny I thought she had an eating disorder. Poor thing probably had HG!
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@Mamaof2:So I was able to find some pictures but I have no idea how to post them. I tried coping and pasting but no dice. Can someone tell me how to post them...thanks.
SOOO totally just figured it....there a button that was hiding on me......will post separately
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@Mamaof2: So I had little bit of a time trying to find picture of my tummy. Being a bigger girl I don't exactly like posing with a profile of my tummy. The first pic is from before I was with child...most likely about a month (april 2013). The second pic is while I was pregnant about 4 1/2 months (end of sept 2013). The last picture is from Christmas eve. unfortunately, the best one I found is me holding our new puppy Chloe (she was about 3 months old at the time). I was about 34-35 weeks at the time. My daugher was born on the 4th of February.
As far the whole denial debate. I had no reason to be denial. I wanted to be pregnant more than anything during the time these pictures were taken. Looking at our Christmas pictures brought me to tears. I had always daydreamed about being pregnant at Christmas. Me being all big and round, everyone together and exciting about the new year and the new life that was about to be. That dream was real and I missed it.
I wouldn't change her birth story for anything but please don't judge what you haven't experienced.
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I think if I didn't have any reason to think I could be pregnant I could potentially overlook it for quite a while. But, I would think something else was wrong. I have generally felt better pregnant than I did menstruating, but, I would've been pretty worried by the weeks where 11 hours of sleep per night was not enough and the only food with any appeal at all was feta cheese. If not pregnancy, I might've thought I had cancer.
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@BabyBySurpise: welcome, lurker-no-more
You sure didn't look pregnant!
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@BabyBySurpise: Adorable puppy! I would never've guessed you were pregnant from those pictures.
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@BabyBySurpise: wow congratulations! I never would have guessed you were pregnant either from those pics.
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I feel like in rare circumstances, it's probably true that someone didn't know she was pregnant, however, no way does it happen as often as people claim! For me, I was so sick from before my stick said positive, until my babies were born, there is zero chance I would ever be pregnant and not know it.
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@BabyBySurpise: Nope! You don't look a smidge pregnant! Amazing!
A woman at my church growing up was pregnant (and knew) but didn't show at all so most of us didn't know.. One day she showed up with a baby and we were like what?! And my MIL is super thin but almost 6 feet tall. The photos of her at 9 months pregnant looked like me at 4 months! She said she was really sad that she never got a cute round bump. -
@BabyBySurpise: thanks for sharing, and I agree -- you don't look pregnant at all! I hope youre not offended by anything that's been said, I think it's too easy sometimes to think, "well I looked like this" or "I felt like this, so no way is it possible." But every pregnancy is different, that's for sure!
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@BabyBySurpise: Wow! I would have never guessed you were pregnant! What an incredible shock and sounds like an amazing surprise! I would love (and I'm sure many others would too!) to hear about that transition from not knowing to suddenly having a baby in your arms. Welcome to the bee and so glad you got your daughter who sounds much loved and wanted!
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I could buy it. I delivered at 36 weeks and you couldn't tell I was pregnant. My neighbors were shocked when they saw us walking in with a car seat (not that we are super close, but they saw me out and about and stuff). The folks at church were surprised too and they saw me every Sunday. LO was planned and I was charting and symptom spotting like a madman so I knew but I worry about a surprise sometimes. I currently have an IUD and I never get periods and I haven't lost my pregnancy weight so I think it could sneak past me! I actually took a test a few weeks ago because I was so so so exhausted, it felt like a flashback to the first trimester. And I still get phantom kicks... So yeah. I could see how it could happen.
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I knew a girl who was 13 and pregnant and didn't know she was pregnant until she was in labor.. She was a victim of family abuse (to put it mildly), and never had her period before she got pregnant.
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My BFFs aunt didnt know until just weeks before giving birth. She was very tiny and continued to have her period.
My mom didn't know with me until she was like 6 months. She thought she was pregnant, but dismissed it after many negative tests, both at home and with her doctor. They found me with an ultrasound while they were looking for cancer.
I could buy it.... but I agree its probably a lot less common than people claim. I think its a definite issue of denial for some people.
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@BabyBySurpise: Wow, that is just wild! I'm glad all was well with you and your baby! A friend of mine's cousin whom I've met before didn't know she was pregnant until two weeks before she gave birth. And she was probably a size 6? Turns out her baby was waaay up there and sideways (transverse?) so she just looked like she had a beer gut b/c she liked to drink. Fortunately, for her her baby was born perfectly healthy despite and drinking and smoking. She was really, really lucky!
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I don't buy it.
How do you not feel them moving? At some point you can't write it off as just gas.
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@Dandelion: oh that must have been so scary for her. That I could get, if you didn't know what you were looking for. What happened to the baby?
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@jedeve: her mom helped her raise it. She's 34, now, and the daughter is 21 and they live together.
ETA: Her mom didn't know anything about the abuse until the baby showed up.
But there was no way that I could ignore it after I found out, and to make it to delivery without knowing would've been impossible for me.
You sure didn't look pregnant!
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